Wondering Willow

School Girl Crush

2012-02-09T17:30:00.001+11:00

When I was in junior primary school I had a crush on one of the boys in my class. Actually most of the girls had a crush on the same boy. I remember all of us chasing him in a game of catch and kiss and him getting so overwhelmed by the attention that he burst into tears.

I'm purposefully reminding myself of this story today because it has become apparent to me that there is a little girl in Jacks class that has a crush on him, and if I'm honest it's freaking me out.

He, in true Jack style, is completely oblivious. To him girls are just other cool people you hang out with at school when your sick of playing the games your guy friends play. He is so very very far from crushes.

Now I like this little girl very much. She is ballsy, and being the youngest after three brothers, she's outspoken, knows more about things like popular music and teen idols than most of the kids I've met. And apparently she gets what boy-girl relationships are 'supposed' to be about.

At Jacks sixth birthday party she arrived and had Jack written on her leg in pen with a love heart around it. I thought it was hilarious and also a bit more advanced than I had thought six year old kids were on average. This year they are in class again and the other day she invited Jack to her birthday party. It was a giggly affair as she handed over the invite and then as she walked off I heard her say to her friend "Oh my god, his hair is soooo cool".

Ummm ok ...

Then this morning she and one of her friends were talking to me and as I said that Jack was really looking forward to coming to her party her friend started to giggle and said in an excited tone "did you invite him?". The little crush girl smirked said yeah, then they both wandered off giggling and whispering looking back at Jack.

Oh My God!!!

So I'm reminding myself that I too had a little school girl crush when I wasn't much older than these kids are now, and it didn't turn into anything (mind you I am wondering if the boy we made cry was traumatized).

And of course when I told AB he was kind of chuffed and didn't at all get my mumma bear reaction ... the difference between men and women or fathers and sons?

They are growing so fast and sure it's all normal and expected, but today I am imagining him with girlfriends, kissing and heartbreak and wondering about this whole parenting thing and the directions it takes you in.

Remind me to get this little girls phone number, I may need to talk to her parents. (joking of course! .... mostly)

Watching - the miraculous event of a woman giving birth and a man becoming a father. What a lucky woman I am.

Listening - Aliens. I know I should be watching it but I'm to busy blogging.

Reading - Birth plan notes and the last chapter of Road to Perdido.

State of mind - a bit hyper after a birth but soooo glad to be off call and enjoying a glass of wine.

What Now?

2012-02-06T18:11:00.001+11:00

It's the question of the moment. Now that I have two kids at school, what are my plans now. It's surprising who and how many people have asked me this in the last few weeks. People who love me, people who hardly know me, people who work full time outside the home and others who are still stay at home mums.

What now?

It's a curious question, and one where the answer isn't as easy as you might think.

What now?

I do keep asking myself the same question over and over again. I mean I do some work for AB each week but at the moment it's not enough to keep me busy five days a week. And sure at least one day a week could be filled with cleaning and grocery shopping. And I absolutely could spend some time fixing bits a pieces around the house, the lounge room alone could take me two weeks. But all of that still leaves around 2 - 3 days a week free.
Or 50 weeks, minus holidays thats 38 weeks which is (after weekends) 190 days, minus the 2ish days work I have that's 114 days!

114 me days a year! What now?

Cause let's be honest, I'm incredibly lackadaisical and sure I could totally spend some of that time catching up on favourite TV shows or books that have sat unread for way to long. But even I would find that boring after a certain amount of time (not as long as you would think, but longer than is probably healthy).

The truth is I don't exactly know 'what now?'.

I do know that there is probably more work coming through from ABs work, and I hope there is. It will be great to be busy during the school hours, it will be amazing to bring in some extra money to help out with our finances and take some of the burden off AB being the (mostly) sole provider. But I'm also glad that I get to pick up my kids every day, that the little money I already bring in helps, that I have the ability and now the time to hopefully fix our place up a bit more (cause lord knows it needs it).

So honestly, feel free to ask me what now? But please understand when I say "I have no idea! but if you have any feel free to share" :)

Watching - recently just devoured 'Misfits' seasons 1-3 loved it and recommend it highly. But take into account it could just be a very 'me' type show.

Listening - The XX, love that album!

Reading - Perdido Street Station - China Mieville.

State of mind - All kind of soft and gooey, with a chewy center :)

Golden Oldies.

2012-02-04T10:56:00.000+11:00

Like most people my age I've had a lot of friendships. Most have been wonderful. Some have ended badly. Some have only been for a few days and others almost a lifetime.

My best and oldest friendship is with Catriona. I've mentioned her before (normally calling her Treena). We met on the first day of kindergarten and the story goes that as our mums picked us up from our first day we both ran to them and asked if Treen could have a sleep over that night. They convinced us to wait until the weekend and we were inseparable from then on.

Oh sure like all kids, we had ups and downs but in the end our friendship survived. It survived through different friends, my parents divorce, different high schools and social groups, it continues to survive in spite of the fact that she lives in a different state and we only see each other once a year.

She is more than a friend. She is like a sister, some kind of soul mate, she is my family and so deeply part of my heart that I can't imagine it could keep beating if she wasn't part of my life.

Yesterday I got a knock at the door and it was our postman. He had a huge box for me from Treena. I tried to think what it could be, there are no birthdays nearby and Xmas has passed. I opened the card, and I started to cry. It was an anniversary present, timed perfectly to both match our 30th year of friendship and my littlest boys first week of school.

Inside were two intricately wrapped (to survive posting from Brisbane to Sydney) flying ducks, which I had mentioned to her that I wanted a few months ago.

After I stopped sobbing I felt a little guilty, I should have remembered, I should have sent her something or at least touched base about it. It felt so amazing to have this package, filled with so much thought and love arrive unexpectedly on my doorstep.

As soon as I can convince AB to see securely put some hooks in the wall, they will have pride of place in our lounge room. And every time I look at them I will feel a little 'happy sad' that my life has been so blessed to have her in it.

It will also remind me to be thankful for all of my friends and to make a point of telling them so. Starting with Treena!!

All Dressed Up.

2012-02-02T09:54:00.000+11:00

Here he is. All ready for his first day of school and so incredibly proud. Walking around with his chest puffed out and the excited energy pouring out of him.

He walked straight into the classroom, sat at a desk and started playing with the play dough, just like his brother did on his first day two years ago.

I can't wait to pick him up, and ask him all about his day. To find out who he played with and what he thinks of his teacher. To see if he is disappointed that he didn't learn to read fluently on his first day (because that's how he thinks it works).

I'm sure there will be hard days, but today was not one of them.

It's Cool! Seriously!

2012-01-31T09:49:00.001+11:00

I've been feeling really centered about the fact that Hamish starts school this week. He's so excited that he has already packed his bag, decorated his library bag and told me exactly what he wants in his lunchbox for the first day. And it's contagious. Our whole household is buzzing with happy 'Hamish is starting school' vibes.

Until last night. It's been a hot humid few days in Sydney, and in our old double brick house it means that sleep (upstairs) is almost impossible. So as I lay there trying to get some sleep, I pondered on the whole school thing. And yes I am excited, and yes I do think that he is ready and will be fine but I had forgotten something. I had forgotten how much that first year of school changes them.

Jack was also excited about school and he fit into the whole thing really well, but by about 1/2 way through the year I noticed how much older he seemed. He was more self assured, he needed me less, and although he was still my little man, he was also developing in a direction that I had no control over. And that's a good thing. But its also challenging.

So on Thursday my littlest man starts on the same journey. By the end of this year, Hamish will be able to read. He will be more independent, more grown-up, he will be a very different version of the boy that I send off to school in a few days.. And yes I am excited, but I am also feeling aware that this is the beginning of him becoming, even more, the Hamish he is without me.

I guess I should be used to the kids growing up by now!!

What Now?

2012-01-18T17:11:00.000+11:00

I'm practically giddy with excitement! For the foreseeable future I have FINALLY finished painting the front of my house!!

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and am so proud of the result so far. I mean I started working on the front around the 1st of September and it's taken 4 1/2 months to get to this point. Mostly this has been a mixture of delays due to rain and/or life. Mostly every day that I have been able to do something I have, and every day I haven't I've felt like I should.

There is still loads to do:

- Fix and paint the hole above the upstairs doors.
- Paint the 1/2 meter bit on the side that got left till last because it requires a long ladder and then I ran out of paint.
- Organise someone to sand and seal the boards on the upper and lower deck.
- Once the floors are sealed, paint the lining boards and posts with a final coat.
- Get the brick layer to build our front fence.
- Organise front light fitting and gate for fence.
- Get tiler to tile the path.
- Put beading between floors and walls.
- Landscape, landscape, landscape.

And then fix the paintwork again after all these things are done.

For now though, there is nothing I can do until trades people and/or cash start flowing through the house again. So today I'm sitting on my deck, watching the world go by and just enjoying the fact that tomorrow when I wake my first thought won't be to look out the window and try and decide if it's a painting day or not!!

Deja Vu

2012-01-15T18:55:00.000+11:00

What do you do when your feeling cooped up during the holidays? You have another long weekend of course.

I went down south to the island again on Thursday with the kids and AB and the clan who own the property arrived on the Friday afternoon.

This time I actually feel like I got enough time away, although the kids have already asked when we are going back and I could be easily convinced to try and fit another long weekend in soon.

But for now I'm enjoying being back in our space. I'm to planning to knock over the last of the painting this week (weather permitting) and I'd like to do a bit of house preening like finally stain the kitchen floors or fix up our bathroom or hang a few more prints.

For now I'm going to sit back and revel in the feeling of having been relaxed for a few days and try and get that feeling to last for a few more.

Memorable moments:

- No one vomiting on the way down through kangaroo valley. This could either be good timing or the travel sickness homeopathic that I had given both children and dogs.

- The weather for the first two days was sublime, we swam and played by the river, the kids took tools down to dig for more fossils and we swam some more. I also finally left the island during our stay to see the lay of the land in Nowra. Mind you the beach is two minutes from the house and I still haven't seen it.

- The mossies and sand flies we're intense. I got 15 huge bites just unpacking the car and they are still itchy. After that we all made sure we sprayed ourselves before walking out the door. Plus AB and Tool went to town at the hardware shop finding every mossie destroying device they could find.

- Vivs roast dinner. I've decided that there is nothing nicer than someone else's roast. They do their meat differently and they have different accompaniments such as home made apple sauce, or brussle sprouts, prosciutto and lemon ... yumm.

- The kids all went for a kayak on the river. After about an hour I decided to put my eyes on them and walked down to find Hamish sitting in the back of one of the kids kayaks laughing and Jack paddling up river by himself. It took all of my cool nature to just call out "are you guys all cool?" and then walk away hoping that they both made it back to shore in one piece. Actually as I type that it sounds incredible irresponsible, but they were with 2 very water confident teenagers and the water is only just past knee deep.

- Nights on the island are amazing. It's so dark and quiet you could almost believe you are alone in the world except for the quiet sounds of 11 people and 3 dogs sleeping

- Although the first night while I was alone with the kids I made the mistake of watching a scary movie. I got the creeps, couldn't find the dog (who I thought may have been down at the river but I was too freaked out to actually go and find him) and so I stood with a torch calling out. Twice I saw the reflection of eyes by the water but seeing I couldn't see if it was the dog that just freaked me out even more. Of course it WAS him and he finally came home soaking at midnight at which time I could finally go to sleep. A good nights sleep was not had as, in the space where I normally hear many other peoples sleepy sounds, all I heard were creaks or clicks of random things out in night. Needless to say I was kind of glad I had company the next night.

- Watching Hamish play 'Just Dance' with the other kids on the Wii. Not only did he win a few times, the level of concentration as he tries to replicate the moves was completely adorable.

- Hanging out with two teenagers (who weren't mine so I got to give them back). I had a blast talking to the two oldest kids. Sure they are starting to get a bit of extra attitude but talking to them gave me a clearer view of how my relationship will change over the years with my kids and it was quite an exciting though.

- Last but definitely not least, just getting to hang with adults and kids who's company we all truly enjoy. All five of the clans children are lovely (albeit quirky), and seeing my children interact with them and enjoy their company just warms my heart. Being with AB when he is away is lovely because all of the pressures of day to day life are lifted for a short time and he is more present than he gets to be at home. And the other adults are so welcoming and loving that I think the whole family feel warm in their presence.

Watching - A lot of sport (as it what happens when you holiday with sporty people). AB loved it, I listened to a lot of music and played a lot of Sonic while watching a house full of people watch other people kick balls around :)

Listening - I discovered a song on my iPod that was called The Island by The XX.

Reading - A mixture of late nights and busy days have reduced my reading to almost nil.

State of mind - An interesting mixture of thankful, full, happy to be home and regretful that it's all over. Realistically if the island was mine, I think I'd have trouble ever wanting to leave but it's the company, watching my kids play with their non cousins that really makes it special.

Aging Gracefully ... Mentally

2012-01-12T16:48:00.001+11:00

I don't age well ... mentally. Every birthday seems to send me off in this whirlwind of psychosis, worrying about time running out and things left undone.

I think this was exacerbated by mum dying quiet young. She died at 56 and if I die at the same age (which logically I know if highly unlikely) then I only have 21 years left!

So just after a birthday I am filled with a burst of energy to do the things on my life list (bucket list) but also because it kind of messes with my head this extra surge is met with a morbid sadness that makes me want to climb into bed and pull the covers over my head until I'm 25 again. Hence the psychosis!!

I'm cranky at the age gods for slowly eating away at my youth. And yet so amazed at how wonderful my life is that I don't want anything to change. And therein lies the conundrum, even if I had a time machine that could flip me back to my 25 year old self there is very little I would change and so I would probably wind up back here at 35 in the same aging psychosis that I am currently ... maybe I already have?

So whats the point of this post? Nothing really, I don't think there are any words of wisdom to help, I assume as time goes on (and god knows it will) that I will get more 'ok' with the aging process. Maybe I will have that epiphany that so many of my friends have had at 40, that its actually all uphill, not down as it feels at the moment. But as always my blog is a self indulgent way of sharing whatever weird thoughts, interests or events are going on in my head at any given time :)

I wonder, am I the only one who spend moments obsessing about getting older? Does everyone else just take it in their stride? I know it's a waste of energy to worry about something you can't change but I can also see a good side to it. I mean it's not exactly a bad thing to spend some time once a year reevaluating and thinking of ways to make sure you live your life to the fullest potential. And don't worry the psychosis is usually over by February!

Watching - Shameless. I've been watching the US version but am planning on watching the original UK version. And 'Grimm', not rocking my world but worth a look.

Reading - Seeing its the festive season I am really looking for light reading at night so I'm going through a few old Gaiman's.

Listening - Manu Chau, King of the Bongo. And right this second, Sweet Jane by the Cowboy Junkies.

State of Mind - Other than freaking out about my age, generally I'm in good spirits and just feeling so blessed with friends and family.

Holidays - Part 2

2012-01-05T12:27:00.001+11:00

After we got home from holiday part 1 we had an evening to recuperate and then it was up bright and early for part 2.

Once again we took advantage (in a loving and thankful way) of our friends generous offer to come and stay with them at their weekender.

As I've mentioned before Warrawilla is just outside of Wingham about 5 hours north of Sydney. The property we stay at is this unbelievable rustic reclaimed mud brick and old timers home. It's buried in a valley, surrounded by rainforest like bush and wildlife galore. It's completely beautiful, and a great combination of camping but with comfort and hot and cold running water.

We arrived by 5pm on the 30th and were instantly handed a glass of wine and a comfy chair. The kids ran off into the bush almost immediately with their little besties and we soaked up the nature.

The next day was new years eve so we spent the morning relaxing and the afternoon trying to decide what we would do that night. In the end the decision was made for us with the arrival of the other people who share the 700 acre property.

Once the kids were in bed we lit the huge bonfire put on some music and danced, drank and laughed the night away. I finally wandered into bed around 4am.

We spent a few more days just chilling and drove home on the third, feeling completely full of all the things you hope a holiday will bring (laughter, drink, relaxation, space, general chaos, and fantastic company)

It was, I must say, pretty great to get home last night. As much as we all had a lovely time away (twice) I think we all also feel like its time for a break from festivities for a while and just enjoy being in our home again. That's not to say that we might not have another long weekend away before the holidays are over ... Did I mention how much I love the holiday period!!!

Memorable moments:

- The kids being completely chilled for the five hour drive up.

- Being out in the paddock NYE and one of the guys cutting open the glow stick bracelets I had brought. It was like living on Pandora (the world from Avatar) with everything having a luminescent glow. It was incredibly beautiful made even more stunning by the surroundings and perhaps aided by a little to much wine.

- Coming back to the house at 4am to have AB tell me that it looks like Hamish had the bug that Jack had as he had vomited four times.

- Going for a drive up to ELands, having a bite to eat and seeing the waterfall. Followed by a bad mummy decision to let Hamish have an OJ which was then followed by him vomiting on the way home again. Good mummy decision to pack a bucket in the car.

- Celebrating my and Jacks birthday with friends by having mini birthday pavlovas made with fresh cream and strawberries.

- Going to see the other houses on the property which included a visit to a wildlife carer. The kids got to pat a baby wallaby, two baby flying foxes, chickens, a bald cockatoo, and a very talkative bird. A perfect activity that happened to fall on Jacks birthday (who needs the zoo).

- Watching my kids run, and jump and paddle to their hearts content, whilst they got their heads around stinging nettles, leeches and the other perils of bush life.

- My birthday present from our friends was a gorgeous ring and a girls night out with tickets to see a comedian. Jacks was a journal that he has been wanting for ages that his little bestie picked out just for him. So far he is to scared to write in it because he thinks it's too precious ;)

- Ant and AB were making a new water tank stand and Ant forgot to put the handbrake on. This lead to a hilarious (albeit dangerous) moment when the old rangie with trailer in tow started rolling down the hill. AB jumped over a pile of bamboo trying to get to the door and Ant tried to catch it from the other side. It finally stopped as it hit a small tree. Car 1 Tree 0. Seeing no one was hurt it was exceptionally funny :)

- Getting home to find that our house sitters had not only looked after the house and dogs they had also bought us a thank you gift comprising of a bottle of wine, a bar of nougat, a jar of home made jam and marmalade, some manuka honey and manuka honey soap, a little book, and a gorgeous card. They had also put on a few loads of washing and filled our ice trays!!

Seven Today ... OMG!

2012-01-03T17:32:00.001+11:00

Today my first baby boy turns seven. I have very little to say about this without going into gushing detail about how blessed we are to have him in our family. So I'll keep this one short and sweet (also cause I've been in the car for 5.5hrs now and I'm to tired to blog much)

Happy birthday to one of the most quirky, thoughtful, beautiful souls ever put on this earth!! So glad your mine!!

(eating birthday pavlova thanks to the very thoughtful Trish)

Holidays - Part 1

2011-12-30T14:15:00.001+11:00

It's the holidays, my favourite part of the year. It's not because of Christmas or my birthday but because it's normally a time where we four all get away for a while and relax, play, eat, and laugh together and with others.

This year started as it always does. In the joyous traditions of Christmas day. We drive to wherever ABs family are celebrating and eat way to much and then jump in the car and drive to Treenas families home and continue eating to much.

This year ABs family celebrations were at his uncles. Like me, he has a small family and so Xmas lunch is a lovely quiet affair. The kids swam, we toasted with champagne, swapped gifts and caught up with recent events.

Treenas family is also small, but they are a lively bunch. For dinner we had Turducken again, this time served cold, with lots of different vege dishes almost all of which came from their garden. And a baked ham that was the yummiest ham I've ever had as her dad had found a proper raw ham and cooked it himself. Add great food to a little to much celebratory drinking, lots of Christmas crackers and people with a wicked sense of humor and you've got Xmas night tied up.

Boxing days tradition is that we spend it with ABs oldest friend and his family. there is also at least one other group of friends. There was seven adults and nine children plus a cat and three dogs. As you can imagine much noise, food, nattering, drinking, swimming, minor bickering, laughing and fun was had by all.

It's a beautiful spot on the island that they have their weekender and the mix of people and kids all seemed to work easily together.

