Its a fine line they say, between pleasure and pain. That perfectly describes my feelings about 'the park'. Being the mother of two boys in the inner west means that the park is something we do multiple times a week.
There are many type of parks (pre kids who knew this) there are the under 3 parks, the sand pit parks, the big kid parks, fenced park, the unfenced park, the trying to do something new, and the trying to keep something old types of park and everything in between.
I strongly dislike the park, I don't like the social aspect, I don't like dealing with kids trying to learn to share the see-saw or only go one way on the slide, and don't get me started on the swing, I think I could go as far as saying I hate the swings, they cause more biff than any other structure in the park, plus the parent has to stand there pushing for 1/2 an hour while the child just sits and enjoys the ride, its like the parks version of TV
The problem is that we live in the city, and we have two boys and they need places to run and congregate with other children. If its timed well being in the park with a friend can be some of the only time I get where you can have a uninterrupted conversation, at the wrong time you don't get to talk to anyone because of above mentioned swing related biffo.
So I need the park but loathe the park and fear that if we moved to the country I might find myself missing the park, like some crack addict who hates it but needs it or he feels his life will end.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Its a fine line they say, between pleasure and pain. That perfectly describes my feelings about 'the park'. Being the mother of two boys in the inner west means that the park is something we do multiple times a week.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Today as I stopped to get petrol on my way to Camden I remembered that I had wanted to check my oil. I had gone to an unfamiliar service station (ha service as if) and as I looked I realised that I had no idea what oil to use for this car and I was a little uncertain as to where to put it. I checked and it was very low but as I looked at the 10 types of oils and the place that I figured I was meant to put it I still didn't feel confident. I decided that I was going to have to ask someone for help.
Now before you get any ideas about me being some, throw my hands up and ask a man to do it, kind of woman I want to mention that when I was younger I once changed my own oil filter, I often rotated my tyres, knew how to push start my car and knew how to break into it when I locked the keys in, I could change wiper blades, fill the battery with water and do all manner of other non car related mechanical tasks.
Somehow I have forgotten a lot of the how to's and as my cars have got newer they have gotten more complicated.
So here I was needing to get this done with Hamish getting impatient in the car, I looked at all of the other people putting petrol in and didn't see anyone that had that 'sure I'd be happy to help you' look about them.
It was then that I noticed that the service (ha) station was one of those that has a mechanic attached. I wandered over and there was a guy about my age fixing a car. I said something along the lines of excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me, I'm not sure what oil to put in my car its sort of new (slight white lie) he looked at me as if I had three heads and asked me what mileage it had done.
I'm not sure if I'm living on some other planet but is this a number most people know, is it like your license number or your best friends mobile number? Do most people have this stored in their heads?
I checked (55,000 so you know) and he told me the oil, all the while looking very put out that I was interfering in his work day. When I then said, is there any way you could just check for me that I am going to put it in the right place he looked like I had just asked him to recondition my engine, audibly huffed and wandered over.
In the end he put the oil in for me, I think he ripped me off telling me to buy two bottles when I only needed one but I guess that's what you have to put up with if you are going to rely on strangers to help you. After it was done I smiled and said thanks, I made a joke about changing oil filters in my younger years, he didn't believe me, frankly I almost couldn't believe it myself.
How did I get here? How did I become the woman who had to run to a stranger for something so easy?
On the drive out I decided it wasn't good enough. I needed to get on top of this whole car thing so that I didn't need to bow down to some grumpy guy to help me with the upkeep of my car.
Once I got to Camden I had talked myself into popping into another service station and changing the fuse that had blown with the coins in the radio incident.
I parked and looked for the fuse box, and I looked and I looked. I didn't know where the bloody fuse box was. Hamish was getting impatient, I popped the hood thinking, there's no way its under the bonnet but yeeha there it was. I confidently I walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, can I have a 7.5 fuse please, she passed it to me and I walked out.
Wrong size, bugger,I went back in and looked at the box, I told her I needed another size and did she have any pliers so I could get the other one out. Then from behind me a guy who was around my age said, would you like any help?
