Sounds Like?

When looking at schools one of the things that drew me to Jacks school was the strong music program. I was excited for my kids to have the opportunity to play in a band or solo if that was the thing they were interested in.
Then once we started I realised that they weren't really able to play anything but percussion instruments until they were in year two. It felt like a long way away.
But Jack is in year 2 this year and today was musical try outs. What was awesome was that it wasn't the kids trying out for a place (like an audition). Instead the music department pulled out all of the instruments and told the kids to have at it! Try everything, see if there is anything that you enjoy and would like to take further, or if you don't feel like this is your year, come back to it next year.
They had timpanies, drum kits, keyboards and piano, saxophones, violins, flutes, clarinets, trumpets, trombones, percussion, and a lone cello.
Jack started off feeling very nervous, but seeing that they had older kids showing the younger ones how to positions their mouths or hold the instrument Jack quickly relaxed and wandered from space to space listening and trying.
And you know what, I was jealous! I wish that this access to instruments of all shapes and sizes was something that had been available to me when I was young.
So this morning we found out that the cello, violin and drums weren't Jacks 'thing'. As he tried the trumpet he got such a lovely clear sound straight away that even the music teacher was surprised (ohh how I would love for him to choose the trumpet, but I felt forced to play the trumpet when I was young and so no pressure).
I got such a huge rush from watching him trying all of these things, and hope he chooses to join. But also will not push it. He has already said that he would like a guitar, which will be a very belated birthday present. And he regularly picks up his (on loan) saxophone, but it's still a bit to big for him to really get into it.
It was a mummy moment worth bottling and an experience I think he will keep with him for a long time to come. And if he decided this year isn't his year or that playing in a ensemble isn't his thing then at least he has had the opportunity.
Watching - Sherlock S2.
Listening - Other than Jack on the cello I have an obsession with The xx at the moment.
Reading - Fahrenheit 451
State of mind - All tingly and so proud of both my boys. I may need to be reminded of this later in the week :)

School Girl Crush

When I was in junior primary school I had a crush on one of the boys in my class. Actually most of the girls had a crush on the same boy. I remember all of us chasing him in a game of catch and kiss and him getting so overwhelmed by the attention that he burst into tears.
I'm purposefully reminding myself of this story today because it has become apparent to me that there is a little girl in Jacks class that has a crush on him, and if I'm honest it's freaking me out.
He, in true Jack style, is completely oblivious. To him girls are just other cool people you hang out with at school when your sick of playing the games your guy friends play. He is so very very far from crushes.
Now I like this little girl very much. She is ballsy, and being the youngest after three brothers, she's outspoken, knows more about things like popular music and teen idols than most of the kids I've met. And apparently she gets what boy-girl relationships are 'supposed' to be about.
At Jacks sixth birthday party she arrived and had Jack written on her leg in pen with a love heart around it. I thought it was hilarious and also a bit more advanced than I had thought six year old kids were on average. This year they are in class again and the other day she invited Jack to her birthday party. It was a giggly affair as she handed over the invite and then as she walked off I heard her say to her friend "Oh my god, his hair is soooo cool".
Ummm ok ...
Then this morning she and one of her friends were talking to me and as I said that Jack was really looking forward to coming to her party her friend started to giggle and said in an excited tone "did you invite him?". The little crush girl smirked said yeah, then they both wandered off giggling and whispering looking back at Jack.
Oh My God!!!
So I'm reminding myself that I too had a little school girl crush when I wasn't much older than these kids are now, and it didn't turn into anything (mind you I am wondering if the boy we made cry was traumatized).
And of course when I told AB he was kind of chuffed and didn't at all get my mumma bear reaction ... the difference between men and women or fathers and sons?
They are growing so fast and sure it's all normal and expected, but today I am imagining him with girlfriends, kissing and heartbreak and wondering about this whole parenting thing and the directions it takes you in.
Remind me to get this little girls phone number, I may need to talk to her parents. (joking of course! .... mostly)
Watching - the miraculous event of a woman giving birth and a man becoming a father. What a lucky woman I am.
Listening - Aliens. I know I should be watching it but I'm to busy blogging.
Reading - Birth plan notes and the last chapter of Road to Perdido.
State of mind - a bit hyper after a birth but soooo glad to be off call and enjoying a glass of wine.

It's Cool! Seriously!