Memorable moments:

- About an hour into a 2.5 hour drive Jack started complaining about a tummy ache. I quickly pulled over, but not quite quick enough. He vomited all over the car door and some on himself. Made worse by the fact that mid vomit its really hard to get a kid out of a car seat. Of course AB was in his car with all the gear so I had nothing to clean up with until I remembered a small bag of clothes for charity in the back and 1/2 a bottle of water under the passenger seat. We then continued our drive and as we were headed through the valley on very windy roads Hamish suddenly declared he thought he was going to vomit. With no where to pull over and only a woolies bag in the car he proceeded to vomit the whole way down the hill crying that the bag was leaking vomit all over him. Finally we got to the house and as I started unpacking the car I realised that one of the dogs, like Hamish, had gotten car sick and has vomited all over their bed. Only 2.5 hours earlier we had left the house all showered and feeling fresh ready for a beautiful boxing day lunch, only to arrive all covered in vomit and not feeling or looking fresh at all. Luckily I was able to giggle my way through it all and even the kids saw the funny side once we got there.

- One night I was sitting outside sipping a glass of wine. I watched the commotion inside as dinner was being prepared and felt completely overwhelmed with love for the space we were in. There is really nothing like watching the house hustle and bustle, being totally relaxed and just feeling like all is right with the world. Family comes in all shapes, sizes and relationships and we are so lucky that although we both have small blood family, we have so many non-blood family members.

- One of our dogs gets a bit sketchy when the kids are in the pool. She runs around whimpering, trying completely unsuccessfully to round them up. As one child went to jump into the pool, she decided to try and stop her (I assume) and nipped her on the back of the leg. We felt terrible and apologized perfusly to both her parents and the child but they all understood it wasn't malicious. She was tied up for any other swimming.

- After what feels like, and may well be, months of rain and cloudy weather, the skies finally cleared and we had two beautiful warm days. I could feel my vitamin D stores replenishing and it was good to see the kids out in the fresh air and salty water.

- Sitting up after everyone has gone to bed feeling a little tipsy and listening to the water lapping on the rocks, synchronized snoring, and other night time noises.

- Watching the kids all play together. The men spending time together at the beach, fishing, fixing cars, and generally recouping after a hard year. And the women all talk and catch up on the years events, take turns looking after the kids so we could put our feet up for moments and also generally recoup after a tiring year.

The only real downside of this trip was that it wasn't quite long enough. I think another two days would have felt just perfect. The upside of course being that we had to leave because we had made plans to visit our other friends house up north.

Yeah, we are very lucky! Happy new year everyone!!

End of an Era!

2011-12-21T14:10:00.001+11:00

Today is a huge day in my mothering life. It's MY last day at preschool! Sure you could think that I would be writing about my baby boy leaving his beautiful preschool. About how it has been such a nurturing and loving environment for him, and how things will change with him moving onto 'big school'.
All of those things are definitely going on but he's completely chilled about the move. If fact he can't wait. Last night as we talked about it he said he was really only going to miss his teachers and his friend Jacob. But he reminded me he could see his teacher whenever he wanted because preschools fence is attached to big school. Then to help matters Jack told Hamish all about school and how really the only difference is that you can't eat anytime you want ... Oh! he remembered, now that they have 'crunch and sip' (the kids now have a small container of fruit and vege on their desks during class time) he actually could eat anytime he wanted, so school isn't different at all!
You could also be thinking having two kids in the one place will be fantastic (I know I am). One institution to focus on, no more events on the same day and having to choose if I go to the preschool one or the school one, one place to drop off and pick up!! And all of that really does sounds wonderfully easy.
But our preschool has been such a huge force in our families life. It's where I learnt to let my children fly, it's where I met some of the most amazing people I've ever met, it's been as nurturing and loving towards me as it has towards my children. And I will miss it!
Today is also the day I no longer have a 'preschooler'. I'm now the mother of two school aged children! And with that I will suddenly have 5 days a week without either of them! I feel lonely even thinking about it.
I've had as hard a road parenting young children as most mothers. But I love the time I spend with my kids. I do not worry about how I'll cope during holiday time because even with the trials and tribulations of three people spending a bit to much time together, we all also love being together.
So as I write this, I have one hour left of being a preschool mum! And I wanted to spend it putting a little thank you out into the cyber cosmos for giving us the gift of such an amazing place for our children and I to grow in.
Life moves forward no matter how much you sometimes wish it would stand still. And today is one of those days!
Thank you Marcia, Simone, Kim, Su, Tina, Elena, Renu, Renata, Emma, Sandra and Leanne. At least a dozen times over the last five years I have seen you love my children and I have felt you love me. I will forever be thankful for what you have given us all xx

Here's to You!

2011-12-12T16:15:00.001+11:00

I've mentioned before that I am blessed with a lot of completely awesome women in my life. Some I see almost everyday, some I speak to every week and some I connect with regularly through social media, text message and if I'm lucky phone calls once a month or so. But there are some, whom I hardly ever connect with at all. See the problem is that days, weeks and years pass so quickly. There is so much flotsam in our everyday lives that mostly it's only the people who are either already so wonderfully entrenched in you life that you couldn't get away from them even if you wanted to or the ones who follow similar movements to you who get any of the time left after the flotsam is complete.

Today I was reminded of that as I hung out with a group of women I used to see weekly, but who's movements are so completely different to mine that we are now lucky if we see each other once a year. I think of them often and I know they also think of me but as far as actually having a conversation or being part of their lives in any way, well the instances are few and far between.

So today's post is for these women, you know who you are! You are the women I adore but never see or speak to, you are the women I hope one day to build stronger relationships with, you are the women I met in lots of different ways who have touched my heart to such a degree that I don't want you to disappear from my life but whom also have so much flotsam in your day that developing stronger relationships with me just isn't something you have time for either .... yet! But some time soon, sometime in the not to distant future, your schedule and mine will hopefully, possibly, probably give us the space in life to actually get to hang out, get to know each other better and hopefully you too will become one of those women so wonderfully entrenched in my life that I couldn't get away from you even if I wanted to.

Watching - The Grudge, The Ring, 28 Days Later

Advent - Opps forgot to do that today!

Reading - My darling friends book. Try as I might I have not been able to find a 'good' time to read it so just before I go to sleep will have to do! I got 1/2 way last night (thanks babe, it meant that I was up till 11.30pm) and hopefully I will get more read tonight!

State of Mind - Eternally thankful and loved.

There Heeere!!

2011-12-10T10:13:00.001+11:00

I was talking via facebook with my evil stepmother the other day about horror movies. She is not a fan. In fact I don't think she has ever watched a horror movie or if she has it scarred her so much she didn't go back for seconds. It seems to me this is the way of horror movies, you either love them or hate them. I love them.

Thing is I used to be quite a scared kid. I think it came from having such an overactive imagination. I was terrified of the dark, I still remember watching Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Nightmare on Elm Street, and this show on the ABC about the Burko Brothers. All if which I'm sure didn't help me sleep at night. Then came Twin Peaks, which sent me into night terrors territory and that was the end of any scary movies for a long time.

In my late teens (or even early 20s) I let my love of Sci-Fi movies lead me down the inevitable path towards scary movies and I realised that the more I watched the less scared I was. Most scary movies fall into a few simple categories and once you know what sort of film you're watching it becomes easier to recognise what's coming next.

Slasher - ie. Halloween, Scream.
Paranormal - ie. Poltergiest, The Ring
Torture - ie. Hellraiser, Saw
Sci-Fi - ie. Alien, Pitch Black
Monster - ie. Dawn of the Dead, The Thing.

(note: of course there are sub categories and categories like suspense thriller, which I don't include in the horror genre)

Once you have identified the type of horror you're watching it's much easier to not be scared. The truth is that within each category most of the story lines are very similar. Sure the jump moments change and the endings differ but mostly seen one slasher film and you've seen them all.

Anyway, Inge posed the question, what could possibly be entertaining about being scared out of your wits? and I just didn't have an answer. The truth is these films rarely scare me while I am watching them, but some, stay with me and leap out at unexpected moments.

1. Sometimes I still expect a little Japanese freaky girl from The Grudge to start meowing at me next to my bed.
2. When the washing is blowing on the line as I go out to the loo at night I have a 28 Days Later moment.
3. Any of the movies with creepy backwards talking, scary eyes, or that weird jittery movement (think the little girl from the ring) scare the bejeezus out of me for the rest of the night think Event Horizon
4. The dark corners of any room, when I'm feeling freaked out remind me of the B-Grade movie They.
5. When my stairs creak in the night and it sounds like someone walking up them even though there is no one in the house I'm in Paranormal Activity territory.
6. Step over the huge gutter in front of our house in the middle of the night speaks for itself really (and IT also explains why clowns kind of freak me out)

So why watch? Why enjoy the movie if it sticks like glue in my brain waiting for a weak moment to pop out and make me pull the bedcovers over my head? I don't know? Maybe because once I have conquered my fear for the night I feel stronger, less like a victim. Maybe because the more I learn to deal with these fears the less fearful I am of real life stuff. I mean when I home alone I rarely find myself feeling spooked out about axe murderers. Whereas even at the height of my Zombie fears, I can console myself with the idea that its all in my head.

And maybe, just maybe, I watch so that I know the rules to survive the zombie apocalypse, or the things that go bump in the night!

Watching - Halloween, Poltergeist, Angel Heart and about to really challenge myself with a japanese horror remake fest.

Reading - Just started a bit more of China Melvilles the City and the City

State of Mind - Sick of the rain, I want to finish painting already!!

Advent - Go to the pool (it raining), Have a picnic for dinner (its raining so we did it inside), Read Xmas stories at bedtime (couldn't find the book at the last minute so had to try and remember one).

On the 1st Day of Christmas

2011-12-07T21:24:00.001+11:00

When I was a child the first weekend of Christmas was when we put up the Christmas tree. Mum and I would trek, saw in hand, for what felt like hours through the sand mines behind our house looking for what 'I' thought was the perfect tree. After we had cut it down and dragged it back to the house, we would spray the bejesus out of it with inset spray to make sure there were no spiders in it and then, after chocking it in a pot with bricks, I would order mum into her room while I decorated it.

It was an incredibly special day to me. I would set up a tape player with Christmas carols and take hours decorating the tree with care. There were a few super special decorations that had a special place, the angle on top (of course) and my special piece of tinsel that was 2 inches long and rainbow coloured. The story goes that apparently I had found the piece of tinsel on the ground in David Jones when I was two and had always been particular about it being just below the angel.

That is how I feel about Christmas. It's not about being stylish, or groovy, for me it's all about tradition. And I love every part of it.

These days we don't live close to anywhere where we can cut down our own tree so usually we buy one from the local corner store but in traditions name after AB chocks it into a pot with bricks, I order him out of the room while I painstakingly decorate the tree (carols are optional).

This year a store bought tree wasn't in the budget (and at $65 for something waist hight who can blame me) and the first weekend of December had passed in a street party blur. So after thinking about buying a fake tree (sacralidge!) I decided that I would do a tried and true last minute tree.

I went to the community center nextdoors and grabbed a bunch of nice long sticks and an old can of gold spray paint and let the kids have at it. Once they were painted and stuffed in a large glass jar we have (for just this occasion) it was time to start decorating.

Hmmm ...

So tradition, did I mention, really what Christmas is all about. But seriously, the tree was not traditional, and the kids knew it. Hamish kept trying to put the meter of ugly tinsel that we found at vinnies on it and Jack kept saying "mum this tree is ya know, kinda weird shaped" after me talking about how all Christmas trees are different he said with a smile "ohh so we can have a proper one next year, this ones just different, like for fun, right?".

As I started getting the decorations out I remembered that the dogs a few years ago had eaten the angel and as I searched hi and low for the rainbow tinsel, tears welled in my eyes when I realised it was gone. I then tried to find the carols CD and came up blank.

I sat down, feeling pretty depressed about the state of my tree, when suddenly the boys went wild, lights were flying they were laughing and rummaging through the box for the perfect decorations, they asked a million questions about each one and then they started to sing ...

So I sat on the lounge and sang Christmas carols while they wildly and yet quite precisely decorated the tree.

Tradition, still a huge part of Christmas, advent calendar, Nyssa's on the mantle, Santa sacks, trees covered in red, green and gold, and pretty lights wherever you can put them. But maybe my new tradition is that the kids decorate, we all sing carols and I try (and I will have to try) to celebrate my children's idea of how a Christmas tree should look instead of my perfectionist ideals of what the tree should look like.

I wonder, have others had to change their ideas of Christmas to accommodate their children? Sure they make Christmas better on soo many levels ... actually I may actually be able to live with the new tree tradition.

Watching - Buffy Season 4.

Listening - Kids singing Christmas carols.

Reading - Back to reading nothing, just falling exhausted into bed.

Advent - Kids pick for Xmas movie, hot chocolate with marshmallows.

State of mind - Feeling jollier every day!

It's Beginning to Feel a lot like Christmas!

2011-12-04T17:43:00.001+11:00

It's the Sunday after our street Xmas party! Which means that we are all still tired and the street has been quiet since early Saturday morning.
The night started with the arrival of the jumping castle. As usual we had the jumping part and the slippery slide part! The kids went wild while we parents started setting up. This meant tables and chairs pulled out of our back yards, bins organized and the BBQ was fired up. It always takes a while for people without kids to start wandering out of their houses (perhaps they are put off by the wildness of a dozen kids with a jumping castle all to themselves). Slowly but surely everyone started to pop their heads out and join the celebration. Once all the stragglers arrived it was time for Santa! The kids all took a break from the manic jumping to receive a present each and then resumed the aforementioned manic jumping. Drinks and food started to flow, BBQ keeping everyone warm on the unseasonably cold evening. And on it went, everyone talking, music blasting and drinks flowing.
It's the nicest part of the street party, everyone gets to relax, have a drink if they want. The kids are running and playing in the dark (with all with glow bracelets or sparklers) and popping from one house to the next to raid the fridge, and play. No one has to leave early to put kids to bed because we are all just outside.
The castle was packed away after all the adults got on and had a jump and as it got late I put a movie on in my house for the medium sized kids, a neighbour put a different movie on for the littlies and some of the straglers (my kids included) where still riding their bikes at 10pm. Finally all the kids were asleep, 2 of the little ones had been put to sleep on a mattress in the middle of the road and Hamish had fallen asleep playing a game on a pile of cushions in the middle of a neighbours driveway.
It was a hilarious night! And as always it was great to get to talk to some of the neighbours you only see passing by most of the year.
The next day was unusually quiet on the street, most of the kids staying in for a quiet day. Unfortunately AB and I had to be out by 11am for separate kids parties. Luckily (seeing I hadn't gotten to bed until 3am and was slightly hungover) the party I took Hamish to was lovely, full of food perfect for a hangover (a great salad of potato, mint, salt and olive oil, greasy sausages and a lovely fresh watermelon salad) and really relaxed people.
The afternoon was spent watching DVDs and having cat naps on the lounge.
Today we woke up to a gorgeous sunny day but by 10am it was overcast, cold and windy. I decided to give AB the house as he needed to work so I took the kids to the indoor pool. We spent three hours in the warm and incredibly busy pool. Thankfully they make a great coffee! I was so proud of both the kids, they played beautifully and Hamish (who is still very nervous in the pool) was incredibly brave practicing going under water with his brand new goggles on.
And so that was our weekend. It's certainly starting to feel a lot like holiday time, and I must say I can't wait. Not only am I extraordinarily excited about Christmas finally getting here but I am mostly excited about having my two boys home a lot, feeling free to stay in our jammies until late and being free to do whatever we want for six whole weeks!
Watching - my neighbours film that I had talked about with him last Xmas party and I found out thos as party had been released direct to DVD earlier this year. It's a zombiesce film set in the Australian outback called 'Primal'. And it was as good as any low budget zombie film I have seen and had some really great gore scenes and funny moments. I get a little twinge of joy that (as a lover of zombie films) a guy across the road actually made one! It's sort of like the Kevin Bacon game, I'm one step away from a zombie movie maker lol.
Reading - I've finally read the next few chapters of my BFFs book. I'm not allowed to talk about it at all as its still in draft form, and am honestly the worst friend in the world cause it is taking me this long. But as I've mentioned before I want to make sure it's not my before bed reading (which I haven't done in ages anyway) because I want to take it in and not rush it.
Advent calendar - we have had; have a picnic for dinner, Xmas party night worked as a picnic (fri), kids pick for dinner, tuna paste (sat), go out for ice cream, which we did at the pool today (sun)
State of mind - completely and utterly mind blowingly tired! But oh was a lovely weekend!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2011-12-01T20:37:00.001+11:00

Today was spent prepping the house for our streets annual Christmas party! Sure in the scheme of things I thought I'd be decorating a completely finished house with a gorgeous new garden, but hey! Christmas lights make even the dodgiest house look amazing.

Of course finding the 'right' lights to buy was a bit of a chore (everyone else is particular about the colour of the cord and colour of the light right! I mean the woman in bunnings looked at me like I was a bit mad when I explained my need for icicle lights, on white cords, with a warm white light!) and I'm not loving my new stars (they are the wrong white) but all in all our house is starting to look quiet festive.

Next year I'd like another long coloured string on a white string seeing as the lower lights are a bit broken. But they will probably come down next week so I can start painting the facia board and posts. Amazingly, the top balcony and all of those balustrades are completely finished so my lovely new (warm) icicle lights can stay where they are!

Today we also started the advent calendar. My gorgeous oxfam pocketed calendar is filled with little activities for us to do every day. Todays was have a big bubble bath together, but seeing as it was a hot afternoon and the kids spent all arvo in the kiddy pool it was put off to another day.

So it's the silly season! I'm finally excited and can't wait to start celebrating. Thank goodness we get to start tomorrow night! The street party should be a blast IF the weather holds! Fingers crossed!!

Watching - last night I watched the remake of 'Fright Night'. With a cast including, Toni Collett and David Tennent, it's not surprising it tickled my fancy!

Reading - sorry what? What's a book?

Listening - is it to early for Christmas carols? Probably!

State of mind - Ho Ho Ho ...

Nothing Else For It!

2011-11-25T19:54:00.000+11:00

OK I hate to complain, but mix this weather with a still incomplete front of the house (the mud, the dust, the depressing blandness of it all) and the entire house is feeling completely ... blah!!

I got it into my head a few weeks ago that if we weren't going to complete front of the house before Christmas then I was going to need to DO something to make it all feel a little more ... lush ... soft ... finished.

I've spent almost every spare minute I've had painting. But alas the top floor is still incomplete and the lower level isn't even started. I've run out of things that can be painted while it rains and it seem a long time since we've had a completely rain-free day.

So yesterday I spite of the rain (seeing we are a while off getting the front brick fence done) I decided to pull all of the pots that we were storing in the back yard, and create a border around the two dusty clay mounds that is our front yard.

This sounds like an easy job, it certainly did to me when I started but, well, we live and learn. This meant that I had to carry 20 terra cotta pots from the very back of our yard to the very front of our yard. I thought this would be easier if I used our box trolley, but learnt quickly that this just leads to broken terra cotta pots. Then today I had to find soil to fill them, perfect, I could use soil from our now defunked vege patch! But of course this had become our storage space for off cuts of wood. So I had to move all of the wood to one side, climb gingerly into the falling apart garden bed and start digging. Using the aforementioned box trolley, I then pushed aprox 15 buckets full of soil down to the front yard. And we were ready to plant!!

Hamish and I went to the local garden shop. I picked six types of salad greens/herbs and Hamish picked four types of pretty flowers (one for each of us). All for $30 but then I saw a hydrangea! The truth is as I started thinking about the front yard (all those months ago) all I wanted to fill it with what I think of as 'mum' plants. These are hard to explain as I don't know what they are until I see them but all of them have an English cottage garden feel. Sadly there were no 'mum' plants at the garden shop, except for hydrangeas which were more than I wanted to spends on a 'temporary garden'. So after looking at them for ages and calling AB to see if he thought they would survive in our yard I bought one.

When I got home I thought all I had to do was pick which plant went where? But mid planting one of my divine neighbours who had noticed me eyeing off one of her gorgeous huge and very pretty perennials came down with a gift. She had broken it into three amazing large clumps and asked if I wanted to have them. Ummm of course. So more pots and more soil. She then mentioned she had 5 extra cuttings of lavender all of which were ready to be repotted, would I like them. Ummm of course. So more pots and more soil trekked from the back yard.

By the end of the day I had potted up over 20 different pots, with loads of edibles and pretty, pretty plants. Dug holes in our clay front yard which I filled with geraniums and lined with old bricks By which time I was wet to the core and covered in clay and mud.

To finish off I grabbed our old wooden bench and table and popped them onto the deck so we have somewhere to sit.

It was a long, wet, muddy day. But I hope the new border stops the kids thinking they can walk over the mud to get into the house and for the moment it certainly softens the front of the house a bit. Plus once the greens take off hopefully I'll have enough for all the salads I'll start making once the weather warms up again!

Watching - Cowboys and Aliens, seeing as my expectations weren't high it exceeded them. Actually if I'm honest I liked it heaps and can't wait to watch it again.