Now I have never changed a fuse before, I was sure it was easy, but I also I was a bit worried about trying something I wasn't totally sure about, I audibly huffed smiled and said thanks if you wouldn't mind quickly checking what I'm doing that would be great? He offered to do it, but I mentioned that I would rather do it myself. And in the end I was grateful he was there, the stereo didn't work and I would not have been 100% that I had done it right had he not checked it.
So I learned something, even if you feel like a duffer its best to ask instead of worrying that you've done it wrong.
I also learnt that I still need to figure out basic maintenance of my vehicle. And lastly in spite of Mr Grumpy mechanic chivalry isn't dead and being appreciative of it doesn't make me less of a feminist, I still changed that bloody fuse my myself, even if a man checked it for me! Actually what was the point of this post, I might slink of quietly and go and read the car manual again
Sunday, 27 July 2008
I had my second client a few weeks ago and I'm pleased to say she was really happy with the job I did. One of the unexpected things that happened due to the fact that she was pleased is that she has recommended me to some of her friends.
Now from a business side of things that's great the problem is that the business side of things are far from organised. I don't have a business name or any sort of business identity, I have an ideology and a plan but its all moving faster than I expected.
I had no plans to look for my training births yet, I felt that I was going to slowly do my course until January next year and then maybe I would start looking to find some woman willing to have me at their birth. As it stands today I have completed the hardest part of my course (the births) and just have the reading and writing components left. As far as having a business goes.
So creative beautiful blog reading people, I'm calling out for help with name ideas, I want the name to encompass me and what I believe in in relation to pregnancy and birth (ie natural normal healthy)
Once I have your ideas I will put them in with mine and hopefully figure out a name I think is right for both the Doula and Childbirth Education components
Then after I have all of that set up and organised I had better endeavor to complete the course :)
Friday, 25 July 2008
Dinner time is such a trial at the moment. It used to be easy, pretty much whatever I put in front of Jack he would eat, but something happened at three and suddenly he became very picky.
A wise woman I know once said that she just makes sure that she puts good healthy choices in front of them and if they don't eat then she knows she did the best she could. I agree wholeheartedly with that but the problem then becomes that the children wake before the crack of dawn (3.30am - 4.00am) hungry!!
So what is the answer, I feel I am at the cross roads that face all parents, do I only offer the safe choices? do I let them wake? do I let them eat whatever they feel like? Or do I bribe or cajole them to eat the healthy options until they become familiar enough that they are the easy option?
All in all the last few weeks have been a trial between the hours of 5.30pm and 7.00pm and my brain has no more ideas. I have tried all of the above ideas even the bribing which is something I never thought that I would do.
A girlfriend of mine recently made a decision to give her child something to help them all get some sleep. She said to me that I would never have done that, and I said to her with all honesty that I had never been where she is and I know enough to never think I know what I am capable of doing until I am in that position.
So what next, more bribes and threats? letting the small amount of foods they are interested in dwindle further? the early mornings and breast feeding throughout the night to fill tummies is really starting to wear all of us all down.
I guess this is just a blogging vent, a quiet place to tell the cosmos that if they have any ideas now is the time to plant them so we can find a more peaceful space about this stuff.
In the meantime, I might ask Andrew to come up with new ideas for night eating ....... If only he could grow boobs! But hang on then I would have to get up early so that's not gonna work either.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Those who know me will vouch for the fact that I am openly and some may say overly emotional person. I cry easily, I think I laugh easily as well, I have been known to get angry easily, and I love easily.
It is for this reason that I can't decide if I love my iPod or if I should consider it my arch nemesis.
Recently the kids decided to use my car stereo as a piggy bank, it was all fine because they had also inserted the Triple J sticker I have been meaning to stick on my car for 4 years, and it was creating a barrier between all the metal coins and the metal pieces in the stereo. That was until I, in my infinite wisdom decided to pull the out Triple J sticker with the pair of tweezers I had just liberated from the stereo. Funnily enough I was listening to Triple J at the time and suddenly pop the whole stereo went quiet and black
Anyway I digress, the point is that my car stereo is no longer working and I have been using my little iPod shuffle more than usual.
