Beaten But Not Beaten Down

These are not the faces of the winning team. These are my teams faces
after loosing their first ever bout by over 100 points. This is why I
have spent the last day on a complete high.

Sound strange?

We went into our first ever tournament this weekend. Not only had we
never really played a proper match, we had never even played on a
proper track. We are a brand new league full of players who have
skated for less than a year. And who have only been playing together
for a few months.

The thing that brought those smiles to our faces is that we know we
left nothing behind. We gave our all during the match and left
everything we had on that track. We were outmatched but we fought and
the score showed that, with more practice, we will have what it takes.

I started the day watching the two teams we were scheduled to play
later that day, play each other HARD v CRDL.

HARD was full of women who were mostly the size of two of our women.
They were big hitters and hard to budge. CRDL were like a precision
flight team. They worked in unison. Talked in numbers for their play
formations and were all amazonian.

CRDL thrashed HARD.

The day was too long and emotional to go into a great amount of
detail. But there are a few moments that I wish I could live over. At
least by writing them here I will never forget.

Bout 1 IWRDL v HARD 170ish to 70ish

- Before the bout the teams get to have 10 minutes skating on the
track. Most of it is meant to be spent getting used to the surface.
But for us most of it was used telling each other what all the lines
meant (THAT'S how new we are, we needed to have the lines pointed out
lol) and going over the rules about the outside track, seeing as when
we train we don't have enough room to have an outside track. And
getting used to the rope that is the track boundary.

- I started having a bit more pack awareness. One of the mistakes I
have made a few times in practice is being too far away from the other
players as I'm chasing someone down to hit them. This match I feel I
had a much better feel for where that 10ft mark was and managed not to
engage with anyone outside the engagement zone.

- At one point all of our team bar one blocker was in the penalty box.
That one stood out there alone and just kept trying to hit their
jammer over and over. It's impressive to see someone so new, put so
much in.

- The night before one of our coaches had said to me if I said sorry
to anyone she would punch me in the face (it was said with
motivational love). At one point I was already going in for a hit as
the end whistle got blown. But it was too late as I was already in
motion and I hit her. Before I could stop myself, I said sorry. She
laughed and said don't apologise. I quickly skated to my coach. Took
out my mouth guard and knelt in front of her. She asked me what I was
doing and I explained that I had just apologized and I had come in for
her my punishment. She cracked up, called me cheeky and thankfully
didn't actually punch me in the face.

- After the game was over the other team came over and joined in as we
were all cuddling each other. We then do a skate around high fiving
all the spectators and other team.

- During our cool down a player from a different team came up and said
she and a few of her team mates had been watching our game. She said
she thought it was a great game and asked who else we had bouted. I
told her it was our first. She looked shocked. She then asked how long
we had been playing together. And I said 4 months. And she was really
impressed. Then she asked if we had members who had played before and
I told her we only had three. Her reaction was amazing. She had such
positive things to say and the most impressive was that she couldn't
tell just how new and inexperienced we were.

If we were the underdogs against HARD. We were lambs to the slaughter
against CRDL. They had virtually perfected things we could barely
remember to think about let alone do.

Bout 2 IWRDL v CRDL 293ish to 11.

- 11 points to nearly 300. It sounds pitiful. But I can't tell you how
hard we worked for every one of those points. Before the game started
our coach showed us a photo of one of the other scores from the day.
It was 350ish to 3. She told us if we could do even just one point
better than that she would be ecstatic. My absolute favourite part of
the day was our team and supporters on the side lines (which were a
lot of other teams as well) reaction to every point we got. We raised
the roof. We cheered and screamed and stamped, jumping up and down
like we had just won the game. I like to think we showed people that
the best part of IWRDL is the team spirit. The fact that we were not
going down without a fight. Even if that fight was like watching
rabbits stand up to lions. As we stood as a pack waiting for jams to
start I often looked over my shoulder and smiled or winked at the
other team. I wanted them to know we knew we were going to be beaten
but that we would enjoy every minute of it. The roar of us and the
crowd for every one of those 11 points lifted us higher and higher.
Beaten but not beaten down.

- One of our coaches telling me to do a particular play that worked
and took us from 1-4 points. Of course it wasn't all me :) but it was
my best play of the day.

- Finally finding my voice and yelling to the other girls. Usually I'm
so caught up in my own head that I don't vocalize what I'm thinking.
Having a few jams where I was yelling out, pushing and pulling a few
of the other girls into blocking positions. Having our jammer behind
me as I'm yelling what I'm doing trying to make holes for her to get
through. I saw a few of my skills come out and I have so much more
confidence in myself.

I could go on and on. About everyone and everything. But let's be
honest, nothing can capture the feeling of that day. The joy I felt
every moment on the track. The pride I feel in myself and every IWRDL
member, coaches and benchies included. It was a day worth bottling.

Silence in the Ruckus

My poor neglected blog. I'm sure if blogs had feelings it would feel
like I had left it for another man and just popped back in for a booty
call once a month.

And it is kind of like that. Not because I don't still want to blog
but because I have so much less time. Big things are a happening.