Reading - still nothing AB being away means that after a full on days I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.

Listening - nada, but I'm keen to give Adalita a listen sometime soon.

State of mind - Really tired but feeling like the front of the house is looking a bit fresher. Oh and can I say now, I can't wait for school holidays!!

Facing Your Fears

2011-11-20T19:10:00.000+11:00

A month ago we got a note home from school with the details for Jacks yearly musical extravaganza. Whilst I was talking to him about what they were doing he said intently "mumma, I really really don't want to do it". He went on to talk about the fact that he didn't want to dress up because the costume was wearing all black and then wearing red underpants over the top of his clothes.
Jack spent the first 4 years of his life almost constantly naked. But as he has gotten older he has become quite a private boy when it comes to his body.
He was completely beside himself at the idea of having to wear his knickers in front of the whole school (and honestly, who can blame him). So I approached the teacher and she agreed it was a bit uncool and spoke to the music teacher and the costume was changed to red shorts or skirts over black.
Great I though, now he can enjoy doing his concert. But alas! He was still concerned. I talked further with him about why, but in true Jack way (or perhaps it's a six year old boy way) he couldn't put his finger on why, sometimes it was that he couldn't remember the song, other times it was that he didn't know what shoes to wear, once it was because he was tired (two weeks before) and on it went. Finally I got it! He was nervous about getting up on stage and performing.
He is actually great at public speaking and gets very positive feed back on his speeches and class presentations but this was different, this was singing and dancing (and as it turned out, playing maracas) in front of half the school and he was freaking out.
Again in true Jack style, once it was pointed out that the whole class was performing he stopped trying to find ways to not do it because he didn't want to let the class down. But there was no way he was going he was going to embrace it!
The afternoon of the performance Jack was beside himself trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to wear. He changed pants twice, shoes three times, and spent a record amount of time in front of the mirror fiddling with his hair.
Finally we rocked into school, ate sausages and waited for the extravaganza to start. Jack had chilled out but gave me an extra long cuddle as I went to leave him to get ready. I could feel how nervous he was. The energy around him was positively electric. And I watched him with such pride, I mean there was no asking not to do it or clinging to my leg. Just a little boy making a decision to do something even though the idea of it scared him.
The performance was ... cute, as all kids singing and dancing are. Jack started slowly and then caught my eye and grinned. Together, Hamish and I standing at the side of the hall and Jack on stage, we grinned, danced, sang and shook our maracas. He didn't take his eyes off Hamish and I and sweetly, I realised he was trying extra hard because we were watching and loving him doing it.
Later that night as he lay in bed, I asked him how he felt about the extravaganza. He was quiet and then he said "you know mumma, I really didn't want to do the music extravaganza. I was scared to get up on stage, but I had a lot of fun! I'm so glad I did it".
And so once again my kids have taught me a life lesson. Some of the best things in life come from being scared and doing it anyway. And you know what! if a six year old boy can do it .... What's stopping me? Or you? Or anyone?
So next time I think of not doing something because it's out of my comfort zone, I'm going to have to remember Jack and the music extravaganza. Because goodness knows I can't possibly be outdone by my six year old .... although sometimes I wonder if I already have been, and if that's not part of the point of good parenting anyway.
Watching - It's zombie season once again, Season 2 of the walking dead.
Listening - Triple J whilst painting.
Reading - I have not picked up anything in days.
State of mind - Tonight I'm very tired but quietly content.

Running on High

2011-11-16T19:18:00.000+11:00

The older I get the more aware I am of what an intense personality I have. I think I have probably always been a high octave kind of person but there is no doubt that my lifestyle these days has exacerbated this trait.

Partially I think this is because this lifestyle, full of multi tasking, doesn't gel well with my other personality trait which is laziness. I use the word laziness with a certain amount of caution because it tends to lead people to envisage that I get nothing done. I get a lot done, but I seem to always try and find the easiest way of doing it and if there is a time where there is little to be done, I rarely get bored or look for things to fill my time. If anything I revel in these quiet moments and happily spend them doing nothing.

So add a generally lackadaisical personality to a high activity lifestyle and you get me, pretty consistently, running on high speed.

This is something that although I spend time occasionally pondering, doesn't bother me. I mean, I am who I am. It's not something that I apologies for especially as it rarely effects other people. But it is something that I would like to work on a bit.

You see there are some ... side effects. I miss details occasionally, I have trouble recalling them especially things like details people have told me in conversation, or the tiny tasks that need to be completed. I talk extremely fast at times, this probably means people also miss the details of things I have told them. And when I am in this state I speak without really hearing how what I'm about to say is going to come out.

But hey, we all have pieces of ourselves we know need work, most of us more than one. I am also aware that these traits give us something. My ability to talk fast means I can get out what I want to say in record time ;) it means that I really can multi task with the best of them. Sure doing so 24/7 means that occasionally small details get missed but hey the rest of the time I'm practically a work-a-holic.

So as I contemplate slowing down, thinking and acting more calmly I will also take time to remember the positive parts as well.

What personality traits do you have that you'd like to work on? What's stopping you? For me the reason I'm not exactly working on my hyperactive nature is that at the moment it still (mostly) serves me well.

It just may mean I have a few more grey hairs or wrinkles than I would if I could learn to relax a bit more often ;)

Watching - Rise of the planet of the apes. Don't know if it was just the right movie for the time but I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

Reading - when I get a chance I am reading (very very slowly) a book a friend of mine wrote. So far the words lush and whimsical come to mind.

Listening - I actually haven't listened to anything for days ... except the clogs of my own brain ticking over at high speed.

State of mind - generally, contently frantic.

Blog! What Blog?

2011-11-11T20:11:00.000+11:00

Wow, I've been a very quite blogger recently. The truth is that other than painting, general life stuff and a few mini cool moments life isn't really feeling blog worthy.
We have had a bit of a heat wave recently and of course it coincided with me deciding to start painting the upper level of our house. So days of standing under a tin roof and sanding, sweating, filling, sweating, sanding again, sweating and then finally doing some painting has pretty much been all I have been doing.
As you can imagine, I'm pretty exhausted, but in a good way. The house if moving forward again and it's feeling great (no photos till I've done both levels).
This weekend once again we have taken advantage of our generous friends holiday house. I feel so lucky to have two gorgeous friends who both have very different but both amazing places that we are able to use for these mini breaks. They certainly have made both AB and I feel less claustrophobic about our city living as we can break out, without breaking the bank! So this afternoon we rocked into 'our' southbound holiday shack, and within two minutes the kids and the dogs were swimming and AB and I were having a drink sitting in the sun and relaxing.
Anyway this whole lackadaisical blogging thing has to stop! Maybe now that all the hard work on the house and the year is all winding down my brain will be able to think about things to blog about ... remind me, there is more to life than houses and kids isn't there? :) of course there is and as I sit here on my own, music blaring and candles burning I am suddenly reminded of that. You gotta love these mini breaks from reality to reset!
Watching - ... Um ...
Reading - a divine friend of mine has sent me some of her writings that will be read by the end of the weekend.
Listening - right now, 'Golden Years' by David Bowie, it's a classic and no I don't care that it could be considered a bit daggy. It was proceeded by Kimbra and will be followed by something equally as groovy I'm sure ;)
State of mind - getting there.

Halloween

2011-10-31T20:09:00.001+11:00

Love it or hate it, Halloween seems to bring out some pretty strong emotions. Personally I love the idea of Halloween.

This year the kids from our street all decided to dress up and go trick-or-treating within the square (mostly to their own houses).

It was a fun little activity and it inspired me to maybe take it a little further next year ... Just what that means I'm not sure but I'll put some thought into it.

So anyhow, Happy Halloween! I hope you have your tummy full of candy or however you decide to spend it (even if your hiding and ignoring the kids knocking on your door).

Watching - Mr Poppers Penguins
Listening - Manu Chau
Reading - Good Omens
State of Mind - A little sugar high!

Finished! For Now!

2011-10-28T18:52:00.001+11:00

My feet (and the rest of me) are currently sitting relaxing on my top deck. Yes there is more work to do but all the carpentry work is done. Well except for the floor beading which can't be done until the floors are done, which can't be done until the painting is done, which can't be done until ABs schedule is free enough for him to help me.
Today Ant packed up his tools and did my last de-dust of the house. And finally the whole thing is pretty ready to enjoy. Although it will also constantly aggravate me until it's complete.
For this afternoon I'm enjoying the warm breeze, with a glass of white wine, sitting on my banana lounge, watching the people go by and listening to the birds sing. And you know what! I deserve it ;)
Listening - Triple J on the work site and a mixture of my favourite tunes in the shower every evening. It's become my zen moment after a hard day, candles, wine, shower, loofa and some of my favs on the iPod ... Ahh the serenity!
Watching - X-men first class. It's probably herecy to say that I liked it better than the others, but I did.
Reading - Just finished the Coraline graphic novel.
State of mind - sad that my building adventure is over, but glad as well. Looking forward to starting painting, but dreading it as well. It's all very complexed.

Mini Finale to the Max

2011-10-20T21:47:00.000+11:00

I'm sort of sick of blogging about the house. I keep wanting to type words like, strapping, V-Joints and router. In fact more that once I have deleted a post I was 1/2 way through writing because on a reread, it bored even me.

The thing is that I can't capture in words, the almost velvety softness of new floor boards under my feet. I'm unable to help you visualise how lovely it is sitting on the deck after work with a cider in hand, chatting in the sun. I will never be able to express how lovely the colours are in the flesh. These things I just can not adequately put into words.

So yeah, I'm sick of blogging about the house but seeing that at the moment it is the main focus of my day (all day every day) its hard not to share. Not only because each time it moves forward I get a little buzz of excitement, but also because everyday I am doing things I'm so proud of.

Never more than today, as today all major construction is complete!

Sure there are still lots (and lots) of little bits to be done. And then we have to paint, and sand and oil the floors and then get come contractors in to do the tiling and the brick fence, and we have to organise the garden beds and plant. But for the rest of this week we are done!

Next week we finish up with Ant after a few days fixing up the upstairs doors and making some fly screens. Then its up to AB and I to paint.

We are also going to be taking a break before we do a lot of the other final bits. So this is probably my last 'house' post for a while, (do I hear a hell's yeah!!!) as realistically until its painted there will be nothing interesting enough to talk about.

I wonder what I will do with my time once it's all complete, I'll both miss it and be glad to be able to focus on the rest of my life again. No matter what I think I'll be spending a heap more time sitting out the front!

Balustrades (aka Oh Look it's a Verandah)

2011-10-18T17:24:00.001+11:00

That is all ....

The Beginning of the End

2011-10-17T22:11:00.001+11:00

No, it's not almost finished but it's starting to look like it is. Probably about two or so weeks to go .... (omg how will I survive). Tonight I'm exhausted, not so much from the physical work but the mental work of having too much on my plate. So instead of talking you through what we did today on site, I'm going to walk you through my day.

- Woke at 7.30am to Ant on the doorstep, rushed down to make coffee for everyone and say goodbye to AB.
- Started taking timbers upstairs, while arguing with the kids.
- Make lunchboxes, sort through many, many baskets of clean clothes looking for pairs of socks and old clothes for me to wear for the work day ahead.
- Drop kids off at school, talk to teacher about why school work isn't done (mummy forgot) and other teacher about why child is in a bad mood (mummy couldn't find matching socks).
- Go to very blokey local hardware to buy drill bits.
- Start sorting boards into lengths while Ant cuts them and then help to drill and nail in each board for entire top deck.
- Run up and down stairs at least 20 times as Ant needs things.
- Sweep upper and lower decks.
- Realise it's 1.30pm and we haven't stopped for a break so go downstairs to make sandwiches and cold drinks.
- Start cutting boards to fit the ends of beams.
- Call divine and amazing friend, as I am covered in sawdust and fiberglass splinters, to pick up children.
- Sand the cut edges of boards, find more tools, screws, and bits or wood for Ant.
- Clean decks again. Also do quick sweep inside as I had forgotten to close front door so entire house is full of sawdust.
- Hold up 6mtr long board while Ant nails it in place (get more splinters and a blood blister for my effort)
- Make kids snacks, put on DVD, referee brotherly quarrels.
- Realise it 5pm and start cleaning site, sweeping (again) packing all the tools I'd gathered away again, moving large bits of timber into the back yard.
- Feed dogs.
- Sort out wood order with Ant for tomorrow over a cider and a sit down.
- Realise it 6pm, start kids dinner.
- Clean kitchen, put on load of washing, sweep entire house, sort through and fold clothes so we don't have another sock meltdown tomorrow.
- Feed kids and realise I have nothing ready for ABs dinner.
- Decide he can have frozen soup from last week and I'll eat kids leftovers.
- Shower, dress and take children to bed. Sing two songs about stars while kids stick glowing stickers to the wall (all the while realizing that I have A LOT of sawdust in my hair).
- Finally get to have a shower myself at 9pm just as AB gets home.
- Write this as I head up to bed, ready to start all over again tomorrow.

No wonder I'm tired ... but boy the house is starting to look fantastic!

With a Roof and a Floor

2011-10-16T16:31:00.001+11:00

So after weeks of fiddly little bits where no one else but us would know and a few weeks holiday our site is finally visually moving forward again.

This week has been about getting the tin roof on and on Friday starting on the beautiful black butt, tongue and groove, deck. Unfortunately it rained a bit on Friday evening so they look a bit trashy at the moment (but they will come back with a light sand and a top coat).

It's all starting to look like a verandah!!!

Tomorrow we keep going on the top decks floor and then it's facia boards and balustrades. After that ... Who knows?

It's excited to be getting closer to the end and start to see the details come into place. At some time soon, I will need to get going with the painting but that will be after most of the construction is done.

We are still a long way off finished. If there is one thing I have learnt it's that everything takes twice as long as I think it will.

I'm not sure what I will do with myself after the build is finished. I'm sure I'll start remembering what it's like NOT ignoring the kids, or how it feels to be relatively clean all day, or how to have a little 'me' time in my week. But for now we keep plowing on and luckily it's all worth it for how good I feel when I do something I didn't think I could or another bit suddenly falls into place.

Conversations with a 6.5 yr old - Faith

2011-10-09T21:18:00.000+11:00

Jack - Mum what do you believe in?
Me - What do you mean?
J - I mean Buddhism, God ... I know you don't believe in God but what do you believe in?
Me - I believe a mixture of things. What do you believe?
J - I believe in Buddhism, 99%
Me - That's good babe, it's always good to leave enough space in what you believe to ask questions. Do you believe in reincarnation?
Jack - I think so, we might need more time and to experience being an animal or a bug. I hope next time I come back as a dragon!! There could be dragons in China? ... Or anywhere? No one knows everything, not even scientists.

(Mind you the whole conversation led to me talking about sponges and how they used to pull them out from the sea and use them in the bath. To which he replied "Really! Did they used to do that in your time". I laughed and he asked what was funny and I said "I don't feel so old but I guess to you I am". Of course his reply was "Yeah you do seem old to me, but that's ok mum, 34 is a lot older than almost 7")

Brotherly Love?

2011-10-05T14:08:00.001+11:00

My boys are completely besotted with each other. The amount of love and care that they often show each other astounds me. At 3.5 Jacks way of caring for his brother at preschool was something most of the teachers pulled me aside and praised. At 4 Hamish's way of sticking up for his brother when other children or I were fighting with him was beautiful to watch.

That's my disclaimer to this post. Because of course my kids also fight like cats and dogs. Now don't get me wrong, I know this is normal and that as children who spend so much time together it's expected. I have even spoken to them about the fact that most families have some fighting in them and that it's normal and doesn't mean that we don't all love each other.

They actually fight a lot less than they used to as they get older, they seem to be getting better at working together to come to a solution they are both happy with. And it's with relief (for all of us) that these days when they do fight it's a lot less physical, so although they do sometimes escalate to the point of thumping one another, it more often just yelling and screaming or using harsh tones and mean words. It's not an every day thing, it's not even an every few days thing but when it happens it's almost always something like this;

It's my turn, no it's mine, no, yes, no, yes, nonononono, yesyesyesyes, NOOO, YESSSS .... MUUUUUM!!! He won't, MUUUUM!!! He won't either ....... MUUUUUM!!! (but the whole thing goes for at least 5 minutes)

And I then usually intervene, trying without taking sides to find some middle ground. Sometimes this winds up with me yelling as well, or threatening to take the object or activity of contention away. In the end we are all cranky with each other and nothing is really resolved.

I'm trying something new these days. At times when everyone is happy I am talking to them about both trying to see when their behaviour is about to lead to a fight. And also the idea that instead of relying on me to mediate, finding a way to stop themselves.

We talk about the ideas of ignoring annoying behavior so that they don't find it annoying in the first place. We talk about walking away so that they can have a break from each other. We talk about trying to negotiate with each other and come to a compromise.

Mostly we talk about the fact that AB and I don't want to have to be put in the middle of an argument between our two favourite people in the world and how we hope that as they grow and get older they will learn to sort things out without them both getting so mad at each other.

As two people raising sibling but never having siblings themselves it's an interesting thing to watch. I often wish I had a sibling so that I could have some reference point. What did my parents do? How did it affect my relationship with my siblings? Etc. Having the insight might not help us much as I think it would, but at least I'd have another sibling relationship to get ideas from.

Anyway, my new way of dealing with it certainly isn't an instant success but I think as it goes on the arguments are getting sorted out more often between themselves. I'm feeling positive about this course of action as it feels like I am giving them skills for conflict resolution and hopefully this will help them more and more as time goes on.

I wonder what other parent do? Or what your parents did with your siblings? Can you actually identify any reasons you do or do not have good relationships with your siblings? Is there one big answer? Probably not.

In the end I'm sure my kids have an amazing and loving relationship and I believe that it will always be that way. Time will tell I guess and at least this way there is a lot less MUUUUMMMMM!!

Watching - Big Bang new eps
Reading - Still on Sandman
Listening - Yesss, nooo, Yesss, nooo
State of mind - after this mornings sibling disagreement, pretty glad it's a preschool day and the boys have a bit of space from one another.

Bye Bye Birdie

2011-10-04T18:31:00.000+11:00

Not long after mum died AB and I went away for a few weeks. We drove from Sydney to Adelaide, up to Alice Springs, across to Brisbane and home again. It was a quick trip to get us out of our grieving space and take some time out of the real world for a while.

While we were in Alice we saw these paintings by an indigenous artist who also designed the aboriginal flag. They were beautiful. All of them in some way were of birds native to the area and all of them screamed space and peacefulness. In the state of mind that we were both in we bought one.

We had it framed a year or so later after we got back from living in Singapore and almost immediately as we put it on the wall I knew it wasn't really a painting that would bring me joy for years to come. It's just not my style. Firstly I'm not really a landscape person, secondly I'm not really a bird person and thirdly I'm not really a water colour person.

But it was expensive and even if it wasn't my style it was beautiful and worthy of respect. So on our wall it stayed.

Today as I cleaned and preened around the house I looked at our birds and finally felt that I'd had enough of it dominating our living space. I took it down and tried to imagine what I would actually love on that wall. I found an old mirror in my hiddey hole under the stairs. And a few frames waiting to be filled. I moved almost every wall hanging or artwork in our house and finally felt like our living space was more the way I wanted it.

The birds have been moved into the study. And although I'm still not loving them I feel like they work better in this space.

I think that the choices I have made in the lounge are good, but it's not perfect yet (maybe it never will be) so I'm certain I will be fiddling with it for a while yet. But for now I'm feeling pretty impressed with the results.

So tonight as I sit relaxing in our newly tweaked lounge room, I'm reminded how changing your space can really change your frame of mind as you live in the space. As they say 'a change is as good as a holiday'. And tonight apparently I'm having another mini break. Now all we need is to paint the lounge and maybe I'll finally be happy with it :)

Reading - Sandman Trade PB 8
Watching - Fringe S4
Listening - To the hum of the city once again
State of mind - Glad I accomplished my spring clean and wondering when I can convince AB that we need another mini break again.

October in the Chair

2011-10-03T16:44:00.001+11:00

Ahhh October long weekend, I love you but do you always have to rain!

The upside of the 3 days of non stop rain is that I am no longer sad that we didn't go camping in Bellingen for the carnival. Last time it rained for 3 days when we were there and the amount of mud mixed with being colder than normal and outdoor pit toilets meant that it was an extra specially feral time had by all. Did I enjoy it at the time? Yep. Am I eager to do it again? Nup.

There has also been considerably less traffic on the roads, I'm assuming the weather turned people off a trip up the coast so that's a pretty big bonus as well.