I've been feeling really centered about the fact that Hamish starts school this week.  He's so excited that he has already packed his bag, decorated his library bag and told me exactly what he wants in his lunchbox for the first day.  And it's contagious.  Our whole household is buzzing with happy 'Hamish is starting school' vibes.

Until last night.  It's been a hot humid few days in Sydney, and in our old double brick house it means that sleep (upstairs) is almost impossible.  So as I lay there trying to get some sleep, I pondered on the whole school thing.  And yes I am excited, and yes I do think that he is ready and will be fine but I had forgotten something.  I had forgotten how much that first year of school changes them.

Jack was also excited about school and he fit into the whole thing really well, but by about 1/2 way through the year I noticed how much older he seemed.  He was more self assured, he needed me less, and although he was still my little man, he was also developing in a direction that I had no control over.  And that's a good thing.  But its also challenging.

So on Thursday my littlest man starts on the same journey.  By the end of this year, Hamish will be able to read.  He will be more independent, more grown-up, he will be a very different version of the boy that I send off to school in a few days..  And yes I am excited, but I am also feeling aware that this is the beginning of him becoming, even more, the Hamish he is without me.

I guess I should be used to the kids growing up by now!!

Conversations with a 6.5 yr old - Faith

Jack - Mum what do you believe in?
Me - What do you mean?
J - I mean Buddhism, God ... I know you don't believe in God but what do you believe in?
Me - I believe a mixture of things. What do you believe?
J - I believe in Buddhism, 99%
Me - That's good babe, it's always good to leave enough space in what you believe to ask questions. Do you believe in reincarnation?
Jack - I think so, we might need more time and to experience being an animal or a bug. I hope next time I come back as a dragon!! There could be dragons in China? ... Or anywhere? No one knows everything, not even scientists.

(Mind you the whole conversation led to me talking about sponges and how they used to pull them out from the sea and use them in the bath. To which he replied "Really! Did they used to do that in your time". I laughed and he asked what was funny and I said "I don't feel so old but I guess to you I am". Of course his reply was "Yeah you do seem old to me, but that's ok mum, 34 is a lot older than almost 7")

Brotherly Love?

My boys are completely besotted with each other. The amount of love and care that they often show each other astounds me. At 3.5 Jacks way of caring for his brother at preschool was something most of the teachers pulled me aside and praised. At 4 Hamish's way of sticking up for his brother when other children or I were fighting with him was beautiful to watch.

That's my disclaimer to this post. Because of course my kids also fight like cats and dogs. Now don't get me wrong, I know this is normal and that as children who spend so much time together it's expected. I have even spoken to them about the fact that most families have some fighting in them and that it's normal and doesn't mean that we don't all love each other.

They actually fight a lot less than they used to as they get older, they seem to be getting better at working together to come to a solution they are both happy with. And it's with relief (for all of us) that these days when they do fight it's a lot less physical, so although they do sometimes escalate to the point of thumping one another, it more often just yelling and screaming or using harsh tones and mean words. It's not an every day thing, it's not even an every few days thing but when it happens it's almost always something like this;

It's my turn, no it's mine, no, yes, no, yes, nonononono, yesyesyesyes, NOOO, YESSSS .... MUUUUUM!!! He won't, MUUUUM!!! He won't either ....... MUUUUUM!!! (but the whole thing goes for at least 5 minutes)

And I then usually intervene, trying without taking sides to find some middle ground. Sometimes this winds up with me yelling as well, or threatening to take the object or activity of contention away. In the end we are all cranky with each other and nothing is really resolved.

I'm trying something new these days. At times when everyone is happy I am talking to them about both trying to see when their behaviour is about to lead to a fight. And also the idea that instead of relying on me to mediate, finding a way to stop themselves.

We talk about the ideas of ignoring annoying behavior so that they don't find it annoying in the first place. We talk about walking away so that they can have a break from each other. We talk about trying to negotiate with each other and come to a compromise.

Mostly we talk about the fact that AB and I don't want to have to be put in the middle of an argument between our two favourite people in the world and how we hope that as they grow and get older they will learn to sort things out without them both getting so mad at each other.

As two people raising sibling but never having siblings themselves it's an interesting thing to watch. I often wish I had a sibling so that I could have some reference point. What did my parents do? How did it affect my relationship with my siblings? Etc. Having the insight might not help us much as I think it would, but at least I'd have another sibling relationship to get ideas from.

