Transformation

I am not the mother I thought I would be; I come from a long line of what are considered main stream mothers;
Give me that wonderful epidural,
Birth is to be endured,
A child in your bed will never get out,
Bottle is as good a breast,
When a child misbehaves (as they will because children are innately naughty) you yell, smack and bring them into line.

My mother was actually not like that, but she died before I got a chance to notice her ideals, did she think epidurals were a girls best friend, or that children needed to be in prams not slings? I’ll never know.

I am not the mother I thought I would be, I am something altogether different
I didn’t want the ‘amazing’ epidural I wanted to feel and experience every part of the birth of my child,
Birth was not something to endure it was something to revel in.
Once I held my child I couldn’t imagine him being further away from me than the other side of my skin we sleep chest to chest,
I carried him always,
I breastfeed him still 3 years later as I now feed his brother,
I fight every urge to smack or yell or shame him at all, this part is the hardest I am unlearning it slowly.

I am not the mother I thought I would be, I will continue to unlearn that but hopefully if I continue to listen to my children they will help me become I am the mother I want to be, some days I already am