Now the problem (or the plus depending on my mood) with the iPod shuffle is that it has no screen, you are just sitting there at the mercy of what your iPod has in store for you.
So often my iPod decides to play me a bunch of songs that create a mood or recreate an era of my life. Its the weird part about my iPod it seems to conspire to make me feel, not entirely the best thing in the hands of an emotional being like myself.
Sometimes it will pick the most wonderfully happy joyous songs that make me want to jump up and dance and sing. I look at my little shuffle and I am so thankful that I don't know what's coming, knowing that I love all of the music I own, enjoying every minute of the ride my iPod has taken me on.
Then other times when I am feeling sad, or when I am driving to Camden the music will become slow and melodic. All of the songs will remind me of friends lost and times past, they will sing about being alone, or about death of life and love. I look at my little shuffle and I see the overly emotional me's nemesis, I wonder how it reads my mind and why all of my music are these sad sad sad songs.
In the end, I love the part of me that is emotional, I understand that that might make it interesting to be around me sometimes, and that my boys like there father might have to learn to read me as I learn to control them. It might be better for all involved if I get my stereo fixed though and save my iPod for times when I am feeling happy, maybe then it will stop reading my mind :)
Sunday, 20 July 2008
Is it just me or are there striking similarities between the pilgrims and the body snatchers?
* They stand is well organised groups waiting for orders
* there a few who seem to have more knowledge than the. rest
* They try and infect you maybe not by taking over your body, (they want you soul) but by using cheery disposition; there was just a hundred of them walking past with placards singing Hallelujah.
Maybe Andrew shouldn't have parked me across from the Radisson which is apparently filled with Bishops, Cardinals etc wearing pink, red and yellow caps.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for religious expression, I don't even mind them closing off the city. I just wish they would stop standing in groups looking like they are about to pounce on me and attach a parasite to the back of my neck ..... I'm going to hell aren't I.
Its been a while since I talked about where I live, but as I was driving through Newtown I was struck by some of the Sunday afternoon characters.
When I pointed out one of these characters to a friend recently she looked shocked and said that she didn't think I was the sort of person to point out peoples difference.
It was an interesting comment and it shows our different perceptions. I feel that part of reveling in our community is by noticing peoples difference, accepting them and thinking that they add to the wonderful colour of where we live.
Take peoples race, I understand that there is a way of thinking that says that by noticing peoples difference you are not really accepting them, if that's the case then I guess I am racist. I do notice peoples skin colour I just don't think that I judge much other than there heritage by it.
The same goes for the colourful people around us, sure if you wear a top hat and tails with jeans and walk up and down the main street I might think that you are making different choices than I am, or even that maybe you are a little nuts, but I think that I still accept that's who you are and that you are part of the unconventional, always changing, inspirational group of people that helped me listen to my inner voice and become who I am on the inside show on the outside as well.
Today, there was a gaggle of goths and a grungy young guy carrying a copy of a book called weird wisdom, there were a myriad of new mums with $1000 prams, a heavy metal, pierced and tattooed guy in a hotted up wheelchair, a bunch of pilgrims, an artist painting technoart in the square, a man with skin the exact colour of dark chocolate, dreadlocks of all shapes, sizes and colour and a dyke on a very shiny tricked out Harley.
Ahhh I love where we live, I love the colour, the madness, the diversity and these things will be what I search for in whatever community we live in, I hope my boys learn to love and accept that diversity as well.
Saturday, 19 July 2008
My beautiful friend came over wearing his big red puffy jacket, after spending the evening laughing at it, I thought it deserved its own blog entry.
Plus who else remembers the episode of Seinfeld where George wears a puffy jacket into a liquor shop and its so puffy he bumps into some bottles and they break, he has no money so has to give the shop keeper the puffy jacket as payment
So tonights post is dedicated to Antonys big red puffy jacket functional 'yes' warm 'no doubt' great for a laugh 'absolutely' smiles and kisses Antony to you and your puffy jacket
Friday, 18 July 2008
He has a huge giddy fan base who fall in love with Joss's great storyline ideas, casting and scripts, in fact if you ask me (and a lot of other fans) the best part about his shows is the quick and witty banter between the characters.