Anyway, my new way of dealing with it certainly isn't an instant success but I think as it goes on the arguments are getting sorted out more often between themselves. I'm feeling positive about this course of action as it feels like I am giving them skills for conflict resolution and hopefully this will help them more and more as time goes on.

I wonder what other parent do? Or what your parents did with your siblings? Can you actually identify any reasons you do or do not have good relationships with your siblings? Is there one big answer? Probably not.

In the end I'm sure my kids have an amazing and loving relationship and I believe that it will always be that way. Time will tell I guess and at least this way there is a lot less MUUUUMMMMM!!

Watching - Big Bang new eps
Reading - Still on Sandman
Listening - Yesss, nooo, Yesss, nooo
State of mind - after this mornings sibling disagreement, pretty glad it's a preschool day and the boys have a bit of space from one another.

Sign of the Times

Tonight after watching an ad for the iPhone on the TV, Jack asked me if I liked my phone. I said that I did and then wondered out loud what mobile phones would look like when he was old enough for one.

He looked at me puzzled, and then asked me what I meant, what did mobile phones look like when I first got one?

I mentioned that when I first had a mobile they were bigger and all they did was make phone calls. He looked perplexed and said 'no games?' nup, all it did was make phone calls, you couldn't even send text messages. He looked confused as if the idea was unthinkable.

It's an interesting thought. My kids will think it's normal that almost everyone has a mobile phone, and that they do a multitude of things beyond phone calls. They will never think of a computer as one per family. In fact I wonder if they will even recall that not everyone has a gaming device of some sort, or a multitude of online electricals, or the ability to skype when people are away, and all of the technologies that still seem quiet miraculous to me.

It's a different world for them, as it was a different world for me compared to my parents. And I guess one day they will be having the same thoughts as they watch their kids.

I Believe in Magic

The older I get the harder it is to believe in magic. Its quite a sad state of affairs really, because sometimes I think the older you get the more you need to believe in the things you can't see.

We watched this street performer on the weekend and as I watched the amazement in my kids eyes, I saw a feeling I sometimes sorely miss. I was also wondering, how do I be honest and open with my kids and yet let them believe in magic for as long as possible?

I know I'm not alone, in both aspects. I can think of half a dozen people I know that either still believe or wish they believed in magic. And over a dozen parent that ask the same question, how do I manage to prosper my kids belief in all things magical and unexplained.

I don't just mean magic in it's traditional sense. I also mean things like aliens, vampires, Santa, and the Easter bunny?

Last week I was tidying the space under our stairs (also known as mummy's hidyhole) Jack came in to help and saw some of the leftover Easter eggs that I decided not to put out as 'from the Easter bunny'. He looked at them and said "mum did you put the eggs out for our egg hunt at Easter?".

Now part of me didn't want to lie, but more than that I didn't want to tell the truth so I made up some quick story about them being left over from eggs we gave to other people ... Or something like that.

Then later on in the week Jack lost his second tooth. And as another great parenting trial I fell asleep before slipping the tooth from under his pillow and replacing it with a $1 coin. The next morning Jack came in slightly confused. In my ever quick thinking and slightly disturbed by how easily the little lies come kinda way, I made up some story about how sometimes that happens as the tooth fairy gets really busy some nights.

It's coming isn't it? The time where little mistakes or noticed slights of hand can make their entire childhood wonder and innocence just slip away.

I for one hope it lasts for a good while yet. I'm not ready to watch the wonder and amazement slowly slip from their eyes. I hope I can find words like my parents found that prolongs it for as long as possible.

And if not at least I'm quick thinking enough to come up with a plausible story.

Watching - Battlestar Galactica (remake series) somehow I don't think I ever watched the last three episodes!!

Reading - a lot of comics, Fray (reread), Buffy series 8, and Fables so far.

Listening - having a bit of a James Blake obsession at the moment. It sort of matches my mood, sombre and romantic.

State of mind - getting there, slowly.

Can't Hate Love Stupid

If you look at the media today there is a lot more swearing. It seems that every second show/song has some sort of swear word in it. This generally seems to bother a lot of parents and I can understand why ... And yet swear words are also just words.

When Jack was 3 he was told off by me for doing something or other. He obviously felt the punishment (go inside for a while) was unjust and as he stormed inside he threw his hands in the air and yelled "I'm so fucking frustrated".