But what's amazing about this long weekend is how with all the rain, and four children cooped up inside (with no TV or any other electrical devices) it wasn't a complete disaster. In fact mostly the kids were brilliant. Sure they bickered and took almost everything to the limit, but they are kids and I wouldn't have them being those seen and not heard kinda kids ...(well not all the time, once in a while might be quite nice I guess;) So they played imaginary games, ate, drew and made thing, ate, ran, ate, a few times they rugged up and braved the weather with bags to collect treasures and ate some more.

The men spent time building fires, reading motorbike mags, drinking cider, and occasionally doing little errands as the rain eased for 20 mins or so. We women spent a fair amount of time making food for the kids, drinking red wine, chatting and generally pottering around in a mumsy kind of way whilst slightly ignoring everyone but each other trying (successfully) to complete the many conversations we have started over the last few months but didn't ever find our way to finishing them.

In the end the rain didn't really hinder our time away much at all. And so as we drive home I'm grateful for good friendd, the kind of people who never seem to encroach on your personal space and you can always think of something to laugh about with. Cool kids, who the older they get the prouder I am of their resilience, ability to take challenging situations on the chin, and to be be kind and generous of spirit amongst it all. And especially for having the kind of lifestyle where we get to go away for these mini breaks at all. They always refresh my mind a little, help the tension in my shoulder relax a little, and bring us all to a more centered place as a family.

Long Weekends and Mini Breaks.

2011-10-01T11:18:00.001+10:00

It's the October long weekend! This usually means we pack our bags, grab our camping equipment and head off to Global Carnival for days and nights of music, swimming and generally getting our feral vibe on.

But not this year, the timing was off, no one else from the usual crew was going, ABs work is busy and the whole front reno thing means that this year is not a good year for 10 days off. Instead we are headed north to a friends holiday house for a mini break.

It's a real bush hideaway. Mud bricks, tank water, massive wooden beams, creeks and wildlife galore.

I'm completely jazzed to be getting away for a while I think we are all in need of a change of space and speed and a few days chilling with some good friends and their kids will be perfect for that.

I'm also, as always when heading to a newish space with the family and joining up with another family, slightly apprehensive as to how the whole thing is going to pan out (especially seeing the amount of rain we are meant to be experiencing the whole weekend).

There's no mobile phone coverage which is brilliant as it will give AB the space he deserves to let his hair down, which is his line of work (and with his clients) is often extremely hard.

So we will be off the grid for a few days. Let's hope the sun breaks through occasionally, that the weather is mild, that all the kids run and explore without much input from us so we can sit and soak up the serenity!

Oh and seeing it's the October long weekend let's hope for manageable traffic and no accidents on the road as well (it's going to be a loooong drive otherwise)

Watching - didn't end up getting round to watching Thor.
Reading - been downloading a fair few comics trying to see what I like and what doesn't inspire me. It's a whole process :)
Listening - kids prattling on in the back seat until they fell asleep and now are lightly snoring.
State of mind - ahhhhh ....... (squeak, just don't rain too much)

Hamish Takes Flight

2011-09-29T15:10:00.001+10:00

Today's outing to the pool proved fruitful as I watched Hamish's tentative nature around deep water slowly relax. As he watched Jack jump and swim and splash I think he noted that it seemed a lot more fun than hanging around the edge holding on to it (or me).

I can see why he is tentative about it. He seem to get an extraordinary amount of water up his nose, but as he plays he is figuring that out as well.

So within 2 hours we went from monkey grip on the edge to running and jumping in!! (to be honest the amount of water that pours out of his nose made me wonder why he goes back for more? But I admire his bravery and tenacity in the face of this adversity).

I'm bored now! I want to go home, get dry and put my feet up. But it's hard to pull them away from such fun ... actually normally for me it's not ... I must be growing :). Thank god the coffee shop here makes great coffee, I thought to bring my iPhone and it's only a two minute drive home!

The End is Nigh

2011-09-29T11:39:00.000+10:00

I've talked about my fascination with Neil Gaiman a few times before. The fact that I have loved one of his books since I was 22 but had not explored the rest of his work until a few years ago and how unlike most of his fans his comic series Sandman (what bought him to fame in the first place) was actually the last thing of his I read.

There are 10 volumes in the Sandman library. And as a way of making them last I have gone slowly on ordering them. You see they are the last new (to me) Gaimans there are to read until he publishes something new. And we all know how long some authors can go between books.

This week thanks to the Book Depository (and me ordering them) I have received the last three in the series. My instant reaction was 'OMG! I'm going to be reading comics all day, perfect'. I opened the first one and with a sudden overwhelming fear I close it again.

The truth is, I'm desperate to read them! I've finally got the rest of these comics that I have been coveting for almost two years, slowly devouring them, making my 'cake' last. But once I've finished my cake, there is no more cake! And I know I'm going to want more cake!

Now if this is the biggest issue I have all day, I'm a very lucky woman, I know this. But still ....

So for now I will just look at them longingly for a while, I may clean the house while looking at them and do the multitude of other little things that I need to do while looking at them. Knowing all the while that at some point in the not to distant future, I may have to make do with another flavor of cake for a long while to come.

Watching - I've just grabbed a copy of Thor and am hoping to watch it tonight. By the way the Bill Paxton schlock movie was truly and wonderfully terrible.
Reading - nothing, did you read the above post? ;)
Listening - To the rain engulfing my worksite.
State of mind - Scratchy, a mixture of bad weather and kids stuck inside tends to do that to me.

The Sun Will Come Out

2011-09-28T22:24:00.000+10:00

When we started fixing up the front of the house I realized that I needed to think of it in four stages, the apex, the balcony, the porch and the garden. The reason for this is that each area had very separate things that needed to be done at very different times. The apex was the first part that needed to be complete because we wouldn't be able to start on the balcony's tin roof until it was done.

As of yesterday stage one of four is complete!!

It looks like such a small part of the whole thing, but realistically as it was the least cared for section it needed the most detailed work. We had to set up a boardwalk about as wide as my feet so we could reach to take down the barge boards, fix the pitching plate to the wall and drill out the bricks to support the frame for the balcony's tin roof and add new barge boards and a finial. Then it was time to start prepping the wall surface (this included scrapping off old paint, filling almost all of the spaces between the bricks, paint a sticky coat, two texture coats and two colour coats).

Like I said it looks like such a small part of the whole, but all up I've been up on that board hanging almost three stories in the air, for over four days.

The colour looks great, we ended up choosing Dulux Domino for the walls and Dulux Hogs Bristle 1/8 strength for the woodwork. It's definitely going to be an acquired taste for some people, but once it's all put together and the planting, wooden floors and tessellated tiles softens the overall look, I'm sure they will come around (and if they dont well hey! it's our house :)

Anyway, seeing the weather is going to be revolting for the rest of the week, and we are headed away for the long weekend, work has come to a standstill until next week. To be honest it's a welcome break, it should give my hands a chance to heal and my body a chance to relax. I am eagerly anticipating the finish though and think after our mini break I'll be keen to get my hands dirty again as we start seeing some of the final touches come together. For now I'll just look at the top 1/3 of the house and grin.

Reading - I finally got my RSS feeds organized on my iPad so I'm catching up on my blog reading.
Watching - Right now, a very terrible thriller movie that I can't stop watching because of my obsession with Bill Paxtons d-grade movies.
Listening - To Jack and his friend singing hip-hop songs while making things out of clay.
State of Mind - Relaxed but could do with being even more so :)

Sign of the Times

2011-09-28T15:35:00.000+10:00

Tonight after watching an ad for the iPhone on the TV, Jack asked me if I liked my phone. I said that I did and then wondered out loud what mobile phones would look like when he was old enough for one.

He looked at me puzzled, and then asked me what I meant, what did mobile phones look like when I first got one?

I mentioned that when I first had a mobile they were bigger and all they did was make phone calls. He looked perplexed and said 'no games?' nup, all it did was make phone calls, you couldn't even send text messages. He looked confused as if the idea was unthinkable.

It's an interesting thought. My kids will think it's normal that almost everyone has a mobile phone, and that they do a multitude of things beyond phone calls. They will never think of a computer as one per family. In fact I wonder if they will even recall that not everyone has a gaming device of some sort, or a multitude of online electricals, or the ability to skype when people are away, and all of the technologies that still seem quiet miraculous to me.

It's a different world for them, as it was a different world for me compared to my parents. And I guess one day they will be having the same thoughts as they watch their kids.

Today Haul 7

2011-09-27T19:02:00.001+10:00

The last few weeks have been hectic and the time that I have spent one on one with the boys has been limited. Today was the first day of the school holidays where Jack and I got to have a real mummy and Jack day.

In true 'my son' style he opted to spend the day browsing a few secondhand shops and having a coffee/smoothie together. We went to three of our favorite op shops and had an impressive score.

- A hat for Jack (pictured) I'm so into his style at the moment.
- An army style hat for Hamish.
- A business shirt for AB (as new).
- A pretty glittery skirt and a completely unrelated glittery cardie for me.
- A small 1.5 x 1 meter flokati rug in white for our bedroom (as new).
- Another pair of roller shoes.
- 6 early reader type books for Hamish.
- A pair of red ballet slipper type shoes for me.
- 2 clasp shut glass jars for the kitchen.
- 2 small toys.
- A pair of swimmers for Jack.
- A small (and completely unneeded but funky) leather purse.

All for just over $40. Once again I'm enthralled by how much cool and (generally) needed stuff can be found without spending much money at all. I mean the shirt I bought AB is an expensive brand and if I had bought it brand new it would have been at least $60-80.

Watching - paint dry.
Listening - to Jacks hilarious views on the world.
Reading - well it would be Sandman #8 if it had arrived but in the hilariously frustrating Book Depository way I received #9 first.
State of mind - completely relaxed, paintwork (check), fun times with J (check), weekend away organized (check), everything else ... always gets done somehow (usually by me in those little moments where I'm not doing everything else)

Just For You

2011-09-25T11:35:00.001+10:00

Once in a while you come across something while you are browsing the second hand shops that you know is just for you. A few weeks ago I came across one such purchase. I'm sure loads of people would have walked passed a 1.2 meter high inflatable TARDIS and not looked twice. But in our household this is manna from heaven. And at the outrageous sum of $4 it was well and truly the find of the year ... If not the century!

Watching - Old school Doctor Who, the Tom Baker years. I'm loving rewatching these episodes from my childhood and loving even more how much my kids are loving them as well.

Listening - The rain falling on our tarp covered floorboards and hoping they survive the weather.

Reading - Scott Pilgrim

State of mind - About as tired as I have ever been, not enjoying the rain except for the fact it's giving me a reason not to be prepping the walls getting ready to paint.

How's The View?

2011-09-15T20:16:00.000+10:00

I have never sat on the second floor balcony of our house. It wasn't safe ... actually worse, it felt safe and if you didn't look closely it looked safe-ish but realistically it was barely holding on to the house.

Today after two hard days work we (Ant, my FIL and I) got the beams and support structure done and this afternoon Ant and I enjoyed a cider sitting atop my brand new balcony.

The project is still a long way from being finished. There's the posts to erect, the roof, the proper flooring, painting and a hundred other little bits to do. Not to mention the brick fence, the path being tiled and then the landscaping.

But for tonight I'm going to stand at my upstairs bedroom window and imagine.

Reading - ...
Listening - Kimbra, in preparation for her show tomorrow !!!
Watching - ...
State of Mind - Excited and exhausted

The Whole (Front Yard) Story

2011-09-11T21:03:00.000+10:00

This is our front yard when we bought the house.

Quiet quickly after we moved in we took down the blinds and added a few bits and piece. Seeing that our street is quiet communal it became a place to sit and share a cuppa, or watch the kids play.

After a few years the front and side fence started to fall down so we pulled it down. The top deck had always been unstable, we have never used it to sit on but I did used to go out and hang our blankets or rugs on it to air them. A few years ago it seriously started to deteriorate and even going on it to hang the blankets out started to feel like playing russian roulette.

So a few months ago we started thinking about renovating the front. I soon realised that this was a lot more work than just pulling down the deck and putting up a new one. The lower level (the porch) needed to be lifted to create a strong enough footing for the upper level.

So began our project. We needed to completely pull our front yard apart and start again.

First thing to go were our ancient hibiscus and rosemary bushes and a massive fern. We tried to replant both the rosemary and fern but neither survived. At the same time we also propped up the deck as we had checked it more thoroughly and realised it was almost falling off the house.

After weeks of talking and planning a start date was agreed upon with Ant our friend and leader (forman) of our project. The first thing to do was that I needed to try and salvage as many of our tessellated tiles as possible. The truth is that AB has never loved our tiles and I always have, so trying to both salvage them and then think of what to do with them was days worth of talking. We decided that if I could lift enough of them then we would use them to make the path leading up to our new porch. It took me three full days of slowly chipping and violently hammering to save, what I estimate as, 75% of the tiles. Thankfully that should be enough to recreate the same pattern. (more on that later as the tiler actually starts laying them)

Then the big stuff started, on Monday (while I was busy supporting a couple birthing their first child) AB and Ant pulled down the deck. By the time I got home it was gone and they were starting to lift the concrete.

For the rest of Monday, all of Tuesday and Wednesday, the three of us dug holes and bucketed the dirt not only for the piers to support the deck, but also for the supports for a brick fence to surround the yard, to create enough space between the lower porch and the earth and make a place for our new (and moved) path. It was hard, every part of my and ABs bodies were aching as we both worked physically for longer than we had done in many years. All up we have taken 10 cubic meters (3 skips) of rubble dirt and balcony out of our front yard.

Finally all the holes were dug, the formwork was put in to hold the concrete in the right place and steal work was added to all of the holes to give the concrete enough strength. The council guy can out to make sure we were up to code and gave us the go ahead to pour the concrete on Friday.

Then on Friday it rained.

Saturday we woke up and bucketed water out of the deepest holes and thankfully the sun was shining so we could finally poured the concrete. Its all starting to come together. I can now see the spaces better and I can't help but wonder and be excited at the idea of what the front of our house will look like by the end of the coming week. You see last week was all about pulling the front yard apart but this week we start doing the woodwork, painting the facade (the colour swatches on the wall are some of the colours we are thinking of as the house colour, off set with white detailing and a red front door), all in all we are starting to put the front back together.

Once the porch and the deck are complete, we get a bricklayer in to do the fence and then the tiler to do the path, and do the landscaping, then TADA ... it's finished (hopefully). AB has promised me a daybed to sit on the porch so I can relax comfortably and take in all of our hard work. I can wait!!

PS. I have no idea where we will put our street loved lions but still hope to find a (less obvious) place for them in the front yard somewhere.

Watching - Torchwood, Miracle Day finale
Reading - Scott Pilgrim
Listening - Whatever is on my favourites at the moment ... music makes the work go faster :)
State of mind - Honestly I'm exhausted (not helped by going out both Friday and Saturday nights)

On and On and On ...

2011-09-08T21:32:00.001+10:00

There is really nothing new to report today. I dug out and bucketed more dirt, I scraped, cut and battered my poor hands a little more, we added cages to our holes to reinforce the concrete we are pouring tomorrow (if you pray please do it for no rain for the next 48 hours), we knocked up boards to hold in the concrete for the paths mini slab and I dug and bucketed some more.

I'm sore, tired and my house is full of dirt. In fact seeing that I have been doing building stuff, the whole house/kids stuff is getting left behind.

Funny thing is, I'm kind of digging it (if you'll excuse the pun). Working with my hands, bantering with the workmen (AB and his mate Ant), learning carpentry words like arris, cupping and rebar, thinking about details and learning the many sorts of details that go into what is a relatively small job. And on and on and on. In fact for all the cuts, scratches, pulled muscles and so on, I'm actually enjoying myself ... Well I'm enjoying it once it's over for the day, during the digging and bucketing I'm not enjoying it that much :) Saying that I'm very glad tomorrow is Friday.

One thing I've been thinking is maybe we all need this once in a while. It's not a holiday but it is a change from the norm, it's a working holiday at home. It's also trying something new that will give me something at the end I can enjoy. So whether it's picking up a paint brush, opening your sewing machine, anything that is something you have never done before, why don't you have a working home holiday this weekend.

Listening - Kimbra 'Vows'
Watching - Old school Doctor Who (Tom Baker)
Reading - Fables
State of Mind - ... No time to think I'm to busy digging

Excavation!

2011-09-07T20:11:00.000+10:00

Monday - support a couple having a baby. Get home at lunch, start bucketing dirt (aprox one cubic meter)

Tuesday - spend all day bucketing dirt into a skip (aprox three cubic meters)

Wednesday - spend most of the day bucketing dirt (aprox three cubic meters). Do data entry during breaks for my actual work.

Feeling tired (tick), feeling like we've accomplished a lot (tick), feeling like blogging is beyond me (tick), feeling overjoyed that today was my last day of bucketing dirt (hellyeah tick)

Listening - ...
Reading - ...
Watching - ...
State of mind - ... phew ...

See Ya Later Alligator

2011-09-06T20:59:00.000+10:00

It's quiet here in blog land at the moment. Normally I have no excuses but this week I most certainly do. We are starting the renovations on the front of our house. I want to do lots of posts on the whole process but not tonight. I'm exhausted after bucketing somewhere near three cubic meters of dirt and rock and concrete. My fingers are barely working well enough to type even this much. So for now photo proof of the work so far (missing the huge holes we dug in the yard today). Tomorrow we continue digging about another two cubic meters. So I'm guessing no blog posting tomorrow either. Any free time will be spend trying to heal my blisters and soak my oh so aching back.

Watching - the level of soil go down in the yard and up in the skip.

Listening - whatever pops up on random from my iPod. The music does soothe the soul but does little for my aching back.

Reading - absolutely nothing.

State of mind - excited to be started, scared of the work to come.

Men V Women (Or AB V Me)

2011-09-01T21:21:00.000+10:00

Me: Did Ned Kelly have family?
AB: Probably.
Me: I've never heard of him having kids, I mean he died young.
AB: He was hung?
Me: What do you mean by that? What's penis size got to do with it?

Ok, not my finest moment and a reminder for me that two glasses of champagne really takes me to the gutter. But I stand by my further discussion with AB that his comment was slightly out of the box as we were talking about children etc, not how he died!!

Something You Love

2011-09-01T20:46:00.000+10:00

I've said it before, life is hard. It's harder by far than I ever thought it would be. On the upside it is also much more beautiful than I ever thought it would be, but sometimes it's hard to remember this.
The monotony and struggle of life sometimes seems to overwhelm our ability to see the beauty. And more often than not we don't spend enough time doing things we love to remind us.
So this is a shout out to 'DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE THIS WEEK'.
See a friend
Read a book ... in the bath, with wine
Play, sing, swim, dance
Climb a tree
Kiss someone you love
Make love to someone you love
Only share your precious time and devotion with people who love you the way you deserve (not the way you think you deserve)
This week I have heard of three marriages on the rocks, a friendship of over 15 years coming to an end, no sleep, financial stress, and on and on it goes.
We all worry about money, our parenting, our relationships, and the direction of our lives. These things sit on our shoulders like weights. So again 'DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE'.
It will change none of the above stressors. But it might (probably) change the way you feel about everything else. Truth be told that the more you do things that bring you joy the easier all the hard stuff seems.
Get a manicure
Spend hours cleaning you motorbike
Sit .... Sit .... Sit
Buy a plane ticket, a perfectly made coffee, a new lipstick
Move house
Paint a room, a piece of paper, a T-shirt.
Last week Jack saw these boots. His love for them was invigorating. And it was obvious that once they were on his feet something about these boots made his heart sing. We all deserve to feel that way once in a while.
So do something, anything that makes you remember who you are beyond work, school, children, finances and partners. Do something that makes your heart sing!!
Watching - My new dodgy obsession is a discovery doco about hoarders.
Reading - Maus
Listening - the Herds new album 'future shade' seriously get it ($9.99 on the elefant traks website) listen to the song Shihaba and shed a tear as it's based (strongly) on a real story.
State of mind - making plans to get out of this rut life's in!!

89 Years Young

2011-08-22T19:36:00.000+10:00

Today we had a funeral for Andrews Grandpa. As funerals go it was lovely simple and honest, just like he was.

I didn't really know my grandparents. My mothers father died when I was nine, and her mother died before I was born. My fathers parents were in the UK and so I knew them simply through a visit or two and birthday cards.

My ideas of grandparents were gained through watching other people's grannies or by watching the few old people that knew growing up.

