Thursday, 12 January 2012

Aging Gracefully ... Mentally

I don't age well ... mentally. Every birthday seems to send me off in this whirlwind of psychosis, worrying about time running out and things left undone.

I think this was exacerbated by mum dying quiet young. She died at 56 and if I die at the same age (which logically I know if highly unlikely) then I only have 21 years left!

So just after a birthday I am filled with a burst of energy to do the things on my life list (bucket list) but also because it kind of messes with my head this extra surge is met with a morbid sadness that makes me want to climb into bed and pull the covers over my head until I'm 25 again. Hence the psychosis!!

I'm cranky at the age gods for slowly eating away at my youth. And yet so amazed at how wonderful my life is that I don't want anything to change. And therein lies the conundrum, even if I had a time machine that could flip me back to my 25 year old self there is very little I would change and so I would probably wind up back here at 35 in the same aging psychosis that I am currently ... maybe I already have?

So whats the point of this post? Nothing really, I don't think there are any words of wisdom to help, I assume as time goes on (and god knows it will) that I will get more 'ok' with the aging process. Maybe I will have that epiphany that so many of my friends have had at 40, that its actually all uphill, not down as it feels at the moment. But as always my blog is a self indulgent way of sharing whatever weird thoughts, interests or events are going on in my head at any given time :)

I wonder, am I the only one who spend moments obsessing about getting older? Does everyone else just take it in their stride? I know it's a waste of energy to worry about something you can't change but I can also see a good side to it. I mean it's not exactly a bad thing to spend some time once a year reevaluating and thinking of ways to make sure you live your life to the fullest potential. And don't worry the psychosis is usually over by February!

Watching - Shameless. I've been watching the US version but am planning on watching the original UK version. And 'Grimm', not rocking my world but worth a look.

Reading - Seeing its the festive season I am really looking for light reading at night so I'm going through a few old Gaiman's.

Listening - Manu Chau, King of the Bongo. And right this second, Sweet Jane by the Cowboy Junkies.

State of Mind - Other than freaking out about my age, generally I'm in good spirits and just feeling so blessed with friends and family.

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