I didn't get angry or worried, if anything I was impressed that my three year old could express himself so succinctly (albeit inappropriately). But it made me realize, I swear sometimes and yes sometimes it is in front of the kids.

Later once he had calmed down we had out first conversation about inappropriate language. It's a conversation that has come up now a few times with both children. But the truth is, it is rarely about words that seem to be judged as 'swear' words.

As a parent these days it seems that more and more words are considered 'bad' and truth be told I have less issue with the 'swear' words than a lot of the others. And it seems I am not alone.

One family I know doesn't allow the word 'can't' in their house as they feel the truth is you CAN do anything it's the effort that is often lacking.

In another family the word love is used sparingly, only meant for their immediate family as they feel that it is too often used these days and is watering down the meaning.

Then there are the new swear words, stupid, idiot, moron, hate, shut-up and the ever present and yet totally unexceptable (in our house) bored!!

Truth be told I would rather hear my kids say 'fuck' than say I'm bored, or I hate or call someone stupid. And more and more I don't think I'm alone. Don't get me wrong, my kids don't swear. It's interesting to me that in spite of hearing it in the media or at home somehow they both know that there are ok words and words that aren't.

In fact Jack said I word the other day (wish I could remember what it was, but it was something like damn) and afterward he looked at me thoughtfully and said "mum, is that a bad word? Cause if it was I didn't know". And so we talked about what the word meant and why it's not really one of the words that kids should say, and how maybe we shouldn't use any word it we don't exactly know what it means.

And that was it, we haven't heard a stupid, shit, shut-up or bloody hell out of either of our kids in many months.

And if you ask me if I think they are using these words when they are not around an adult I'd also say no. They seem to have understood the concept well enough that it is ingrained, but the truth is I don't know for sure.

And sure once in a while we will all be singing a song and suddenly I'll realize that the next word is a swear word, but I don't rush to change the channel, but I may well try and mumble my way through it. :)

What are your thoughts on swearing? Do you do it? Do your children? What's on your 'bad' words list?

Watching - True Blood S3 (good to work to)
Reading - The City and The City, China Melville
Listening - after a cranky day last week 'The Wedding Singer' soundtrack
State of mind - relaxed (I love school holidays) tired (thanks to a late night on the weekend) busy (thanks to an extra bit of work that had to be done RIGHT NOW)

PS. The above photo is of the gig I went to on Saturday. It's 'The Herd' and totally appropriate to this post as it is some of their song that my kids like to sing, swear words and all!

Mothers Day (Weekend)

Mothers day? Not likely! This year its been more like mother's week.  Massages from my boys and a masseuse, little notes and drawings from the boys during the lead up, and then there was the weekend.

The in-laws took the kids out for lunch on Saturday and AB and I decided to have an 'us' day in Newtown.  The weather was gorgeous and it was a perfect day for hanging around outside.  

We parked near the park, and once again I took notice of how much I love where we live.  The park was full of dogs and families picnicking, people reading and laughing.  As much as most of us city dwellers miss the backyard space we could have if we moved further out of town, the upside means that we use the green spaces around us.  I love this! AB and I talked about it and he didn't get what I was saying when I gushed over the idea that all these people, although they weren't talking to each other, were spending time in a communal way.  These green spaces seem to bring people together so that even if you were feeling lonely, you couldn't miss that you are a part of something larger. 

We stopped at a pub for a glass of wine and a cider and decided to go and look upstairs at the beer garden.  It was gorgeous up there sitting in the sun.  We sat by the windows that overlooked the street watching the world go by and decided to eat lunch.  A man who was excessively drunk for 1pm came over to chat and both of us smiled as he chatted on about weird stuff and then went off to chat to the next table.  I laughed that even sitting quietly in a pub can give you the opportunity to socialize with your community.

We left and browsed a few book shops and then wandered further up the street to get coffee from my favourite roaster.  I hardly ever go there so grabbing a takeaway and walking back to the car felt like a perfect way to end our us time.

We got home and AB took the time to wash his bike while I read my new comic books.  Some friends and their kids came over about half an hour before our kids came home and we spent the rest of the night talking while the kids played on the street.