Dr Horrible is Joss's latest adventure, he has brought it out in the form of 3 free online mini episodes. Without giving any spoilers the goofy star and Dr horrible himself is Neil Patrick Harris from the gone but not forgotten Doogie Howser MD. Nathan Fillion who has appeared is both Buffy and was the lead in Firefly is Dr Horribles nemesis Captain Hammer (aka the corporate tool)
And as the name suggests it is a musical, now don't let that put you off, so far it is well written funny and musically delightful, I can't see how in the last 15 minutes it intends to wrap up everything that it has started and at a very short 45 minutes I'm pretty sure it will leave fans wishing for more.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
The idea started with me meeting interesting people on the street and wondering about who they were and what they were into, I wanted to learn something new about the place we live and the people I meet.
I don't know if I will be brave enough to talk to the top hat and tails guy from the cafe but ill start with people I know and work up to it.
So firstly I met up with Nick last Friday, he is one of my oldest friends, we met through Catriona and her family when I was eight. So while we were having a beer I thought he was the perfect person for a Faceoff Friday.
- What's in your ipod/cd player? Josh Pyke I love the literal story telling in his songs and Elliot Smith his sound is so haunting
- What are two things you would want people to know about you? I don't know if I want people to know anything about me
- Would you rather read listen or watch? listen read then watch
- Whats one of the top things on your do before you die list? Travel, everywhere
- What would your 6 word memoirs be? I can't think, they will be song lyrics I just have to think of some that are appropriate ** Update** One day I'm gonna grow wings
- What else do you think I should ask people? (At this point we got stopped by a weird guy at the pub who had been listening to our conversation, which had branched into talking about Facebook, to tell us that Facebook is owned by the CIA and that they are tracking us through our communications and then proceeded to stare at his friend that was sitting at another table and then stare back at us.
Nick not being used to the usual weirdos in Newtown decided a table move was in order and that was the end of question time.
So that's it, I guess as time goes on there will be more questions but then this could be the first of a long line of one so we'll see.
Oh and apparently just because I call it Faceoff Friday doesn't mean I'll actually post it on a Friday, I will try though ......... Promise
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
I need more time, I have so many things on my plate on the moment and I can't figure out how to get it all done.
+ I need to blog (this doesn't really count) and I have a load of cool thing to share :)
+ I have a birth story to write for the birth that I attended on the weekend and it will be a long one
+ I have a book that I need to read and review for Birthings, I haven't started and it needs to be submitted for publishing by the first week of August
+ I have A LOT of washing and folding to do
+ I have to clean and organised 300 photos from the birth and today at Libby's
+ I need to sleep to catch up from above birth and 2 nights without Andrew
+ I have to plan Hamish's Birthday Party, its going to be a small gathering with a bit of a Dora the Explorer theme seeing that that is his favorite and his best
And then there is the crappy TV I want to vege out in front of, the study I need to finish/start/stop procrastinating about, the whole house needs a good scrub, the friends who need/want some attention, I need some time out and the kids need some mummy time.
There are just enough hours in the day and as much as I enjoy the reading and writing and being with the people I love more it seems easier to find time for crappy TV because it takes no effort. I guess I need to address the sleep and then the rest of the list might not seem so overwhelming, wish me a good night.
Friday, 11 July 2008
The warm cave of our bed
Lying between my two hearts
Chest to chest to back
I slumber lightly
Aware of each breath on my neck
Each sigh in my ears
And each body that rhythmically turns
Searching for me or each other
In every touched out moment
I will remember my cave
And the peace found within
I will remember the feel
of those searching hands
Even in slumber I am loved
I am needed I am comfort
I am their hearts too
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
Jack has always liked dinosaurs, ever since he's been old enough to be 'into' anything, dinosaurs have been a favorite. As much as we have had conversations about the fact that dinosaurs are extinct today was the first time that Jack seemed to understand what that meant and so we had another long conversation about where the Dinosaurs are
Jack - Mummy can I see a dinosaur?