Mick Harrold was the first real grandparent I got to know close up. He was exactly what you would want a grandpa to be. He was kind and sometimes moody, he was honest and loving to everyone, especially me, he was funny when called for but mostly he sat quietly drinking his tea and watching the commotion around him.

He was spritely until only recently, and died suddenly but coincidently (or if your spiritual at all, not so coincidently) holding his wife of 63 years hand.

It was a good death, moments before it he asked for orange juice and had been talking to one of his sons and his wife. And then he slipped quickly and quietly within a breath.

We should all hope for such a death.
No pain, just old, still with most of our faculties (although they were just starting to fade) holding someone who had loved us for the vast majority of our lives hand.

Today I stood and looked at his body and he looked as peaceful as I have ever seen someone who has died. I told him that, I had never told him in life that I loved him but I believed he knew it and I knew that he loved me too. I could feel it as he jumped up to give me tight cuddles and stubbly kisses, in the way he told me stories about his his life, marriage, religious beliefs (he had none, but lived a life that any god would be proud of), and in the way when everyone else was fussing he would give me a quick glance and a cheeky smile as if to say 'I know you think this is as silly as I do'.

Goodbye Grandpa Mick, thank you got being my grandpa too.

Party Finale!

2011-08-13T22:46:00.000+10:00

As usual with the whole birthday party thing I took very few photos as I was to busy talking and refilling drinks.

After most of the kids had already left I remembered the helium balloons AB had bought for kids to take home, and so we had a house filled with 25 beautiful balloons. So instead the stragglers and I wrote wishes on them and sent them into the sky.

Mostly the wishes were for puppies, blocks, kittens or dinosaurs but the idea was still sweet and the excitement as they watched them float away was priceless.

All birthday parties for this year are complete (yay). Now it's time for the mammoth clean up and to sit down and relax.

Party Planning (2)

2011-08-12T20:06:00.000+10:00

Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake ..... That is all.

Party Planning (1)

2011-08-11T20:13:00.000+10:00

It's Thursday, and Hamishs birthday party is Saturday arvo ... Let the freaking out begin. The undeniable truth is for this party I am trying to match the effort and planning that I gave Jacks fifth birthday party

I rarely do this, try and keep up with one or the other as far as effort. But for some reason this fifth birthday has hit my buttons. I think it has to do with starting school and developing relationships, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, time allowing there are two more days for me to freak out and blog about my freaking out and pontificate about why I'm freaking out. For now I just want to show off my amp piñata that goes with the electric guitar cake I am going to attempt tomorrow.

I have a feeling the cake might be an epic fail, but right now I want to bask in the glow of the best ever home made amp (in my humble opinion).

It's one of those pull the cord piñatas not the whack with stick sort (I've seen to many funniest home videos of people getting nutted by an over sugared kid suffering sugar come down and given a stick with the promise of the next high go be fooled).

So piñata (tick), cake decoration planning (tick), house spring cleaned (tick), everything else .... Hmmm maybe if I'm lucky it will be done before midday Saturday. If not hopefully everyone will be so enamored by my amp that they won't notice.

A Toast

2011-08-10T19:14:00.000+10:00

Tonight I am feeling inspired to toast my gorgeous women friends. I am so very lucky to have many amazing, funny, loving, mad, and completely divine women in my day to day life.
In the 'old day's I wasn't much into women friends. I had a few but generally I had a lot more male friends than female. I found male friends easier, more laid-back and generally more on my wave length. Women on the other hand seemed complicated, more high need and I didn't ever feel that I really met those needs adequately enough. I didn't cope with the competitive nature of a lot of female/female relationships. And I guess I thought that that was just part of most relationships with women.
How wrong I was. And how right as well. The truth is that there is a lot of competition in female friendships. But this is where I'm lucky. I have been lucky enough to make friends with quite a few women in the last few years that are some of the most equal, balanced and healthy relationships of my life.
Last week I called a friend in a complete tizz late at night and she talked me down. I had other friends who rallied around me and loved me through some hard times. I had a neighbor who even after only knowing her a few years seems to completely get me and both doesn't mind when I rock up on her doorstep in need of a venting space and knows she can (and does) rock up on mine for the same reason.
These days I almost always have someone I can call, or cuddle, or rant at whenever I need. And they do the same with me. And that's just all the hard stuff. The same women also dance, sing, laugh and be silly with me. They remind me what it is to be young, and joyful and light. And my world feels safer and warmer with them in it.
So cheers, my wonderful friends I hope you see in my eyes and/or hear in my voice every time we connect just how much I adore you.
And if your reading this and wondering 'is she talking about me?' the answer is yes :) xx
Watching - finally watched the BSG finale and feeling slightly devastated.
Listening - Kimbra, Ray Charles and Sneaker Pimps
Reading - Still working my way through Fables' and surprisingly not loving it, but it's keeping me interested enough to keep reading.
State of mind - Slightly overwhelmed at the idea of Hamish's party on the weekend. But so grateful ...

New Musical Obessions - Kimbra

2011-08-08T17:15:00.001+10:00

A friend sent me the new Goyte release 'Someone I Used To Know' Featuring Kimbra recently. I love Goyte (and am having a love affair with this song) but had not heard of Kimbra. And then another friend mentioned her a few days later, after a bit of perusing the internet I think I have found my new musical obsession. I can't wait to hear her album which is coming out in a month or so. What a voice, what a presence .... ohhhh.

Happy 5th Birthday Hamish

2011-08-06T17:35:00.001+10:00

Five years, it sounds like a long time but as I have watched my littlest grow it feels so fleeting. Five is how old he will be when he starts school, as he starts to move away from me and grow into the even more independent little person he will be.
It's been such a joyous, mad, rough, love filled five years and everyday he does something that makes me stop and want to pull him to me and tell him what an amazing unique and loved little boy he is .... And I do.
So much and so little has happened so far in his life and I can't wait to watch him as he grows and find himself and see what other adventures he takes me on.
I also can't believe it's been 5 years since I was pregnant and almost 2 years since I breastfed. It all feels like yesterday.
Happy birthday my littlest, most exuberant, tenacious and loving boy. You, who completed our family and helped me become a woman. You are so very loved.
Watching - Hamish open presents
Listening - To the clatter of the toys Hamish got for his birthday.
Reading - whatever Hamish wants it is his birthday after all.
State of mind - Reflective, proud and quite a bit older (seriously .... My baby is 5 !!)

Picture Me Here

2011-07-30T20:01:00.001+10:00

After a few shocking weeks AB and I decided last minute to pike on all weekend plans and spend the weekend at our friends holiday house.
After a morning of doing odd-jobs (it's like a perfect barter system, we do a few jobs and then get the use of a house by the water) I've just sat down on the new banana lounge by the pool while the kids play on the beach with the dogs.
Ahh the serenity. Now to open up my book, soak up some rays and in a moment or two I may pour myself a glass of crisp white wine. Hopefully the kids and dogs keep each other occupied for a few more hours.
Watching - Right now, the sun glistening on the water. Generally, still working my way through Battlestar Galactica.
Reading - Fables
Listening - I'm loving a song a friend sent me by Goyte called 'Someone I Used to Know'.
State of mind - Feeling the balance returning.

I Believe in Magic

2011-07-25T22:13:00.000+10:00

The older I get the harder it is to believe in magic. Its quite a sad state of affairs really, because sometimes I think the older you get the more you need to believe in the things you can't see.

We watched this street performer on the weekend and as I watched the amazement in my kids eyes, I saw a feeling I sometimes sorely miss. I was also wondering, how do I be honest and open with my kids and yet let them believe in magic for as long as possible?

I know I'm not alone, in both aspects. I can think of half a dozen people I know that either still believe or wish they believed in magic. And over a dozen parent that ask the same question, how do I manage to prosper my kids belief in all things magical and unexplained.

I don't just mean magic in it's traditional sense. I also mean things like aliens, vampires, Santa, and the Easter bunny?

Last week I was tidying the space under our stairs (also known as mummy's hidyhole) Jack came in to help and saw some of the leftover Easter eggs that I decided not to put out as 'from the Easter bunny'. He looked at them and said "mum did you put the eggs out for our egg hunt at Easter?".

Now part of me didn't want to lie, but more than that I didn't want to tell the truth so I made up some quick story about them being left over from eggs we gave to other people ... Or something like that.

Then later on in the week Jack lost his second tooth. And as another great parenting trial I fell asleep before slipping the tooth from under his pillow and replacing it with a $1 coin. The next morning Jack came in slightly confused. In my ever quick thinking and slightly disturbed by how easily the little lies come kinda way, I made up some story about how sometimes that happens as the tooth fairy gets really busy some nights.

It's coming isn't it? The time where little mistakes or noticed slights of hand can make their entire childhood wonder and innocence just slip away.

I for one hope it lasts for a good while yet. I'm not ready to watch the wonder and amazement slowly slip from their eyes. I hope I can find words like my parents found that prolongs it for as long as possible.

And if not at least I'm quick thinking enough to come up with a plausible story.

Watching - Battlestar Galactica (remake series) somehow I don't think I ever watched the last three episodes!!

Reading - a lot of comics, Fray (reread), Buffy series 8, and Fables so far.

Listening - having a bit of a James Blake obsession at the moment. It sort of matches my mood, sombre and romantic.

State of mind - getting there, slowly.

The Gifts of Grief

2011-07-20T11:07:00.000+10:00

When mum died I received a letter from a friend who had lost his dad a year earlier. He talked about the process he went though in his grief. Searching for the reasons why, anger at the unfairness of it all, the deep hole of sadness and many other emotions. He then went on to say that a year later he could see that within his grief there were gifts. And that he believed within every persons grief, once it has passed enough that you can see again, there are gifts that give your grief meaning. At first I thought he was mad! I mean how could any good come from the way I was feeling at the time.

But then time passed, everyday I breathed in and out, and walked forward step by step, and the weight of the grief started to get lighter.

One day about a year later I found that letter again and I found that if I looked at the last year I could start to see the gifts that my grief had given me.

Every year I check in with myself and every year I can see what he was talking about. There were things and experiences in my life that mums death and other losses have given me. I have grown in directions that I would never have grown, and made decisions that I may have made differently.

These days if you ask me do I want mum back, I would say yes, but not at the expense of these lesson, experience, personal development and choices I have made because of who I became after mum died.

A beautiful friend and doula client had a baby that was stillborn last week. There are few, if no, comparisons that can be made between loosing a child and loosing a mother. But I have been wondering, is the gifts of grief are one of the few places these losses intertwine?

I hope so. I hope that as this family climb ever so slowly out of the black hole of grief, and breathe in and out, and put one foot in front of the other, they will start to see the light again. I hope that one day, albeit a long time away, they may see that their suffering and grief and the time they had with their babe, too short as it was, brings with it gifts that one day balance out some of the hole loosing their little boy has left in their hearts.

Can't Hate Love Stupid

2011-07-11T19:34:00.000+10:00

If you look at the media today there is a lot more swearing. It seems that every second show/song has some sort of swear word in it. This generally seems to bother a lot of parents and I can understand why ... And yet swear words are also just words.

When Jack was 3 he was told off by me for doing something or other. He obviously felt the punishment (go inside for a while) was unjust and as he stormed inside he threw his hands in the air and yelled "I'm so fucking frustrated".

I didn't get angry or worried, if anything I was impressed that my three year old could express himself so succinctly (albeit inappropriately). But it made me realize, I swear sometimes and yes sometimes it is in front of the kids.

Later once he had calmed down we had out first conversation about inappropriate language. It's a conversation that has come up now a few times with both children. But the truth is, it is rarely about words that seem to be judged as 'swear' words.

As a parent these days it seems that more and more words are considered 'bad' and truth be told I have less issue with the 'swear' words than a lot of the others. And it seems I am not alone.

One family I know doesn't allow the word 'can't' in their house as they feel the truth is you CAN do anything it's the effort that is often lacking.

In another family the word love is used sparingly, only meant for their immediate family as they feel that it is too often used these days and is watering down the meaning.

Then there are the new swear words, stupid, idiot, moron, hate, shut-up and the ever present and yet totally unexceptable (in our house) bored!!

Truth be told I would rather hear my kids say 'fuck' than say I'm bored, or I hate or call someone stupid. And more and more I don't think I'm alone. Don't get me wrong, my kids don't swear. It's interesting to me that in spite of hearing it in the media or at home somehow they both know that there are ok words and words that aren't.

In fact Jack said I word the other day (wish I could remember what it was, but it was something like damn) and afterward he looked at me thoughtfully and said "mum, is that a bad word? Cause if it was I didn't know". And so we talked about what the word meant and why it's not really one of the words that kids should say, and how maybe we shouldn't use any word it we don't exactly know what it means.

And that was it, we haven't heard a stupid, shit, shut-up or bloody hell out of either of our kids in many months.

And if you ask me if I think they are using these words when they are not around an adult I'd also say no. They seem to have understood the concept well enough that it is ingrained, but the truth is I don't know for sure.

And sure once in a while we will all be singing a song and suddenly I'll realize that the next word is a swear word, but I don't rush to change the channel, but I may well try and mumble my way through it. :)

What are your thoughts on swearing? Do you do it? Do your children? What's on your 'bad' words list?

Watching - True Blood S3 (good to work to)
Reading - The City and The City, China Melville
Listening - after a cranky day last week 'The Wedding Singer' soundtrack
State of mind - relaxed (I love school holidays) tired (thanks to a late night on the weekend) busy (thanks to an extra bit of work that had to be done RIGHT NOW)

PS. The above photo is of the gig I went to on Saturday. It's 'The Herd' and totally appropriate to this post as it is some of their song that my kids like to sing, swear words and all!

Todays Haul (6) Holiday Edition

2011-07-11T17:06:00.000+10:00

Over then last two days the boys and I have browsed our favourite second hand stores for the first time in ages. We had a few exciting scores and spent a little more than expected (just under $60), but we have also filled a few gaps.

- 2 baskets, one for me in the kitchen, and one to hold the kids rubbers, sharpeners and other art paraphernalia.

- 4 Pairs of shoes. I picked up (actually regifted from a friend) a pair of leather bikerish boots. Jack found a pair of yeti-like slipper boots, some olive and pink converse hi-tops, and a pair of roller boots (you know the sort with wheels on the heel, brand new looking and reduced to $10). I managed to talk Hamish out of a pair of silver footy boots that were 4 sizes to big.

- A new hoodie for both boys who are growing out of their jumper stash fast.

- 1/2 a dozen kids books ranging from a massive how to draw book, to a book about movie monsters.

- An adult book or two, none of which are worth mentioning.

- A pretty tin, it was $2 and I have no idea what I'm going to do with it.

- A couple of crappy little toys that the boys fell in love with and at 50c each, kept the peace.

- A mid-length puffy jacket and groovy wool and buttons skirt for me. Both of which I plan to wear out tomorrow night. Possibly along with afore mentioned biker boots to top off my op shop looking outfit :)

I'm sure there were a few other pieces of random fluff, and once again I'm loving that feeling of a few days of browsing on a small budget and still coming home feeling like I've ticked some of the needs and wants boxes.

To Have and To Hold

2011-07-11T17:01:00.002+10:00

It's school holiday time!

This basically means I am dancing around and around thinking about all the extra one on one time I get to spend with the older child. And the time I don't have to spend making lunchboxes, getting cranky as I wait for them to get dressed, or leaving the house before 9am.

So what are the plans this school holidays? Well who knows. On the kids wish list there are play dates, bread baking, visiting Uncle Tool, sleep overs, peanut butter making, movie nights, and a whole lot of time together. Personally I plan a lot of kissing, snuggling, general reconnecting and some time spent just taking it easy.

Hopefully it will also see the end of this blogger blackout I seem to be in. But who knows, blogs as with life I have decided have an ebb and flow all of their own :)

Watching - Firefly, I'm still completely astounded that this show didn't make it. Damn you Fox!
Listening - AB and the kids wrestling.
Reading - Too sleepy to read but in the bath I'm reading 'The Chrysalides'. It's one of 1/2 a dozen books I tend to read yearly.
State of mind - Singing ...

Tight Rope Walking

2011-07-11T16:59:00.002+10:00

I'm cranky ...

There doesn't seem to be much to do about it but acknowledge it and wait for it to pass. But it strikes me as funny that these moods swings seem to overtake us all at times and yet there is very little we can do about it.

Sure I have reasons for being cranky, none of which are either blogworthy or blogappropriate but still, I don't want to be cranky!!

What are your 'tools' for getting over being cranky? I'm thinking a bath, another glass of wine, a good book, and maybe (if I can convince the huzby to go out) some chocolate.

One of the things that are going round my cranky brain is;

This is one of the most challenging times of life!

Now if anyone of the older generation is reading, please feel free NOT to correct me. But otherwise as far as I can see the challenges of;

- Raising and giving yourself to young children
- Earning enough money to both live now and set up the groundwork for the future
- Keeping relationships healthy during this period
- Keeping yourself healthy during this period

Seem like a lot of work and reasons to be cranky!

Truth be told, this is also the best and most beautiful time of life. When you think about it;

- Raising and giving yourself to young children
- Making and nurturing friendships
- Nurturing yourself as it changes dramatically with the above challenges
- Enjoying the freedom (at times) that the money you now earn let's you have.

Are all great and wonderful things. But in the end, I'm still cranky. I guess the truth is that anything worth having is worth working for and the cranky, hard times are worth it for all the good stuff that comes with it.

Hmm it might be time to hop in the bath and let the warm water wash away the cranky. And feel blessed that even on a cranky day, where I feel like I am walking a tight rope, I know in my heart of hearts this is the best time of life as well.

Watching - 1st new of of True Blood S4
Listening - The Grates
Reading - Rosemary's Baby (for the 2nd time)
State of Mind - Cranky ..... Very very cranky :)

Great things in my Week

2011-07-11T16:55:00.001+10:00

Oh hello blog! I sort of forgot about you for a moment.

Truth be told, I've been so busy that any thoughts beyond what to do in the
next moment have been few and far between. But a few bloggable things have
come up (none that are whole post worthy)

1. I have a bit of work at the moment via the huzbys company. It's mostly
computer bound in front of TV stuff, as long as I don't want to pay much
attention to the TV. I'm happy to be doing it, as it both gives me the
feeling of helping ABs business and the knowledge that I'm helping to bring
in some dosh.

2. Jack seems to be on a role as far as difficult discussions at the
moment. We have had talks about;
- circumcision
- death
- transvestites
- Hitler
- Mummy and daddy having sex to conceive him

3. Crazy massive girls night out ... Speaks for itself really.

4. One day, two boxes delivered, both had beautiful new shoes. Huzzah! The
first were replacement sheepskin boots so my feet are warm again. The second
were the above divine slippers, bought and sent to me from my darling BFF.
I'm in love!!

Hopefully I'm back in the land of the living for a while. But no promises :)

Watching - Game of Thrones.

Listening - Skipping Girl Vinegar (Melbourne Indie band) thinking about
buying their album.

Reading - Sandman Vol 7

State of mind - Soooo tired but satisfied.

Paper, Scissor, Rock

2011-06-14T20:12:00.000+10:00

Every relationship has it's tools that help the relationship run more smoothly.

In our house its paper, scissor, rock.

You may think of it as a child's game, but trust me, if we come to an impasse it is solved with relative ease because of it.

Can't decide who's turn it is to walk up to the shop for desert?
Kids can't come to an agreement as to what movie to watch, or what they want for dinner?
Can't pick a direction, or an event, or what form of entertainment to choose?

What simpler way to make simple (yet difficult) decisions in a way that everyone feels is fair. It seems to help solve many of those little issues that could well become bigger if we started arguing about it. And I love watching the boys use it as a way of bargaining and settling differences of opinion.

So I may say, "are you going up to buy chocolate?" and AB will answer "paper scissor rock" (or just put out his fist ready to start). No arguing, no reminding each other of who's turn it is, or why the other should have to go, just 1, 2, 3, GO! and the decision is made by fate, or the gods or whatever you believe.

There is but one rule, you can never dispute the outcome. If you are unwilling to uphold the paper, scissor, rock decision, then don't play!

What tools do you have?

And We Are Home.