Sunday morning arrived and it was present time.  The ring that AB bought me from the kids hadn't arrived (and it needs a whole blog post all of its own) but I was greeted with cuddles, handmade cards, another kiddie massage and the gorgeous (to me) pink and purple stripped mug that Jack picked out from the mother's day stall at school.  Bless, apparently he picked it because I love coffee and now I could have a special mug to drink it out of.  So as I ate my huzby made Eggs Benedict, I drank my coffee from my brand new mug and generally thanked the world for this amazing thing called motherhood.

(OK that's enough of the gushy post for now, but this weeks mother's day really did require some documenting :)

Reading - Kick-Ass, Coraline graphic novel and finishing the Subtle Knife reread

Watching - ummm

Listening - ummm

State of Mind - Gushy (apparently)

Love .....

Tonight Jack made me a card. On the front it had a bunch of flowers and love hearts and said "for mum, love Jack".

Inside it said "I Love you mum I wish I cood make you brecfist"

Be still my heart!

The Facts of Life

When Jack was four he asked me about how babies are made.  And I said something along the lines of;

"Daddy put a seed inside of mummy, and like a plant does, it grew into a baby"

When Jack was around five he asked me how daddy's get the seed inside the mummy's.  And I said something along the lines of;

"You know how mummy's have an egg inside them, well to grow they need some of daddy's sperm to make them into a baby.  So when a mummy and a daddy love each other and want to make a family, daddy puts his penis inside of mummy.  Actually I have this great book, would you like us to read it?"

This lead to some very detailed and interesting questions and answers that lasted a few weeks.

Last week Jack asked me "Mum if Ella has two mum's how was she made, cause she doesn't have a daddy to put sperm in anyone?"

How do you explain single gender parents to a six year old?

Let's just say that after a slight pause on my behalf the answer went something along the lines of;

"Well, umm, ahh, some mummy's need sperm if they don't have a husband that has any sperm.  So they can get it from the doctor.  So Ella's mummy's got some sperm from the doctor and the doctor put it into her vagina, just like a daddy's penis puts it into a mummy's vagina.  Then the same way as the daddy's sperm finds the mummy's egg, the sperm from the syringe that the doctor uses finds its way to the egg and the baby grows"

PHEW!!

Today Jack asked if someone on TV was a man/woman, like those man/woman's we sometimes see?

This whole raising an aware and open child is fantastic, but I have to tell you that I don't quite feel ready to talk to my child about transvestites and alternate gender identification just yet, so I said something along the lines of;

"Maybe ... are you hungry?"

Quiet on the Blog Front

It's been very quiet on the blog these last few weeks.  Firstly we had the pox, and now it's school holiday's.  All in all life hasn't put much in my path that I feel is blogworthy.  I mean realistically I have been almost completely stuck in the house with various amounts of kids for about 6 weeks now (and yes I'm feeling every moment of it but no I haven't gone insane yet).

I have talked with Jack about making a movie quite a lot in the last few months but haven't been able to 1. Get him motivated to start (mostly due to 2.) 2. Haven't been able to come up with a good way to start or do it.

Then yesterday one of the neighbours started talking about making a movie with the kids, stop motion style, using playdough.  The group of 6 kids didn't have the focus to complete (or even really start) the process but Jack was keen when he got home to give it a go.  And so we played with many ideas last night.

Today we had a little friend over for the day, and about 20 minutes before we had to drop her home they started taking photos for a stop motion picture.  It was done in quite a half hearted way and so the photos and clay work were a little rushed.  But after she left I whipped them together and Jack picked out a sound effect. 

He marveled at the outcome and I realised he really didn't understand what the process was going to achieve.  Now he does, he is talking about putting together a longer film and has very specific ideas about the sound effects we should use.

So I thought I would show you their little effort and then hopefully sometime soon I can show you the larger idea that Jack is working on.  Or like so many six year olds he could well loose interest .... only time will tell.

The Dreaded Pox

You know the funny thing about chicken pox? .... Nothing! The truth is that the kids survived their bouts of chicken pox with relatively few issues, but then I got them.

Yes, I have had them before (well at least my blood test during pregnancy said I had had them) but apparently cuddling my pox covered child morning noon and night was more than my immunity could cope with.

So the Sunday before last as I lay in the bath, I noticed a few little spots, I asked the huzby if he thought it was the dreaded pox and he reminded me that I often came up in little red anonymous spots and not to worry. That night as I cuddled pox riddled child number 2 I felt like I had prickly heat. My entire body was prickly but I put it down to my overactive imagination.