Me - No darling a long time ago a big comet crashed into our planet and it got really cold it was called an Ice Age
Jack - Like the movie
Me - Yep but unlike the movie it got sooo cold that all the dinosaurs died
Jack was quiet for a while then he said
Jack - Mummy I don't think all the dinosaurs died
Me - Yes baby they did
Jack - No mummy they didn't
Me - How come
Jack - They put on jumpers
There is really nothing you can say to that, well nothing that wouldn't crush his little spirit.
1. Models Inc - this was the first show that I was ever a fan of (come on I was 14) that was cancelled with a cliff hanger, I was devastated.
We have a dozen cups at least, and while I don't feel I am particular about many things I have a favourite cup to have my coffee out of.
So why, when there are other cups on the shelf does Andrew insist on using my cup. Is it just forgetfulness, does he not realise the importance of coffee/milk/sugar balance that my coffee cup so perfectly provides or is it his subtle way to screw with my head?
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
Monday, 7 July 2008
I have been taking a lot of photos in the last few months, one if the interesting this about seeing yourself in a photo is that you are often caught at angles you don't normally see, you haven't had a chance to preen and adjust your posture the way you do when you look in the mirror.
I have noticed in these photos that my face is showing signs of looking older and my body is showing signs of having been pregnant twice.
I have a few wrinkles coming in around my eyes and forehead, I am starting to see the familiar signs of the family double chin and spare tire. My boobs have been affected by gravity and breast feeding two children. All in all my body does not look as young or supple or lean as it did just 4 years ago.
Its interesting as a woman to think about how far I am willing to go to feel good about my face and body, my ideals about cosmetic surgery and growing old gracefully start to come under scrutiny.
Would I have botox, or a chin lift, a boob lift, chemical peel, or liposuction. The answer used to be an unequivocal no, but these days saying no means something else, because I have started down the aging path and this is just the beginning.
I do believe in accepting the way my body changes and as long as I am staying healthy, keeping my weight under control and looking after my skin then the rest is just the way my life will write its story on my body, but learning how to accept the reality of aging, THAT will be an interesting process.
So as I look at these photos and see the story my life has taken on my body so far I wonder how cool headed and certain I will feel about my 'growing old gracefully' stance and how will I learn to accept the thing I don't like about the way my body is changing?
Sunday, 6 July 2008
It was beautiful weather last weekend and as we drove across Gladesville bridge to Andrews favorite fishing spot and my favorite chill out in the city spot, Andrew looked at the water and said that he feels a knot in his stomach on beautiful days when drive we past the water and he realises how much he wants to be on a boat, he went on to talk about how he thought it was a shame that we lived on the doorstep of one of the most beautiful harbours in the world and at best once a month we go and look at it, let alone actually getting out on the water.
My response was not at all lady like or even profound I said "oh my god babe, go and buy a f***ing boat, lifes too short to feel that passionately about something and not go for it."
!! Life IS too short !!
My mum only lived another 16 years from Andrews age. Scary huh, hopefully one of the things that come out of mum dying young is that it will help teach those that knew her that time should not be wasted being filled with regrets and ill do it one days.
So no we haven't brought a boat yet, and no I don't much want a boat, but part of loving someone is helping them chase their dreams, so we are trying to make Andrews 'one day' be this winter.
When will your one day be?
Saturday, 5 July 2008
Driving in the city today, a P plater in a SUV crossed into our lane and Andrew beeped him, the P plater then proceeded to give Andrew the finger.