2011-06-13T16:44:00.002+10:00

3.5 days away feels like ages before you leave and no where near long enough when you get home.
Ups -
1. I got to read uninterrupted for hours
2. The kids spent just as long searching the shale rocks on the edge of the river looking for fossils
3. Chatting the night away drinking red wine and laughing
4. Sitting in the sun, watching birds, the dogs and kids play. Getting bugs out of the pool, running with the dogs, and generally being out in open spaces
5. Watching the dog swimming laps in the pool not caring about the freezing weather
6. Watching AB make a fire with the boys every night and the kids be fixated by it
7. The general sense if peace and well being that watching your family (and friends) all be in their own happy place brings
Downs -
1. Kid weeing in his sleeping bag
2. Dog vomiting on his bed, twice
3. Me spending one night with gastro
4. The cold and rain (although this was made easier by the fire and the indoor spaciousness)
5. The dog whining incessantly about being in the car, wanting to swim, swimming, being cold, not being allowed to sleep in bed with us and any other manor of dog related injustices
Three and a bit days just didn't feel like enough. I may need to impose on out friends again soon. I am glad to be home, but I'm sure I would have been gladder had I had a few more days to rest, relax and feel free :)

Watching - the world pass me by

Listening - kids playing, dogs whining, people laughing and the tension in my back releasing.

Reading - Game of Thrones, 4000 ebook pages long. I may be reading it for a while.

State of mine - I had a wonderful time but a few extra day would have been great. There were a few bits and pieces I didn't get to finish ... My book for one.

Hit the Frog and Toad.

2011-06-10T15:19:00.002+10:00

We are heading out of Sydney for the Queens birthday long weekend. As always when getting ready to go away, I'm slightly apprehensive. How will the kids cope with the longish drive? or more accurately how will we cope with what the kids dish out on the drive? Will the dogs get car sick again? What will the weather be like? Will everyone 'gel' so that we actually get to relax and chill out?
We will have to wait and see. The car is packed to the rafters with a random assortment of clothes (from swimmer to thermal underwear), bedding, toys, books, art supplies, food, dogs beds and anything else I though we may need over the next few days. We 'could' have packed lighter but realistically it will be easier to relax if we have everything we need.
We are about 1/3 of the way through the drive, kids have eaten all their food, dogs have finally stopped whining in anticipation, we've stopped once for petrol and twice for someone needing the toilet.
So far it seems like my idea of the perfect family mini break. Wish us good weather, vibes and food!!
Xx

Watching - The road...

Listening - Kids quietly bickering.

Reading - Traffic signs.

State of mind - So glad to be getting out of Sydney for a few days.

Follow up on the Apocolypse

2011-06-05T21:43:00.000+10:00

Just in case you thought that I was the only one who thought about this whole apocalypse thing. Here is a link to an article '5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen'.

PS. Mostly this shows that I am not the only one who's brain goes off in these fanciful directions.

The Apocalypse Plan

2011-06-02T19:16:00.002+10:00

I've been on zombie kick recently. It was unintentional and sort of crept up on me. Before I knew it I was watching zombies on TV, reading zombie comics and falling asleep reading a zombie book. No need to mention that afterwards I felt a little tense. Every bump, scratch or creak was enough to give me the heebie jeebies.

And so I lay awake wondering, do you have an apocalypse plan?

A while ago I wrote a post on what end of the world movies have taught me. But thing that didn't come up is how do you make it through the first few days/weeks.

With fear of sounding like some conspiracy theorist (which I promise I am not) crazy stuff can happen. A few years ago I was sitting at home with my two young babies and there came a news report that there was a suspected terrorist plot to blow up something in Sydney. And I thought ... What if?

Now I wasn't about to run out and stock up on canned goods and bottled water. Or build a self sufficient bomb shelter. But it did make me think.

Then we had the whole swine flu / bird flu epidemic (I use that term loosely) and again I thought ... What if?

So I came up with my apocalypse plan. Just imagine, your at work, the kids are in school, hubby's on a bike trip in the mountains and KAPOW! bombs, tidal wave, meteors, zombies, deadly virus, aliens, if your even just a little into sci-fi you will be aware of how many ways the world as we know it could come to an end. So following is my apocalypse plan:

1. If we are not together it is important to have a meeting place pre-organised. Personally I have picked a place that is within an hours drive of home but far enough out of Sydney that we should be able to wait for a day or so for each other. If you are separated by a lot of distance it also gives you a place to leave a message to tell each other where your heading. Obviously the most important thing is to be to try and find each other and quickly! And know your exits! Every route possible to get you from point A to point B.

2. Make sure you have a vehicle that can make it over various terrains and has a lot of space. You'd think I'd pick ABs 4wd but after some thinking my car has almost as much internal space, is a light 4wd and uses less petrol.

3. Know what to pack. Medicine, canned goods and warm clothes come first. If it's a zombie or alien threat, then as many things that can be used as weapons as possible is high on the list as well. Sturdy shoes, blow up mattress and sleeping bags. Really you want to pack like your never coming back but also like your going to be camping for a REALLY long time. So also think of things like matches, a cooking pot, torches etc. Lucky for us we have a great camping setup so I'd just grab all that gear. I'm sentimental but things like photos and jewelry are completely unimportant. This is life and death :)

4. Water and extra petrol. We have a water jerrycan and a petrol jerrycan. Fill both and use sparingly. Make sure the water is drinkable and enough to last at least a week or two.

5. Know of all the places within a few days drive (at least) that are either self sufficient and/or enclosed. Which one you pick depends in the threat. Zombies! Gated community (heavily protected places would also do, think prisons, research facilities, army barracks) Plague! Self sufficient communities (think solar power, tank or bore water, good farming land)

After all of that, it's luck. Hopefully your preparation has put you in good stead. Good luck and enjoy the apocalypse!! :)

(p.s. People that know me will not be at all surprised that I have actually thought about this. People that don't ... Well now you know me better *grin* but don't worry I'm truly not a conspiracy theorist)

Watching - too many zombie movies.

Reading - too many zombie comics and books.

Listening - the national 'about today' has been played a lot over the last few days.

State of mind - to some of you, completely paranoid, to others perfectly prepared and to the rest nowhere near prepared enough.

You Only Live Once

2011-05-30T12:07:00.000+10:00

Twelve years ago today, I woke up to the news that my mum had died. She had a massive asthma attack in the early hours of the morning, she was 56. I feel devastated when I think of the fact that mum is no longer in my or my families life, I miss her desperately. But I also think that just focusing on my loss from her death is a waste of a huge life lesson.

56 ... It's not that far from 34.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being morbid or freaking out that I am going to die at a young age. More I'm taking note of how fleeting this life is and how important it is to remember that, as we live our own lives.

I have a tendency to put things off that are out of my comfort zone. Maybe most people do. Last week an awesome friend told me we were going out dancing on Saturday night. My first reaction was 'I don't think that's a good idea, I haven't been out dancing since I was in my early 20's, what would I wear?'.

Then I realised that the others going were also out of their comfort zone. One was worried about how she was going to get motivated to go out at 10pm. Another was worried she couldn't remember how to dance. And everyone had slight wardrobe worries.

So I put on my glad rags and thought to myself, what have you got to loose? (after ages staring at my wardrobe and playing with makeup ideas) And we had a wonderfully hilarious night that I will remember for a long time to come. It was full of laughter and dancing and general debauchery. Imagine crazy trance music, men on stage in blue and white tinsel mankini's dancing wildy to the music, finding new friends in everyone you met, scoffing down McDonalds at 3.30am and finally laying your head on the pillow at just past 4am.

You only live once!!! and if you keep putting off things that lay outside your comfort zone then are you really living at all?

Lost Loves

2011-05-26T22:36:00.002+10:00

Today I've been thinking about people I have loved.

I think I'm pretty lucky, I have and do love easily and frequently. Even more luckily I feel I have been loved equally in return. Sometimes these are huge all encompassing lifetime loves and sometimes they are as fleeting as a hummingbirds wings in flight.

I'm not talking boyfriends or lovers just people who have touched my heart.

It's one of the interesting/challenging things about social networking sites like Facebook. Sometimes one of these past loves that I haven't spoken to in years suddenly, without warning, pop up on my screen.

This week it's happened a few times. I have seen photos of their babies, of someone else's wedding and some were just of someones life. I feel like reconnecting but I know I won't. We didn't stop being in each others lives after some major incident. We grew apart or moved away, we changed or didn't or maybe we just had our time.

But tonight I'm feeling lucky when I think back at all of the love I've had. And so happy that I got to see a little snippet into their lives and seen that they are happy. I hope they know when they pop up on my screen that I smile to myself when I see them. And even more I hope they do the same when they see me.

Watching - Glee S2 finale.

It's been quiet on the listening and reading front with AB away.

State of mind - Reflective and a little soppy about it (so it's business as usual)

What are you Waiting For? V2.0

2011-05-24T12:42:00.001+10:00

This time last year I wrote a blog post about things that I wanted to do this year. I was both pleased and a little disappointed when I reviewed it. The list included;

* Buy Rollerskates - not done
* Go to India - done
* Fix up the house - a little done
* Join a gym - did it, didn't like it, wont be doing it again in a hurry
* Learn to cook lamb shanks - not done
* Clean the Kitchen - OMG I have done that so, so, so many times this year

So as you can see the majority of the things on the list have been done, but a few haven't. Why? It wasn't such a big list. The things that I haven't done are completely achievable. And although I can come up with some excuses the truth is I obviously lacked the motivation.

So today I'm going to come up with a new list of things that I would like to do. Some of these are a bit crazier so I'm not committing to all of them this year but I'm going to add them and maybe I'll find the motivation to complete most of them.

* Buy Rollerskates - come on surely I can do this within two years.

* Learn to Cook Lamb Shanks - It's just that I really love lamb shanks and would love to add them to our winter menu.

* Do Glass Blowing - Yeah this is one of the more crazy ones but it's something I have always wanted to do and I've started wondering if there were local classes to teach me.

* Learn to play the Cello - Realistically I should probably take some more guitar lessons so that I have at least mastered one instrument. But there is something so damn sexy about the Cello ... it's calling to me. Saying that if I reread this in a year and have actually picked up my guitar and got my head back around it again, I'll be happy.

* Paint the lounge room - And finally figure out the colours and style I'd like the room to have.

* Build a new front of the house and/or back shed - This is one that might actually get done sooner rather than later. Once I finally knuckle out the details to the point that others can get started, but lord there are a lot of details to sort out!

Some of these, like the front of the house are more things that have to be done, but the whole point of this idea is so that I stop thinking of these things as 'one day' and actually work towards doing some/most/all of them.

What are you going to do this year?

Watching - Predators for the second time. Love Adrian Brody but this film left me underwhelmed ... twice.

Listening - Very little, but did have another Lykke Li marathon while I was in the shower last night.

Reading - Catching up on blogs and still reading Zombies V Unicorns, I'm only managing to stay awake to read 3-4 pages then waking up as I drop the book and it whacks me on the nose.

State of Mind - Tired, the kids are waking up early and this morning I lost my cool about it and the screaming they were doing at 5.30am. Basically I'm spending the rest of the day nurturing myself a little so that I don't flip out and scream at them again 'sigh' this whole parenting thing has some pretty major ups and downs.

Small Things - Great Hair Days

2011-05-23T15:43:00.000+10:00

After having the pox my hair was awful. A mixture of the anti itch stuff I had slathered on my scalp and hair loss from scratching and the actual pox, meant that my hair felt lank and completely unflattering.

Not long afterwards but just long enough that my pox had healed, I dyed my hair in an attempt to freshen it up. But unlike normal after I've dyed it my hair still felt awful. So then I asked my gorgeous friend to give it a freshen up haircut. That mixed with my new wonder product 'Argan oil' (Moroccan oil) and finally my hair is back to it's usual fairly lustrous state.

Firstly I just can't thank my gorgeous friend for the awesome cuts she does. And secondly I can't thank gorgeous friend #2 for putting me onto the Argan oil. It really is THE most amazing product in my regime. If you have dry, fly away or just basically unhealthy hair I can totally recommend giving it a try.

When I woke this morning I was feeling a bit flat and generally not myself. But after a long shower in which I washed my hair and then rubbed through some of my wonder oil, I feel far more on top of the world. Ahh it's amazing how a great hair day can change ones outlook on the day. I feel positively renewed.

Watching - I enjoyed a completely decadent 16 and pregnant marathon yesterday. Ahh theres really nothing as naughty as watching trash while drinking wine and relaxing on the lounge.

Reading - Same ole, same ole

Listening - To the kids playing in the mornings while I guiltily try and grab some extra sleep

State of mind - Compared to this morning, positively radiant

PS. I'm sure I've used this photo before on a blog post but I couldn't find it. After four years of blogging I was bound to have some repetition. :)

Stop Right Where You Are!

2011-05-22T21:51:00.000+10:00

Today as I was pondering over what to do with two new school shirts I bought that I think are too small for Jack, Hamish said to me "it's ok mummy, just keep them till I start school next year". My initial reaction was to laugh and then I realized ... Holy cow!! He's right.
My little man is starting school in less than nine months! It's made me feel like I want to relive that whole nine months in, nine month out idea that is talked about a lot in early parenting.
For those that haven't heard about it, it's the idea that after being pregnant for nine months, you give the baby nine months to get used to the outside world but doing things like feeding on demand and being in physical contact by baby wearing etc. It's basically the idea that you let the child learn separation from mummy in a similar time frame to pregnancy.
I'm not as panicked about school this time as I was with Jack at the same countdown point but I do want to try and make sure I soak up the last of the time I have my baby home with me. I do want to hold him a little tighter tonight as I have become aware that soon he will be moving to the next stage of development ... The one where I have to let go a little.
Saying that he is going to be so ready for school! He is already enjoying the direction and guidance from the preschool teachers. And in the last few weeks he has started sounding out words like cat, cold, hot, mummy and little. He asked me to help him read like Jack reads a reader every night. So I asked Jack's teacher if I could borrow a few of the lowest level of reader and now every night he is reading us these basic books. He can count to 100, and knows what the numbers up to 100 look like when written. But more than just the educational parts of school he has also spent a lot of time in the last few months trying to make well balanced friendships, working on learning to follow directions (mine, his brothers, preschools and friends) and just basically trying to learn to be a more calm and helpful little boy.
And it's working! This little man who has been ... Umm ... difficult, irrational, emotional, manic, wildly and passionately loving, and full of more ups and downs than anyone I have ever met, is trying.
My heart sings for him and for me. Firstly I can't quite imagine how much nicer it must be for him to feel in control of himself more often. It's certainly more relaxed in our home. And although if he's tired, or over stimulated we can have nutty moments .... Well let's be honest we all have those and if we expect our children to survive ours then the least they can expect is for us to ride theirs out with them.
So anyway I digress, nine months in? At almost 5? I think it can be done and in a way I think both of us need it to be done. I wish I could tell time to 'stop right where you are' for a moment, before the real countdown to school begins. I hope the next nine months goes slowly. I hope we can find the time and energy to nurture each other a bit more and have these last nine months continue the way the beginning of this year started. Let the countdown begin!!
Watching - The new Doctor Who eps
Listening - Whatever comes up when I pick shuffle on my iPhone
Reading - Decided to finish reading Zombies vs Unicorns'
State of mind - Pretty chilled considering AB is away, feeling a bit more besotted with my kids than usual and generally pretty damn content with the life I have. Ahh the bliss!! :)

Glinda The Good Witch

2011-05-21T15:18:00.001+10:00

I mentioned in my mother's day post that I knew Andrew, on behalf of Hamish, had brought me a ring. It's garish, and slightly tacky, sparkly and absolutely perfect.
I have been wearing it every chance I get and being huge, tacky and extremely shiny, people can't help but notice and comment.
Oh how I love it!!
Watching - Love and other drugs, pretty cute rom-com.
Listening - Children bickering (lord give me strength).
Reading - On page one of The City and The City by China Melville.
State of mind - Mostly relaxed, slightly aware that with Andrew away for the week this will probably change. But feeling good about the fact that this is no longer something that is so terrifying I contemplate going to bed and waiting it out with my head under the covers.

Dance The Way I Feel

2011-05-16T18:22:00.001+10:00

When was the last time you danced till you felt you couldn't dance anymore? Till you were hot and sweaty? Till your muscles ached and your feet hurt? Till you felt that dancing bug was completely sated?

Dancing is one of those things that can invigorate the body, done right it is one of those rare times when you feel completely free. But what does 'done right' mean? I'm certainly no candidate for 'So You Think You Can Dance' so what I mean is, when was the last time you danced like no one was watching? Like you were completely at one with the music and were able to move your body the way the music makes you feel?

I'm guessing for most of you (and for me) it's been a loooong time. The truth is that most people stop dancing at some point. Maybe you've lost your interest in clubs and rave parties. Maybe you just lost the time to do these things. Maybe you've got no interest in dancing alone. Maybe you don't have the interest in dancing with others. Whatever the reason, unless your completely motivated to keep up dancing, it seems to be of those things people stop doing regularly or at all.

On the weekend I had an epiphany, there is nothing better for my state of mind and soul than to dance the way I feel. After a few glasses of wine a friend and I put on some boppy music and started prancing around her lounge room. We danced till we were sweaty, and exhausted. We danced until we forgot we were together and started dancing like no one was watching, moving like our bodies like we were part of the music.

In short it was amazing!!!

We didn't need a night club, or a rave party, we probably didn't even need the few glasses of wine (although I'm sure they helped feel comfortable enough to be so silly at the beginning) all we needed was music, and courage and we danced, and danced, and danced. In fact we danced till almost 3am in the morning. I woke and my whole body ached and my mind felt like I had meditated for hours.

It reminded me of a friend who recently mentioned that they were thinking of joining a club that his friend is part of. I wish I could remember more about it. But from what I do remember the whole point of this club wasn't drinking and picking up or anything to do with night clubs. This was more in line with a knitting club or a bike riding club. This was dancing to achive a version of nirvana. A place to release, without feeling watched. A place to dance the way you feel.

I might need to call him and find out more about it because dancing alone (but not alone) in the lounge room was the most fun and mental relaxation I've had in a long time.

Watching - The Neil Gaiman written Doctor Who .... heaven in a blue box

Reading - Ray Bradbury - The day it rained forever

Listening - A whole lot of boppy music, favs for the night included Nirvana, Adrian Lux, The Gossip and Florence and the Machine.

State of mind - Ready to do it all again

One Tooth Down

2011-05-10T22:57:00.002+10:00

Today Jacks wobbly tooth finally came out. After lots of wiggling and fiddling at my request, he decided it was time to give it a proper pull and pop, one tooth down.
Funny how these mummy moments make me all teary and proud and sad all at the same time. Jack on the other hand was immensely proud of himself and wanted to call daddy (who is in Melbourne on business) straight away.

Saying that I just got all snuggled into bed and was about to turn the light out when I realised that I had forgotten to swap the tooth for the donation from the tooth fairy. Gosh it's really the small details that's hard to keep track of when your parenting solo.

Watching - crankily I've just finished the remake of the UK show Survivors without realising not only did they only make two seasons but they left the second season as a cliff hanger. Grrr

Reading - Game play walkthroughs for some hidden object/puzzle apps I downloaded. (I may have a gaming addiction ... Is there a support group for that?)

Listening - to weird bumps in the night? Why do household night sounds sound so much more ominous when your home alone? Not helped by the fact that as a babysat for a friend last night a book jumped a meter off the bookshelf and into the floor. The child (bless) said he thought it was the wind which outwardly I agreed with but kept a lookout for weird cat behavior for the rest of the night (you know, cause cats have that whole sixth sense thing). Of course the cat then thought it was hilarious to grab a sock and run back and fourth around the house with it in her mouth. It was a whole great kids, creepy books, freaky cat situation :)

State of mind - teary, proud, slightly annoyed about the state of television these days, and a little skittish :)

Mothers Day (Weekend)

2011-05-09T23:51:00.001+10:00

Mothers day? Not likely! This year its been more like mother's week. Massages from my boys and a masseuse, little notes and drawings from the boys during the lead up, and then there was the weekend.

The in-laws took the kids out for lunch on Saturday and AB and I decided to have an 'us' day in Newtown. The weather was gorgeous and it was a perfect day for hanging around outside.

We parked near the park, and once again I took notice of how much I love where we live. The park was full of dogs and families picnicking, people reading and laughing. As much as most of us city dwellers miss the backyard space we could have if we moved further out of town, the upside means that we use the green spaces around us. I love this! AB and I talked about it and he didn't get what I was saying when I gushed over the idea that all these people, although they weren't talking to each other, were spending time in a communal way. These green spaces seem to bring people together so that even if you were feeling lonely, you couldn't miss that you are a part of something larger.

We stopped at a pub for a glass of wine and a cider and decided to go and look upstairs at the beer garden. It was gorgeous up there sitting in the sun. We sat by the windows that overlooked the street watching the world go by and decided to eat lunch. A man who was excessively drunk for 1pm came over to chat and both of us smiled as he chatted on about weird stuff and then went off to chat to the next table. I laughed that even sitting quietly in a pub can give you the opportunity to socialize with your community.