Monday morning arrived and I heard AB about to leave for work, I rushed downstairs to have a look at my bod in the full length mirror (figuring if it wasn't my imagination he was going to need to stay home) and sure enough, there were a lot more spots.

Cut to mid afternoon, and picture me walking around the house crying as my whole body felt like a combination of being on fire and like I was laying on a cactus. This went on for about 72 hours until finally the antihistamines kicked in enough to let me sleep and I woke up feeling sore and sick but much less itchy.

Now like everyone I have a certain amount of vanity and the next three days I was thankfully still in quarantine because my entire body including my face was covered in red stingy pustules. I looked as though I had severe acne and everything hurt.

This Monday was my first day officially out of quarantine. All up from Hamish's first spots till my last, we have been in quarantine for a month. It's been a long road. There were actually a lot of fun times with the three of us being stuck in the house but I'm glad for the freedom of children at school and me being able to do small things like run out to get some milk or talk to people on the street.

So the blog has been quiet for a while, but I'm back in the land of the living and feeling like a trooper for having survived the most physically painful thing I have ever had to endure. Now finger, toes and anything else you can think of crossed that AB doesn't get it (he has passed the usual incubation time)!!

Watching - Some new movies, Black Swan (liked it a lot), Skyline (pretty great special effects, ordinary storyline), The Box (worst movie I've seen in a long time) and for the kids, Tangled and Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Tangled wins)

Listening - The Gossip, Lamb, Joan a Policewoman

Reading - About two pages of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell a night. I'm tried and trying to heal so reading isn't high on the agenda

State of mind - Tried, slightly traumatized and so glad that life is headed back to normality.

Owls and Cats and Pompoms ... Oh My!!

A few months ago Jack was having nightmares about a black cat with yellow eyes.  It was disturbing him in a way I've not seen before and so to help him process it I asked him if he could draw the cat for me.  He did.  But then he asked me if I could help him draw a better cat. Because I'm not a drawer I started looking online for some tutorials.

I found a site called Art Projects for Kids.  Its got some great examples of how to draw certain things and prompted a lot of discussion with Jack and Hamish about how drawing things realistically is often about looking for different shapes in an object and putting them all together.  We printed out quiet a few and made our own little 'How to Draw' book.

No one paid much attention to it after that first week but pox week re-inspired both of the boys to try them again.  As I watched I had some worries that they would think that 'the' way to draw was to follow the directions exactly.  But I was especially excited as I watched how they both added their own details.  Also they have both been using the idea of finding shapes in order to draw other pictures. 

Hamish's second owl, "This one is a square owl mummy and its made of fire!"

Jack's cat.  We printed off a lot of different styles of cat and Jack has played around with all of them.  This is my favourite.

Yesterday the boys got into the craft box and Jack found a little pompom.  He's one of those kids that always has treasures in his pockets or stashed in his hand and after an hour I realised he still had this pompom.  Andrew mentioned that mummy could show them how to make pompoms (thanks for that).  At first I thought that this activity would last about 10 minutes but I was surprised that both of them, especially Jack were so excited by the end result that they kept up pompom making all day.  My mum was an avid needleworker and so I have all of her left over yarns in a myriad of colours and had often wondered what I would do with these little bits of coloured wool.  There was something extra special about watching my boys rummage through her stash and find colours that pleased them to make something that was giving them both so much joy.  

By the end of the day we had made 10 pompoms, in an assortment of rainbow colours.  Some were messy and clashed vibrantly and others were soft little circles of gorgeous complimentary colours.  All of them are beautiful.   

And so its official, pox week is over!!  Jack went to school today and Hamish is no longer contagious.  The funny thing is I'm feeling a little sad about it.  I was enjoying having both of the boys home.  Although some days were challenging enough to have me pulling my hair out in frustration, there was something nurturing about the three of us being stuck in the house and trying to find ways of occupying and enjoying each other.  

Saying that I cant wait for next Monday, when I finally get some 'me time'.  Although knowing me I'll probably spend it mopping the floors, I'm also determined to do something nice for myself... maybe a massage or just sitting quietly for an hour.