It made me wonder is flipping the bird a dying art? As I gave him the finger back and yelled (from inside a closed car, we don't want to be shot in a road rage incident) "learn to drive and then come to the city you idiot" I realised the bird is far more eloquent than I am :)
Friday, 4 July 2008
Me: (busily watching the bonfire and probably not giving the situation enough attention) Probably snot honey or *grin* it could be your brains
(Jack laughs and snuggles on my lap to go to sleep)
Jack: (sits up looking scared) Mummy there really is something in my nose
Me: (now paying attention) Blow you nose
(Jack blows his nose)
Me: (now panicked for him as I see a black thing in his nose i hold his head and out comes a small black rubber disk) Babe when did you put that up you nose
Jack: Um when I was watching my movie, before dinner
Me: Baby you really can't put things up your nose, if mummy wasn't able to get that out we would have needed a doctor
Jack: But what is the hole there for then?
How do we ever survive the toddler years?
The wonderful people at blogger have said that I can blog straight from my email so let's see how this works. If it all goes well then suddenly I could blog more often hopefully. If I'm right there should be a picture of Jack playing on the rocket as well.
So here goes......
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Forget Where the Hell is Matt?, i want to know Who the Hell is Matt and why? but still i now so want to go to all of those places and see if people will dance with me. I am going to have to look at more of his stuff for the who and why answers i think :)
I recommend watching it in High Resolution,
Once I drove her though I was in love, I had the fastest car of all of my friend bar one, she zoomed round corners and in the end I credit her with her with making me the driver I am today. Then one day she just stopped, engine seized never to be driven again, we had to pay a junk yard $50 to come and get her.
My next car was a 1983 Gallant station wagon, bright orange it had plenty of room for our dogs, my pride and joy until I crashed up the back of a woman outside of the pet food barn two weeks later. I couldn't afford to get it fixed and to make things worse my boyfriend thought it was in reverse when it wasn't and he drove into a pole.
I used to be able to drive for 20 minutes before I had to stop and refill the leaking radiator. Then one night I had a lot to drink and caught a cab home, the next morning when I went to pick it up from the station it was missing.
It was found 3 weeks later at Cabramatta station with a bag of rotten bananas inside, I had brought a new car by the time they found it so we sold it to a friend of my Uncles.
My new car was probably my least favorite car just because it was boring and a bit ugly, it was a storm blue Ford Laser. One day while parked at a ferry station at night (I didn't learn form the last car) someone keyed it, they didn't just run a key down the side they scratched swear words into each panel and drew a penis on the bonnet with 'suck my dick' scratched underneath.
Again I couldn't afford to get it fixed, and lived with it like that for a few months (including the week i had interviews at Compaq and Microsoft where I had to drive into car parks filled with BMWs and other luxury cars)
One rainy day I was driving through Leichhardt and a car pulled out in from of me, I ran into them and my car, thankfully, was written off through no fault of my own
The problem was that I didn't get much money back from insurance and struggled to buy another car, Andrew took me to Parramatta road and we brought a white Toyota Corolla with a beige interior. I didn't like it when we brought it but it was cheap and Andrew convinced me that it was a good car.
Sure enough I loved this car, it was such a work horse, with all the driving and bumping into thing I did it just kept going and going, and by the time I gave it to my Uncle because we were moving to Singapore I had still not needed to get anything fixed
When we got back to Sydney purse strings were tight and we shared a car for about 6 months, it didn't really work, I'm not much of a walker and there was no public transport between where I worked and where I lived.
We ended up getting me my dream car, a black, soft top Suzuki Vitara, I was over the moon that I finally had a groovy car, I drove it with the top 1/2 down even in the rain and I thought I would have it forever.
When I fell pregnant with Jack I went looking for the anchor point in the back and realised it didn't have one, I did some research and they were not recommended for carrying car seats because the back seats were removable and it was only a 2 door car, after lots of heartache we decided to sell it and buy a 'family' car
And that's were I am now, I have a shiny red Honda CRV. Its a great car, it has air con, a CD stacker, enough room for 3 kids 2 dogs and 2 adults, its has power steering and central locking and its my first ever Automatic. Its the perfect busy mums car and it has just become my longest owned car. I drive so much less these days but my need for safety and reliability in a car is so much greater.
So tonight little reflection is dedicated to all of my cars, who have been somewhat an extension of my home, especially my lovely CRV, its a bit of a soccer mums car, but I can live with that :)