We left and browsed a few book shops and then wandered further up the street to get coffee from my favourite roaster. I hardly ever go there so grabbing a takeaway and walking back to the car felt like a perfect way to end our us time.

We got home and AB took the time to wash his bike while I read my new comic books. Some friends and their kids came over about half an hour before our kids came home and we spent the rest of the night talking while the kids played on the street.

Sunday morning arrived and it was present time. The ring that AB bought me from the kids hadn't arrived (and it needs a whole blog post all of its own) but I was greeted with cuddles, handmade cards, another kiddie massage and the gorgeous (to me) pink and purple stripped mug that Jack picked out from the mother's day stall at school. Bless, apparently he picked it because I love coffee and now I could have a special mug to drink it out of. So as I ate my huzby made Eggs Benedict, I drank my coffee from my brand new mug and generally thanked the world for this amazing thing called motherhood.

(OK that's enough of the gushy post for now, but this weeks mother's day really did require some documenting :)

Reading - Kick-Ass, Coraline graphic novel and finishing the Subtle Knife reread

Watching - ummm

Listening - ummm

State of Mind - Gushy (apparently)

Case in Point

2011-05-05T09:58:00.000+10:00

After the other days post about how Hamish has his own sense of style, today's outfit was a perfect example.

Hat on backwards (cause it's cool), black shirt and checked flannel shirt, grey purple and black patterned stockings with red shorts over the top and ankle converse type boots.

After putting this ensemble together he proudly stated as he looked in the mirror "yep! I look cool" and wandered off to play.

Gotta love it!

Weird Things I Love

2011-05-04T20:37:00.001+10:00

Today I went to the butcher to buy a boned shoulder of lamb. When I got there they didn't have a boned joint ready but he said he could bone it for me. We started chatting when I mentioned that I had boned my own shoulder last time. As much as I had tried to do it properly it was quite a hack job (which wasn't a problem seeing that I was cutting it up anyway). He asked me if I wanted to come and watch him butcher it. Of Course I Did!!

There is something very satisfying for me about cutting up meat. I love deboning a joint, or defatting a loin. But only red meat or at a pinch, fish. The idea of doing the same to chicken or worse pork makes me feel quite I'll.

The truth is part of me wouldn't mind being a butcher!! I know weird huh! I mean I am well and truly an omnivore and have no issues with eating meat (treatment of livestock is a whole other topic) but I am also an animal lover and a pacifist so why is there something about butchering that appeals?

It made me think about other weird things that I like;

1. Popcorn and choc-tops - There is nothing that compliments watching a movie at the cinema more than a box of popcorn and a choc-top to dip the popcorn in. (especially strange because I can't stand candied popcorn)

2. The radio station next-door - It frustrates Andrew no end when the radio station next-door is blaring their music at all hours, but there is something that I love about it. Mostly it's the fact that without warning I can walk into the backyard and be reminded of the global music festival we go to. The reggae, the loud talking and the smell of ganja wafting over the fence. Not to mention that sometimes late at night I can feel a bit freaked the idea of going out to the loo. But when I get out there if the radio people are having a gathering, the music and happy chatting can help me feel more relaxed about the dark corners. Generally I love that the sounds of the city drift over my fence and remind me of why we live where we do.

3. When its so hot I can't sleep - After the week long heat wave we had last summer I was starting to tire of the night time heat but usually in Sydney those nights only happen a few times each summer. The fans are trying to lull me to sleep with their hum. The doors and windows are all open so the sounds of the city waft in to join it. I'm flipping and flopping trying to find a cool spot on my pillow but deep inside I'm feeling kinda sultry, like I'm trying to sleep beside the beach in Fiji.

4. Spiders webs - simple, I don't like spiders, but I love spiders webs.

5. Music that makes me cry - I'm a sucker for a sad song and quick to cry. But I also love those melancholy trips down memory lane.

6. Being woken by the kids in the night - Now that both kids sleep through the night most nights I can actually enjoy the once in a while when they wake me for a quick cuddle and then tiptoe back to their own beds.

7. Folding the washing - the problem is trying to find the motivation to start it. And I dislike actually putting it away. But I quite like the action of folding it. And am enjoying it more now that the kids put their own clothes away.

I'm sure there are loads of others and I can now add butchering to the list. Oh and don't worry I'm not going to run out and become a butcher ... (I'm sure I'd get stuck doing all the chickens :)

What weird things do you love?

Watching - Daybreakers, an Aussie/American film about a time when vampires have taken over the world. It had two of my favourite things, vampires and Ethan Hawke

Listening - still pretty stuck on Lykke Li. I'll Follow Rivers is a bit of an obsession at the moment.

Reading - Madhur Jaffrey's Curry Easy, hence the shoulder of lamb to make her Lamb in whole spice Indian curry.

State of mind - 15 minute massage from the kids this morning, 45 minute massage from the lady at the day spa, bikini and underarm wax and lamb curry and red wine for dinner ... Have a guess :)

What to Wear?

2011-05-03T18:34:00.003+10:00

As with a lot of women, the question 'what am I going to wear?' is almost enough to induce cold sweats.

I don't mean getting dressed for a normal day of dropping kids to school or doing the groceries. But a night out can honestly have me trying almost everything in my wardrobe on and still coming up blank.

As far as I'm concered 'what am I going to wear?' is one of the hardest questions I've ever had to answer and unfortunately it's one that comes up fairly regularly.

If you had have asked me a few years ago, it would have had me running to the shops to buy something. I still remember spending two days looking everywhere for an outfit for my uncles wedding. By the end not only was I almost in tears but I had spent way more money that I had planned and was still not happy with the ensemble.

Part of the problem for me is that I have always struggled to find my style. I'm not talking fashion or how to be stylish, I'm talking about how I see myself and the clothes I own versus the clothes I like and the way I'd like to look.

When I was in my teens I spent a fair amount of time wishing I had clothes like everyone else's. But lack of money meant that I never felt like my outfits were 'right'. At the same time I used to look at one of my cousins and her boho/art student/op shop style and wished that I had the courage to dress like she did. She always looked fabulous and never looked like anyone else. Unfortunately for me and my dressing confidence, the want/need to fit in, meant that I spent my time (and what little money I had) trying to be like everyone else and never quiet getting it right.

I used to go to parties and be called 'hippy chick' and although somewhere deep down I was proud, the surface part of me was mortified that once again I had failed to be the same (as cool) as everyone else.

Skip to my 20s and I was dressing for the sort of work that I was doing. Everything in my wardrobe was either home wear or corporate wear. None of which were embracing the kinds of clothes I actually want to wear, but by now I have no idea how to dress more the way I feel.

Skip to motherhood and most people would say this is when they start to play it safe with their wardrobe. I am the opposite. More and more I am feeling like I am dressing the way I have always felt. With my corporate clothes all gone I've started feeling braver about how to dress myself and less worried about what people think about my clothes. It took a few defining moments;

1. Moving to the inner west - when we first moved here it was unthinkable for me to walk out of the house without getting dressed semi-decently and putting some eyeliner on. I worried that people would notice and judge me as I had felt they had in my teens. Within a few weeks, I started noticing that people here don't care. I regularly saw people at the shops in their PJs, and most looked as if they had just skuffed around the house for the morning and then decided to pop to the shops. If they were dressed it was often in some cool looking outfit that looked comfy and original. I can still remember the first time I went out in my home clothes with no eye liner and how free I felt.

2. Going to the beach - a few years later I went to the beach with some friends and the kids. I was feeling very self conscious about getting into my swimmers infront of everyone. But after a little while I noticed there were women who were older, larger, more saggy, less boobs, more boobs unshaven, and everything else in-between. If they could embrace their buldge, sag, hair then why couldn't I? And realistically, let's be honest, no one was even looking.

3. My sons - both of my boys have very strong ideas about what they want to wear, especially Hamish. He has always chosen things outside normal 'boy' wear. For a long time he wanted long hair, he likes to dress in bright colours including pink and purple and he generally doesn't care what anyone else thinks about it. Even Jack who plays it a bit more conservatively has regular moments where he let's his own style shine through (the photo of his favourite purple fingerless gloves that he wears almost constantly is a great example)

4. My friends - I now have a lot of friends that dress like my cousin. In a way that says 'this is me'. A key moment was when a friend and I were going out. After worrying for hours, I dressed in jeans in a black top not knowing what else in my wardrobe was going to be 'appropriate'. When she rocked up she had knee high boots on with satin leopard print PJ pants tucked into them looking like puffy pantaloons, bright pink dress with a lacy black top over and a ratty faux fur jacket over that. I looked at her and those crazy pants and wanted to cry and/or hug her. I thought her so brave to even try that combination and she looked wild and amazing and a little nuts. But who cares, she was brave about how she put things together, she didn't feel like she needed to play it safe and she didn't care if anyone else thought she looked a bit nuts she was confident in her ensemble and because of that she looked amazing.

So slowly but surely I am trying to be braver. I've learnt a few lessons; that skirt really doesn't work as a dress, layering is all about textures, colours, necklines and length, if I wear something that in hindsight didn't really work chances are (being in the inner west) I'm probably still not the worst or weirdest dressed person in the room, you can get everything you need at the shops, but it will be cheaper (meaning potentially you can get more) and less like what 'everyone else' is wearing if your happy to scrounge around the markets/op shops.

So now on a daily basis I dress more the way I feel. And rarely worry about what anyone else thinks. Still going out to special events freaks me out as my wardrobe is full of 'my' sort of clothes, comfy, colorful, and easy. But at least I've got my day to day sorted. Maybe it's time to work on my going out wardrobe ... Actually that might be a lot of fun!

Reading - rereading Philip Pullmans, The Amber Spyglass

Watching - Spaced, loved it. If you haven't checked it out do yourself a favour.

Listening - Lykee Li, I heard her described as Bjork crossed with Florence and the Machines. She's marvelous.

State of Mind - Tired but after lots of fun on the weekend kinda refreshed at the same time.

Love .....

2011-05-02T19:39:00.000+10:00

Tonight Jack made me a card. On the front it had a bunch of flowers and love hearts and said "for mum, love Jack".

Inside it said "I Love you mum I wish I cood make you brecfist"

Be still my heart!

Today in Photos - Rain, Paint and Green Velvet

2011-05-02T18:44:00.000+10:00

Woke up with a warm little body next to me. Both kids slept in a bit today so

it was a lovely way to start the day.

On the walk to school we saw lots of mushrooms and toadstools

(one of the cool things about all this rain)

I spent a while talking to Hamish about the difference between edible mushrooms

and poisonous ones.

Met Dad and Inge at the art gallery to see the Archibald

(a no photo zone so it got a bit photo quiet for a while there)

We also had lunch together yesterday and I so enjoyed seeing them. There really isn't

anything quite like spending time with the parental units

Walked back to the car in various levels of spitting rain. I'm reminded once again how

much I love photos of my feet.

I had an hour free before I had to pickup the kids so I did a bit of secondhand browsing

I found; A green velvet jacket, 2 books, an old tea caddy perfect for use as a pencil holder,

3 pairs of pants for Jack, and a red leather wallet

Picked up Jack and realised that my darling, fumblehanded son had lost his brand new

school jumper. Of course I had forgotten to label it so I may as well have thrown

$20 on the ground, jumped on it a few times and run away

(Note: this is not my happy face)

Oh and did I mention that I got a few new iPhone photo apps and it has reinvigorated my photo taking :)

The Facts of Life

2011-04-27T17:55:00.000+10:00

When Jack was four he asked me about how babies are made. And I said something along the lines of;

"Daddy put a seed inside of mummy, and like a plant does, it grew into a baby"

When Jack was around five he asked me how daddy's get the seed inside the mummy's. And I said something along the lines of;

"You know how mummy's have an egg inside them, well to grow they need some of daddy's sperm to make them into a baby. So when a mummy and a daddy love each other and want to make a family, daddy puts his penis inside of mummy. Actually I have this great book, would you like us to read it?"

This lead to some very detailed and interesting questions and answers that lasted a few weeks.

Last week Jack asked me "Mum if Ella has two mum's how was she made, cause she doesn't have a daddy to put sperm in anyone?"

How do you explain single gender parents to a six year old?

Let's just say that after a slight pause on my behalf the answer went something along the lines of;

"Well, umm, ahh, some mummy's need sperm if they don't have a husband that has any sperm. So they can get it from the doctor. So Ella's mummy's got some sperm from the doctor and the doctor put it into her vagina, just like a daddy's penis puts it into a mummy's vagina. Then the same way as the daddy's sperm finds the mummy's egg, the sperm from the syringe that the doctor uses finds its way to the egg and the baby grows"

PHEW!!

Today Jack asked if someone on TV was a man/woman, like those man/woman's we sometimes see?

This whole raising an aware and open child is fantastic, but I have to tell you that I don't quite feel ready to talk to my child about transvestites and alternate gender identification just yet, so I said something along the lines of;

"Maybe ... are you hungry?"

New Spaces

2011-04-21T18:22:00.001+10:00

Art and craft has always been a huge part our the boys play. From very young they would spend at least part of the day doing something with pencils or playdough or sticky tape.
Until recently it has been done on the little table in our lounge room (this is also the table where they eat). But recently we have become keenly aware that the space was no longer big enough.
For months, art has started taking over the house. They have either been working at the huzby's and my desk (getting kicked off when we needed out own spaces back) or on the lounge room floor (not optimal for comfort, or the fact that my lounge gets covered with pencils, scissors and little bits of paper).
Today we moved some furniture around and, thanks to a divine neighbor, got a gorgeous new (old) table. We grabbed some old chairs from our shed, otherwise known as the furniture TARDIS. And ta-da they have an art/homework/creative corner all of their own.
Now for some cork boards covered in material to hang their favorite pieces, some comfy cushions on the chairs and some more effective pencil holders but until the last pieces fall into place at least we wont have to bargain for desk space or tread on pencils as we walk through the lounge room.

Today's Haul (6) aka the Book Extravaganza

2011-04-20T19:33:00.000+10:00

It's been a while between 'Haul' posts. Mainly that's because I really haven't been secondhand (or firsthand) shopping much for months.

But today as it was a rainy looking day, Andrew was working from home and I had two happy but energetic children at home I thought a little second hand browsing was just what the doctor ordered.

We only went to two different op shops, but I have the bug now and think we may have to browse a bit tomorrow as well.

So the haul included (at the whopping price of $22)

- 17 books (five of which aren't included in the photo as three were for the little girl we had over for a play and two have gone to bed with Hamish)

- A magic 8 ball with a little less fluid inside than is optimal but still works if your happy to wait for the bubbles to pop before you get your answer. And if your wondering the first few questions were
Q. Is mummy the best mummy ever?
A. Yes definitely :)
Q. Can I go through this door?
A. Don't count on it
Q. Will mummy let me buy this ball?
A. Ask again later (followed by without a doubt)

- A junior scattergories game without the mission cards. But for $2 it has the 26 sided letter dice and we have made our own way to play and the writing pads, egg timer and pencils.

- A 'Jack Lives Here' keyring. If he knew what it really means it's not exactly child appropriate but seeing as he doesn't it's completely Jack appropriate.

- A spangly bracelet for the friend.

God I love second hand shopping. It fills two opposing parts of my personality. The part that loves beautiful things and wants beautiful things. And the part that doesn't like spending a lot of money. Today's little expedition has fulfilled both perfectly.

Quiet on the Blog Front

2011-04-20T17:48:00.000+10:00

It's been very quiet on the blog these last few weeks. Firstly we had the pox, and now it's school holiday's. All in all life hasn't put much in my path that I feel is blogworthy. I mean realistically I have been almost completely stuck in the house with various amounts of kids for about 6 weeks now (and yes I'm feeling every moment of it but no I haven't gone insane yet).

I have talked with Jack about making a movie quite a lot in the last few months but haven't been able to 1. Get him motivated to start (mostly due to 2.) 2. Haven't been able to come up with a good way to start or do it.

Then yesterday one of the neighbours started talking about making a movie with the kids, stop motion style, using playdough. The group of 6 kids didn't have the focus to complete (or even really start) the process but Jack was keen when he got home to give it a go. And so we played with many ideas last night.

Today we had a little friend over for the day, and about 20 minutes before we had to drop her home they started taking photos for a stop motion picture. It was done in quite a half hearted way and so the photos and clay work were a little rushed. But after she left I whipped them together and Jack picked out a sound effect.

He marveled at the outcome and I realised he really didn't understand what the process was going to achieve. Now he does, he is talking about putting together a longer film and has very specific ideas about the sound effects we should use.

So I thought I would show you their little effort and then hopefully sometime soon I can show you the larger idea that Jack is working on. Or like so many six year olds he could well loose interest .... only time will tell.

The Dreaded Pox

2011-04-06T16:46:00.000+10:00

You know the funny thing about chicken pox? .... Nothing! The truth is that the kids survived their bouts of chicken pox with relatively few issues, but then I got them.

Yes, I have had them before (well at least my blood test during pregnancy said I had had them) but apparently cuddling my pox covered child morning noon and night was more than my immunity could cope with.

So the Sunday before last as I lay in the bath, I noticed a few little spots, I asked the huzby if he thought it was the dreaded pox and he reminded me that I often came up in little red anonymous spots and not to worry. That night as I cuddled pox riddled child number 2 I felt like I had prickly heat. My entire body was prickly but I put it down to my overactive imagination.

Monday morning arrived and I heard AB about to leave for work, I rushed downstairs to have a look at my bod in the full length mirror (figuring if it wasn't my imagination he was going to need to stay home) and sure enough, there were a lot more spots.

Cut to mid afternoon, and picture me walking around the house crying as my whole body felt like a combination of being on fire and like I was laying on a cactus. This went on for about 72 hours until finally the antihistamines kicked in enough to let me sleep and I woke up feeling sore and sick but much less itchy.

Now like everyone I have a certain amount of vanity and the next three days I was thankfully still in quarantine because my entire body including my face was covered in red stingy pustules. I looked as though I had severe acne and everything hurt.

This Monday was my first day officially out of quarantine. All up from Hamish's first spots till my last, we have been in quarantine for a month. It's been a long road. There were actually a lot of fun times with the three of us being stuck in the house but I'm glad for the freedom of children at school and me being able to do small things like run out to get some milk or talk to people on the street.

So the blog has been quiet for a while, but I'm back in the land of the living and feeling like a trooper for having survived the most physically painful thing I have ever had to endure. Now finger, toes and anything else you can think of crossed that AB doesn't get it (he has passed the usual incubation time)!!

Watching - Some new movies, Black Swan (liked it a lot), Skyline (pretty great special effects, ordinary storyline), The Box (worst movie I've seen in a long time) and for the kids, Tangled and Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Tangled wins)

Listening - The Gossip, Lamb, Joan a Policewoman

Reading - About two pages of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell a night. I'm tried and trying to heal so reading isn't high on the agenda

State of mind - Tried, slightly traumatized and so glad that life is headed back to normality.

People you Meet

2011-03-27T14:44:00.000+11:00

The longer I live in this area the more I love it!

On Friday a friend and I decided to go out for some child free time. As always I said I wanted to go to the pub. For me there is no better place to chill out on a Friday night. You always end up meeting people or listening to music or just generally getting silly in a way you wouldn't do in a restaurant.

Because of budget constraints we decided to go to our local. It's a bit of a tradie/old man/parents with kids pub and not exactly 'the' place to go when your childless. Saying that I love that no matter what pub you go to in our area, the chances are you'll meet some interesting characters.

My night started with meeting an old school friend and talking for an hour. It always surprises me that even though I now live an hour away from where I grew up, I rarely go out without seeing someone I knew from school. It was fun seeing how one of the quirkiest people from my school days has turned out as an adult.

Then my friends arrived and we moved to dinner and chatting/laughing and general mischief making.

Two guys asked if they could join us and more hilarity ensued. Including some very candid conversations about circumcision, being gay in your 40s and leather play (I little too much information).

What was going to be a quick fun but fairly quiet dinner out turned into something quite different. Hence why I love where I live, it's all about the people you meet!

Watching - Child number 1 come up with the pox.

Listening - General kids noise and some complaining about the pox.

Reading - Same as last time, it's a big book and reading isn't high on the agenda.

State of mind - Refreshed and slightly hungover, ready for another two weeks of quarantine... Kind of!

Fort Building

2011-03-25T14:09:00.001+11:00

This is quite timely, seeing that a gorgeous friend recently told me to build a gigantic fort to keep the kids occupied during pox week. I love this idea. Mind you I love any idea that screams, young, idealistic, creative and world changing ... one fort at a time!