Reading - Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell,  Second time I've picked this one up, I'm hoping it grabs me this time

Watching - Weeds S5 

Listening -  Art vs Science, Weeds Soundtrack, James Blake Echoes

State of mind - Happy sad and generally peaceful, Ahhhh ....

Chicken Pox and Wobbly Teeth

This week is all about childhood rights of passage. Hamish has chicken pox and Jack has his first wobbly tooth. Both came within an hour of each other.

The chicken poxy boy is doing well. Listening to his body, and to us to find ways to feel more comfortable. We are, of course, quarantined until the pox has passed. And awaiting Mr Wobbly Tooth's pox to start at any moment.

I feel for both the kids, they are so used to freely playing on the street with the other kids and I was worried that they were going to have to listen to everyone playing in front of our house every afternoon. But in a rather funny and slightly overly protective way, it seems that the rest of the streets parents have quarantined their own children as well.

So poor little Hamish looks like he has the plague and Jack is feeling well but is getting crazier by the second because in spite of feeling fine he can't leave the house.

It's going to be a long two weeks.

It's only day three and we have already:

- Used 1/2 the paper in the house to draw, make origami, paper airplanes, print out coloring pages, cut, paint, paste, write cards and generally do artwork until the house looks like a paper mill
- Completed the 20 odd homework sheets I printed off the Internet.
- Made playdough and played with modeling clay
- Watched all the new movies I could find
- Rocked out to some new tunes on the iPod
- Played at least 50 games of UNO, plus Jr scrabble, boggle and snap.
- Painted plaster of paris cats and dogs that my gorgeous neighbor bought for the boys from the $2 shop

Saying that I am feeling so proud of both of them. They are being very caring towards each other and towards me as well. Last night after me praising Hamish for being so brave he told me he was proud of me as well cause I was also being very brave. And he's right, this mummy gig is it's hardest with sick kids. But it also highlights how much mummy can fix, both literally and figuratively.

Watching - Weeds S2
Listening - The National and Kanye West
Reading - Natural healing for Kids, various chicken pox websites and generally browsing the web
State of mind - So far, calm cool and collected, but wait few more days for the meltdown of being cooped up with poxy bored children to begin

Words That Heal the World

I've had a bit of a rough of a week.  Full of ups and downs.  Hamish is going through some growing pains both literally and figuratively.  Jack has a cold and is also trying some new dominant boy types of behaviours.  We have had our second case of nits.  I've been unwell. Andrew is away and generally my brain is going a little topsy turvy.  The week has been filled with some pretty great things as well.  A few are particularly note worthy:

1.  I have some amazing friends.  This week they have dealt with my tears, angst, frustration and moods that have flown in all directions like professional psychotherapists.  It's amazing how a chat, laughing till you need to pee, a well timed text message, a glass of wine, an unexpected cuddle, or the offer to take your kids for an hour can lift the mood of a hard week.

2.  After talking to Jack and Hamish about how I need them to be a little extra chilled and helpful while AB is away Jack said "You know what I can do mum? Just near bedtime, I can look after Hamish and you can go out for dinner with your friends"  Awww bless, I didn't dare tell him that I felt that he was too young and just cuddled and thanked him.

3.  Today I said to Hamish "mummy is feeling like she looks old today" he replied "Let me look at your face mummy ... you don't look old, you look beautiful ... and your face is just a little bit bumpy, but not old".  Nice to know as my wrinkles start to show that my four year old still thinks I'm beautiful (albeit slightly bumpy). I bought him an ice-cream :)

So as of today, including Andrew still being away, finalising the nits problem, Hamish and Jack still having periods when they are challenging, I feel great, and lucky, and all together more together.

Watching - Fringe S3

Listening - The new track from The Herd - Sum of it all, and as always more Temper Trap

Reading - Back into 'Never Say Goodbye'

State of Mind - Still a little bit sick, tired and so very lucky

Choices

Two weeks ago after a hectic morning, in which I did more yelling than I'd like to admit, Jack told me he didn't want to go to school. In a year and a bit of school and three years of preschool this has only happened a handful of times. And each time it has come in conjunction with some sense of the world not being quite right. Either there have been some issue at school the previous day or he and I have had an uncomfortable morning.

After some talking, cuddling and apologizing from me and Jack, he was happy to go to school. But it reminded me, I want him to know that school is a choice.

