When mum died a friend of mine who's father had died a year before told me that he was starting to learn what his fathers death gave him. He went on to say that as he discovered what he had been given, the truth was that given the choice he wouldn't change the fact that his father had died. I know it sound a harsh thing to say but i have always known it to be true.
Over the years i have seen what mums death gave me, the main thing being the growth it sparked and the changes my life took because of that growth, and i can say, with a tear that i wouldn't change the fact that she died, i wouldn't give back what i have gained to have her here, as hard and sad and empty i sometimes feel about the loss of her, what i have gained is so huge, beautiful, and amazing i wouldn't want to do anything that could change it.
I have an Aunt who was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 years ago, watching her go through this process is so inspiring, once she accepted the diagnosis her life change dramatically, she healed and learnt and shared on a level that most people never see. Watching as our family also grow through this challenging time is also amazing, the closeness and support we have given each other and the selflessness it has brought is so admirable. We are all closer on a deeper level than before. I wonder when my Aunt passes away what we will all have gained by being a part of this process with her.
Funnily enough I'm actually a creature of habit, ask our local Thai takeaway, we have ordered from the same place once every week for 6 years and i, for the most part have had the same dish.
I also think about my week and how i without thinking can tell you mostly what i do each day. Friday for example i go to the magic yellow bus, i try and leave a bit early (9.20am instead of 9.30am) so that i can get 'that' parking spot under the tree so that after our play the car is in the shade.
My wish for people is that they can learn and grow through these changes, and that i can do it better as well, but please don't park in my car space or I'll have a freak out ...... not all change is good :)