Forts and the Inbetween from Wesley Bruce on Vimeo.

App-aholic

2011-03-24T16:48:00.000+11:00

It's no news that I love my iPhone. In fact Andrew often comments that he thinks I'm addicted. He's not entirely wrong;

–adjective

devoted or given up to a practice or habit or to something psychologically or physically habit-forming.

By this definition, actually, he's right. The reason being that my iPhone does so much! It has replaced many different utensils in my life. It is my phone, my gaming device, my book, my email program, my web browser, I check facebook and Twitter, I listen to my music, check the weather, It's my camera, my filofax, my blogreader and my torch. There are so many things that I use my iPhone for that it is rarely out of my hand.

The best thing is that these uses just keep growing. The more I search through the online AppStore the more uses I find and the less often it is out of my hands.

So here is a list of my favourite Apps, skipping over the obviously useful and popular ones like email, facebook and internet readers:

Hipstamatic - Hands down my favourite photo app. Its got some beautiful lenses and films. Suddenly those great arthouse type photos I have coveted for years are at my fingertips, no skill required beyond picking the right camera set-up for the shot. ($)

Icredibooth - A very close second favourite photo app, but it's more specific. It takes photos like you are in one of those old photo booths in the shopping centre. At every chance I was dragging Andrew and the kids into these old booths because I love the candid photos they take. Now I have one at my fingertips. It doesn't quiet replace the proper photo booth photos because part of the fun is trying to fit four people into a space made for one, but still at $1 for the app (versus the $7 per photo at the shopping centre) it's a great app. ($)

iBooks - There are loads of ebook readers out there but this is the one that I use. It works well, sure on the iPhone, its a small screen but I have decent eyesight so that isn't a problem for me. And the fact that its backlit means that I no longer keep Andrew awake with my bedside lamp. Plus I have 200+ books to read when I am out and about. It was brilliant when I was in India because it meant that I could have a range of books without having to find space in my luggage. (free)

Soundhound - I can't tell you how many times I have been watching TV or listening to the radio and a song has come on that I don't know but wish I did. In the past I have found some of these songs by spending time searching the web or waiting for another 4 songs to play before the radio announcer finally tells me what I was listening to. With this app you turn it on and it listens to the music then it comes up with what the song is, most of the time with the lyrics and a link to buy it from iTunes. You can even sing to it and it guesses what your singing, although you have to be able to kind hold a tune for this one. ($)

Soundtracking - Its a new app and I'm loving it. I feel so out of the music world these days and this is a great way for me to see what people are listening to at the moment. It is like Twitter but for music. You can follow what people are listening to or see what music is trending and listen to a snippet. It's linked to facebook and/or twitter and adds a post to tell other people what you're listening to at the time to shares the love. (free)

Words with Friends - Simply, it's online two player scrabble. But unlike other online scrabble games you don't have to plan to have the time to play a whole game all in one go, you just take your turn when you have the chance. I have been playing with someone called Metallican for weeks, we finish one game and start another but each game takes us about two days to finish. I love word games but rarely have the time to sit down with actual people and play so this is a good filler. (free)

Honorable Mentions:

Games
- Plants Vs Zombies - It's plants fighting zombies, what's not to like ($)
- Tiny Wings - the little bird can't fly so you help it jump from island to island, its cute with very sweet (basic) graphics and they give you missions to make the novelty last longer ($)
- Carnivores - guns, dinosaurs and spaceships that pick up your dead dinos, bring you ammo and move you around the map, I'm a pacifist, against hunting truly I am but boy I love this game (free)
- Fruit Ninja - cut fruit ... its that easy, best of all you can play online with real opponents ($)

Utilities
- Flixster - check out what movies are on and when locally with the touch of a button (free)
- XE Currency - saved me when I was in India! Seeing that I'm terrible with numbers it was a quick currency converter that helped me decide what price I was willing to pay for things (free)
- Ocarina - lets you use your iPhone like a woodflute. Why? Why not! (free)
- iTorch4 - turns the flash on your iPhone 4 into a torch, believe it or not I use this all the time (free)
- Netnewswire - news feed reader (blogs mainly) (free)

There are so many more, and quiet a few that I've tried and they failed me but the exciting thing is that I also know there will be more, and the uses for my iPhone will continue to grow. What apps do you love? use all the time? Found and are just obsessed with? paid for and stink?

In the end Andrew is right, I may be addicted but seeing that it is the most useful device in our home and from my point of view saves us money in the long run, this could be one of those addictions that is a positive thing.

Reading - On my iPhone
Listening - On my iPhone
Watching - Myself killing dinosaurs or cutting fruit or my kids playing and photographing it on my iPhone
State of mind - well and truly but happily addicted to my iPhone :)

How To: Steampunk Goggles

2011-03-22T17:14:00.000+11:00

Another groovy video from the web!!! I talk all the time about how much I love the weird, wonderful and innovative things people decide to do and then share on the internet. This one makes me wish that I had a random baseball hanging around the house. Then again I could grab myself some leather and make some for both the boys!! (Ok, Ok for me as well :)

How To Snakes

2011-03-22T15:50:00.000+11:00

I loved my modular snake as a kid. I also was addicted to the snake game for quiet a while as it and frogger were the only two games we had for our Macintosh. ( I can still hear the frogger, snake and insert disk sounds in my head if I close my eyes)

Owls and Cats and Pompoms ... Oh My!!

2011-03-22T12:11:00.000+11:00

A few months ago Jack was having nightmares about a black cat with yellow eyes. It was disturbing him in a way I've not seen before and so to help him process it I asked him if he could draw the cat for me. He did. But then he asked me if I could help him draw a better cat. Because I'm not a drawer I started looking online for some tutorials.

I found a site called Art Projects for Kids. Its got some great examples of how to draw certain things and prompted a lot of discussion with Jack and Hamish about how drawing things realistically is often about looking for different shapes in an object and putting them all together. We printed out quiet a few and made our own little 'How to Draw' book.

No one paid much attention to it after that first week but pox week re-inspired both of the boys to try them again. As I watched I had some worries that they would think that 'the' way to draw was to follow the directions exactly. But I was especially excited as I watched how they both added their own details. Also they have both been using the idea of finding shapes in order to draw other pictures.

Hamish's second owl, "This one is a square owl mummy and its made of fire!"

Jack's cat. We printed off a lot of different styles of cat and Jack has played around with all of them. This is my favourite.

Yesterday the boys got into the craft box and Jack found a little pompom. He's one of those kids that always has treasures in his pockets or stashed in his hand and after an hour I realised he still had this pompom. Andrew mentioned that mummy could show them how to make pompoms (thanks for that). At first I thought that this activity would last about 10 minutes but I was surprised that both of them, especially Jack were so excited by the end result that they kept up pompom making all day. My mum was an avid needleworker and so I have all of her left over yarns in a myriad of colours and had often wondered what I would do with these little bits of coloured wool. There was something extra special about watching my boys rummage through her stash and find colours that pleased them to make something that was giving them both so much joy.

By the end of the day we had made 10 pompoms, in an assortment of rainbow colours. Some were messy and clashed vibrantly and others were soft little circles of gorgeous complimentary colours. All of them are beautiful.

And so its official, pox week is over!! Jack went to school today and Hamish is no longer contagious. The funny thing is I'm feeling a little sad about it. I was enjoying having both of the boys home. Although some days were challenging enough to have me pulling my hair out in frustration, there was something nurturing about the three of us being stuck in the house and trying to find ways of occupying and enjoying each other.

Saying that I cant wait for next Monday, when I finally get some 'me time'. Although knowing me I'll probably spend it mopping the floors, I'm also determined to do something nice for myself... maybe a massage or just sitting quietly for an hour.

Reading - Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, Second time I've picked this one up, I'm hoping it grabs me this time

Watching - Weeds S5

Listening - Art vs Science, Weeds Soundtrack, James Blake Echoes

State of mind - Happy sad and generally peaceful, Ahhhh ....

Painting, Rain and Pox

2011-03-20T16:02:00.001+11:00

The problem with your child having chicken pox is the quarantine. Sure the actual pox are awful but I've got to say that the quarantine is (for me) worse.
Jack, Hamish and I have been housebound for a week now. They are being about as chilled as you can expect two uber confined little boys to be. I on the other hand, am going slightly mad.
The first few days were fine, but the last few have found me walking around the house sighing at every turn at how weathered and worn every room (bar the hallway) feels.
Skip to me convincing AB that painting the kitchen was a great idea (although we both must have been crazy to have thought that painting with two little boys at home, both of whom are feeling edgy, was a great idea).
Anyway, he in his infinite wisdom decided that I should wait for him and we would do it together. On one hand this was a great idea. It's a better job than I would have done on my own and it was finished in a day and a half. On the other hand, he despises painting, so the day and a half was filled with as much grown man complaining as it was bored children complaining.
It's been bucketing down for two days, so not optimal painting weather. But that being said, the sun has come out just as we have finished.
Without before pictures to show you, the above picture doesn't really capture the new and improved kitchen but just imagine grease stained duck egg blue walls and bright blue struts for the bench and bright blue splash back and your get the idea.
We ended up picking good ole antique white USA, for the walls after plain white was just too .... white. And the red is some weird colour I picked whilst trying to keep 'chicken poxie boy' and his older brother 'not sick, but stuck at home for a week' entertained from the confines of the shopping trolley. Not an easy or fun time was had by all hence the red colour that both AB and I keep looking at and wondering "how did that colour get to be part of our household?".
Please note that I don't actually think picking decor is a good idea under these circumstances as if you look at the kitchen from certain angles the red/ black and white laminate tile combinations has a 'race track' kinda feel to it.
The floors are to be done next weekend, which is to say, they probably won't be done at all. But if you stand in the kitchen and look straight ahead, it looks cleaner and fresher that it has since we ripped out the rotting old kitchen and put up the open shelving in 5 years ago. (I hated the blue splashback the minute I saw it, so it looks prettier than it has since we moved in)
Reading - Colour Charts
Watching - Weeds S5 and paint drying
Listening - The Nationals and James Blake and my favorites playlist on rotation
State of mind - Exhausted but pleased with the weekends work.

Friday Funnies

2011-03-18T21:21:00.001+11:00

I've had a bit of a rough day today, everyone spent a fair amount of time being cranky. But then I had a great conversation filled with lovely news and afterwards I saw this video. Its 3 minutes and 39 seconds long and I haven't laughed so hard for a long time. I keep giggling every time I think of Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan or Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime.

Enjoy!!! (and if it's not your sort of thing, find yourself a video to make you laugh, it's great therapy and the best thing about YouTube)

Chicken Pox and Wobbly Teeth

2011-03-16T11:23:00.000+11:00

This week is all about childhood rights of passage. Hamish has chicken pox and Jack has his first wobbly tooth. Both came within an hour of each other.

The chicken poxy boy is doing well. Listening to his body, and to us to find ways to feel more comfortable. We are, of course, quarantined until the pox has passed. And awaiting Mr Wobbly Tooth's pox to start at any moment.

I feel for both the kids, they are so used to freely playing on the street with the other kids and I was worried that they were going to have to listen to everyone playing in front of our house every afternoon. But in a rather funny and slightly overly protective way, it seems that the rest of the streets parents have quarantined their own children as well.

So poor little Hamish looks like he has the plague and Jack is feeling well but is getting crazier by the second because in spite of feeling fine he can't leave the house.

It's going to be a long two weeks.

It's only day three and we have already:

- Used 1/2 the paper in the house to draw, make origami, paper airplanes, print out coloring pages, cut, paint, paste, write cards and generally do artwork until the house looks like a paper mill
- Completed the 20 odd homework sheets I printed off the Internet.
- Made playdough and played with modeling clay
- Watched all the new movies I could find
- Rocked out to some new tunes on the iPod
- Played at least 50 games of UNO, plus Jr scrabble, boggle and snap.
- Painted plaster of paris cats and dogs that my gorgeous neighbor bought for the boys from the $2 shop

Saying that I am feeling so proud of both of them. They are being very caring towards each other and towards me as well. Last night after me praising Hamish for being so brave he told me he was proud of me as well cause I was also being very brave. And he's right, this mummy gig is it's hardest with sick kids. But it also highlights how much mummy can fix, both literally and figuratively.

Watching - Weeds S2
Listening - The National and Kanye West
Reading - Natural healing for Kids, various chicken pox websites and generally browsing the web
State of mind - So far, calm cool and collected, but wait few more days for the meltdown of being cooped up with poxy bored children to begin

Words That Heal the World

2011-03-11T13:10:00.000+11:00

I've had a bit of a rough of a week. Full of ups and downs. Hamish is going through some growing pains both literally and figuratively. Jack has a cold and is also trying some new dominant boy types of behaviours. We have had our second case of nits. I've been unwell. Andrew is away and generally my brain is going a little topsy turvy. The week has been filled with some pretty great things as well. A few are particularly note worthy:

1. I have some amazing friends. This week they have dealt with my tears, angst, frustration and moods that have flown in all directions like professional psychotherapists. It's amazing how a chat, laughing till you need to pee, a well timed text message, a glass of wine, an unexpected cuddle, or the offer to take your kids for an hour can lift the mood of a hard week.

2. After talking to Jack and Hamish about how I need them to be a little extra chilled and helpful while AB is away Jack said "You know what I can do mum? Just near bedtime, I can look after Hamish and you can go out for dinner with your friends" Awww bless, I didn't dare tell him that I felt that he was too young and just cuddled and thanked him.

3. Today I said to Hamish "mummy is feeling like she looks old today" he replied "Let me look at your face mummy ... you don't look old, you look beautiful ... and your face is just a little bit bumpy, but not old". Nice to know as my wrinkles start to show that my four year old still thinks I'm beautiful (albeit slightly bumpy). I bought him an ice-cream :)

So as of today, including Andrew still being away, finalising the nits problem, Hamish and Jack still having periods when they are challenging, I feel great, and lucky, and all together more together.

Watching - Fringe S3

Listening - The new track from The Herd - Sum of it all, and as always more Temper Trap

Reading - Back into 'Never Say Goodbye'

State of Mind - Still a little bit sick, tired and so very lucky

Home Alone.

2011-03-08T21:16:00.000+11:00

Andrew is getting ready to go away for work again. Time was this would have had me quaking in my boots. But these days, what with the kids being older, and me being extremely used to it, I'm just getting my power mummy groove on. This means that for the next few days I'll be extra organized, extra chilled, and especially looking for a chat and catchup with others to give me that adult contact that seems so essential to get when parenting alone.

Why is it that we find it easier to be organized and chilled when we need to be (at times of stress)? And yet for the everyday we seem to constantly be chasing our tails about all of these things?

I have no answers for that one beyond 'We have to'. Saying that the small things do get left behind. Blogging for one, painting my nails for another. Hence tonights activities. So as long as the next 3 days go without incident I'll see y'all on the flip side. But if you see me on the street, I may well need an extra cuddle :)

Watching - It's Tuesday so new eps of Big Love and Being Human.

Listening - All of my favorites on a new playlist. (there's a blog post in that somewhere)

Reading - Hard to believe but still nothing. I've been a bit ill and still catching up on sleep.

State of mind - Calm, cool and collected (if you had of asked me earlier today it would have been SUCH a different answer)

Mini Breaks = Maxi Relaxation

2011-03-07T18:13:00.001+11:00

We popped down to our friends holiday house this weekend. As always a mini break was just what the doctor ordered. Made even more special by them showing me the bee hive they found during one of their explorations of the property. I could have spent all day sitting and watching, and probably would have if it wasn't for the mosquitos. After my bee keeping post it seemed like kismet. And something totally blogworthy.
Reading - Nothing, to many late nights.
Watching - Fringe S2
Listening - The Herds new single 'Sum of it all' released today. Nothing like supporting friends music and actually loving it at the same time.
State of mind - Satisfied, relaxed and tired.

Choices

2011-03-07T18:04:00.000+11:00

Two weeks ago after a hectic morning, in which I did more yelling than I'd like to admit, Jack told me he didn't want to go to school. In a year and a bit of school and three years of preschool this has only happened a handful of times. And each time it has come in conjunction with some sense of the world not being quite right. Either there have been some issue at school the previous day or he and I have had an uncomfortable morning.

After some talking, cuddling and apologizing from me and Jack, he was happy to go to school. But it reminded me, I want him to know that school is a choice.

Sure, it's easier for me to give a kid like him this choice because he is the sort of child that is pretty happy to do 'whatever'. But truly, I don't want either of my children to constantly feel forced by us to do anything especially something as huge and time consuming as school.

After pondering on it for a day I sat Jack down and said,
"did you know, that there are times when mum and Dad don't want to go to work? When that happens we have a day off, so I want you to know if there are days you just don't feel like going to school we could talk about it in the morning and you could have a quiet day at home with me"

Last week after a busy few days I could see how tired Jack was and I decided to offer him the day off to relax and regroup. I told him to think about it for an hour or so and I would ask him again later.

When I got back to him he wanted to know if he could play out on our street. I said he could but that everyone else was out. He thought about it a bit longer and then came back to me and said he wanted to go to school.

This was not something I was prepared for, I mean who gets offered a day off and says no? It was then that I realized that Jack sees school as a fun place where he gets to hangout with his friends. He isn't seeing school the way I remember it. Compared to the 80s, school these days is fun (at least for the time being), they play, they talk, they learn without realising it, and when they do realise it they love it.

I still struggle with school and our decision to send our kids, but it's little things like this that remind me that we made the choice that seemed the best for us and him at the time. And with how much he loves it, it certainly feels right.

Small Things - The Car Wash

2011-03-03T21:37:00.000+11:00

Today after dropping Jack off at school I asked Hamish what special thing he would like to do on 'Mummy and Hamish Day'. Without skipping a beat he said "I want to wash the car in one of those squirty things". I knew exactly what he meant but I felt uncomfortable at the idea of spending $10 on a dodgy car wash just to make him happy. Then I remembered, I asked him! If I didn't plan on trying to go along with whatever idea he came up with what was the point? Didn't I ask him so that he felt he had some autonomy when it came to our days activities? So off to the car wash we went and as I fed the $10 into the machine I felt that pang of money down the drain, but it was too late. Then I saw his face, like the photo shows, he was completely amazed and I realised for that look, I'd pay twice as much even if it didn't manage to get the bird poo off the bonnet!

Watching - Nothing exciting. Fringe S1 and new eps of Big Bang, Big Love and Being Human.

Reading - Catching up on blog reading, Girl Gone Geek, Regretsy, and my friends blogs

Listening - Who has any extra time for music beyond the 5 minutes of radio time lol

State of mind - after catching up on the street with a gorgeous albeit fairly new friend who totally 'gets' me and whom I think I 'get' as well, far more like myself ... Phew!

Bee Keeper Dreaming

2011-03-02T21:00:00.000+11:00

I saw this bee today and ended up taking photo upon photo of it. I love bees. Look at him, he's beautiful. That gorgeous fluffy collar, the beautiful black and yellowy stripes, those big eyes and those wings like oil on water. What's not to love?

I often think about raising bees. I have a dream that I'll become a master bee keeper or even a minor one. What stops me? Well other than living on a tiny block of land that already houses two dogs, two kids and a husband who's allergic to bees and the answer not much.

What are your 'one day' dreams? What's stopping you? Truth is most of the time it's ourselves that stop us chasing our dreams. Sure we blame it on time, finances, freedom or whatever other roadblocks we put in front of ourselves but really everything is achievable and all roadblocks conquerable if we decide to make it so.

Take my bee keeping, if I really wanted to make it happen I'm sure I could find a space away from the house to raise bees. But the truth is I can only imagine giving this dream the amount of time it would take for me to wander to the bottom of our yard. So realistically the small block, kids, dogs and allergic husband are all the excuses I put in the way. And that's ok as well. Life has a way of using these roadblocks to stop you going off on mad tangents. They are a way of making sure that the things you dream are really worthwhile working towards. Unfortunately we often use them as reasons for never moving forward at all.

I'm going to keep my bee keeper dream in that box of 'one day' dreams and for now I'll just keep spending time with them whenever I get a chance.

Watching - The movie 'Never Let me Go' OMG sobfest. I loved it.

Listening - Goyte

Reading - Never let me go - Kazuo Ishiguro. Only just started it, I'll get back to you.

State of mind - Slightly frustrated (this mummy gig is doing my head in at the moment) but generally thankful that my life is so full of beautiful people (including my kids, easy to say now that they are asleep)

I Want to Believe

2011-03-01T08:19:00.000+11:00

Love it!! I want one for the kids bedroom wall. Who am I kidding I want one for MY wall.

(taken from girl gone geeks blog, who took it from someone else's)