Sure, it's easier for me to give a kid like him this choice because he is the sort of child that is pretty happy to do 'whatever'. But truly, I don't want either of my children to constantly feel forced by us to do anything especially something as huge and time consuming as school.

After pondering on it for a day I sat Jack down and said,
"did you know, that there are times when mum and Dad don't want to go to work? When that happens we have a day off, so I want you to know if there are days you just don't feel like going to school we could talk about it in the morning and you could have a quiet day at home with me"

Last week after a busy few days I could see how tired Jack was and I decided to offer him the day off to relax and regroup. I told him to think about it for an hour or so and I would ask him again later.

When I got back to him he wanted to know if he could play out on our street. I said he could but that everyone else was out. He thought about it a bit longer and then came back to me and said he wanted to go to school.

This was not something I was prepared for, I mean who gets offered a day off and says no? It was then that I realized that Jack sees school as a fun place where he gets to hangout with his friends. He isn't seeing school the way I remember it. Compared to the 80s, school these days is fun (at least for the time being), they play, they talk, they learn without realising it, and when they do realise it they love it.

I still struggle with school and our decision to send our kids, but it's little things like this that remind me that we made the choice that seemed the best for us and him at the time. And with how much he loves it, it certainly feels right.

Small Things - The Car Wash

Today after dropping Jack off at school I asked Hamish what special thing he would like to do on 'Mummy and Hamish Day'. Without skipping a beat he said "I want to wash the car in one of those squirty things". I knew exactly what he meant but I felt uncomfortable at the idea of spending $10 on a dodgy car wash just to make him happy. Then I remembered, I asked him! If I didn't plan on trying to go along with whatever idea he came up with what was the point? Didn't I ask him so that he felt he had some autonomy when it came to our days activities? So off to the car wash we went and as I fed the $10 into the machine I felt that pang of money down the drain, but it was too late. Then I saw his face, like the photo shows, he was completely amazed and I realised for that look, I'd pay twice as much even if it didn't manage to get the bird poo off the bonnet!

Watching - Nothing exciting. Fringe S1 and new eps of Big Bang, Big Love and Being Human.

Reading - Catching up on blog reading, Girl Gone Geek, Regretsy, and my friends blogs

Listening - Who has any extra time for music beyond the 5 minutes of radio time lol

State of mind - after catching up on the street with a gorgeous albeit fairly new friend who totally 'gets' me and whom I think I 'get' as well, far more like myself ... Phew!

In Your Own Time

Isn't this one of the happiest faces you have ever seen? It's the face of a boy who has just conquered one of his fears.

Since very little Hamish has hated putting any part of his face under the water. He didn't want to blow bubbles, he definitely didn't want to put his ears under the water, but mostly he didn't want to put his eyes under the water.

Swimming with him has been a very different experience than with Jack, who was quiet water confident very young. And while everyone else was doing swimming lessons, Hamish wouldn't even go in past his knees.

This is a country where we value being able to swim (as I do). But I know Hamish, the harder you push, the longer it takes for him to choose to do it.

So we haven't pushed, we let him at his own speed, decide when he was ready. And over these last weeks Hamish has started to try and overcome his fear and put his face in the water.

This week he even asked if I could take him somewhere that he could learn to swim. (of course we will!)

It's been a long and sometimes frustrating road, and I'm guessing it's not over yet. But he will get there, in his own time, in his own way.

I hope I can remember this next time one of my kids doesn't achieve something or conquer something in the time I feel is appropriate. Once again the gentler path, is the easier path and ultimately for them and for me it is a more joyous path. As they learn and achieve under their own steam.

And really, that smile says it all doesn't it?

Watching - Nothing, my hard drive with all our movies and series on it has crashed. Please cross your fingers that everything I have collected over the last 4 years isn't lost. (I have a lot of it backed up but not all the current stuff Argh)

Listening - The sound of 6 children playing in the pool in the backyard (last day of Heatwave #2)

Reading - Sandman Volume 6

State of mind - Hot, worried about the loss of data but generally pretty chilled out.

Sleeping Beauty

Together they lay, sleeping side by side
Hands reaching out for one another and limbs entangled
It used to be me they snuggled against as they slept
But now brothers sleep holding each other
I often watch them as they sleep and try to rearrange them
So as not to wake up with feet in face or legs thrown across backs
But every time I check, they have moved back, snuggled close to each other
And every time I resist the urge to jump back in-between them