I realized that I haven't told you about my new perfect job working in
Specsavers. It's four days a week between school hours and I take
holidays off to be at home with the boys. Cool people, work that's
interesting enough to keep me interested but not so interesting that I
take it home mentally at night. It's like a gift from the gods.

I also haven't told you the latest derby updates. We are playing in
the Eastern Regional Roller Derby tournament this coming weekend. This
means that a dozen teams do a battle to the death until only one team
is left standing ;) not literally of course but that is how it feels.

It's a huge part of why I'm not blogging. We are training more often.
In my spare time I am reading rules, learning hand signals, learning
plays and generally immersing myself in everything derby. For the
first time I'm so physically and mentally tired I can't wait to take a
break.

We are all getting uniforms, we all have our derby names, (Buffy
Stun-Hers #144) we are all slighting peeing our pants in anticipation.
Not at the idea of not winning. We are a brand new league who have
only been skating together a manner of months so winning isn't our
focus. But at not feeling proud of our efforts. Of being so paralyzed
with performance anxiety that we forget to perform.

Anyhoo, it's late and I'm tired but this was the first and last chance
I could foresee having time to blog for a few more weeks and thought
I'd do a mini catchup.

Life is good, bruises and all (actually bruises are sexy)

Watching - derby
Listening - to my coaches
Reading - rules
State of mind - full

This is Getting Real!

Remember in the good ole days when I talked about skating in terms of new skills I had learnt. Shooting the duck, spirals, doing a basic t-stop? Yeah they were amazing for me and I was so proud of myself and my fellow skaters.

How times have changed!

These days it's all about derby and derby isn't about spirals or anything pretty (although don't get me wrong all of these pretty skills help create amazing skaters). These days skills are all based on hits, dodges and moves that are about position on the track. None of it is pretty.

We are starting to see the hard parts of derby. I don't mean the drills that make you want to cry. The ones were you do a time pyramid of floor work and speed skating. Of planking, sit ups, pushups and booty lifts for 20mins. I'm talking about watching friends take the brunt of our hits, dodges and positions that leave them getting hurt.

A few weeks ago Smashund Terrier fell on her head. Now, we wear a helmet but it was so hard it left her spinning. It was out first ambulance call. Luckily she didn't have a concussion so chose to get a lift home instead of going to the hospital.

Then last week as we warmed up running on our stoppers. El Scorcho fell. Her ankle twisted in a bad way. Long story short she is, as I type, in surgery getting pins put in her ankle after a double break.

Capt'n KidCat is out of scrimmage with a damaged knee. I still have numbness and bruising coming up on my knee from a fall weeks ago. Actually I have bruises all over my shins, hips and bum. As I'm sure most of my team mates do. It's complete carnage.

I pride myself on the fact that I actually don't fall much. Being stable on your skates during a hit is almost as important as your ability to give a hit. And I'm getting a lot better at my stability. But last night we learnt a new maneuver. It required us at a team trying to be at the front of the pack. And depending on where your jammer was, speeding up or slowing down the pack. Mostly is was about 'catching a bunny' meaning as a team trying to hold one person from the other team back so we controlled the situation.

People were hitting me in the back, catching my skates with theirs and in one case (the one that gave me my latest bum bruise and the bit of whip lash I currently have) me just bouncing off one of our amazing blockers who can cover the whole track just with her legs.

My last fall was during a scrimmage. There was a pile up. In the chaos I can't tell you who fell first but I can tell you I was second last to fall. Me. Then Dinky Die tried really hard not to kick me in the head (for which I will be eternally grateful) which resulted in her trying to jump over me. This then resulted in her belly flopping onto the floor. I felt someone go over my back, and as I looked up I saw her and she made this incredibly scary noise. A mixture of scream and groan. For one long moment I thought she had broken her arm. But seconds later I realised she had just winded herself.

It terrified me. After she recovered, coach had a great talk with us about what we both did right and what we both did wrong. All I knew was I was trying not to cry.

So as I said, this is getting serious.

Scarier than hurting myself, for me, is watching other get hurt. I mean when I had my big fall last night I was playing at being the jammer. I fell hard on my butt and hit my helmeted head on a wall. But when someone stopped to ask if I was alright I just screamed "just get up and make me a space". But when I heard that sound last night of her trying to catch her breath I wanted to cry and hug her and promise I would never EVER get in her way again. Even though it was one of those situations where no one was at fault.

This is getting serious .... it certainly is. I'm not questioning my resolve that this sport is what I want to do. But I am questioning the why? And so far the only answer I have is that these days I want to challenge myself. Derby, apparently, is my version of jumping from a plane. Only I'm not strapped to someone who knows more that I do. I push myself so hard, as we all do. And try to balance achieving the objective of these new skills which require a team focus versus self preservation or concern for particular individuals.

Did mention the word carnage? I have a feeling I will be using it a lot for any future scrimmage posts.

Watching - Devil Seed. So terrible that I think I could have made a better movie with $5k

Reading - the WFTRDL rules. Hard to read and even harder to take in. Hence the fact that I am reading them over and over.

Listening - I can still hear Dinky Die in my head.

State of mind - is it possible to be cautious and reckless at the same time?

You Never Know Till You Try

Note: this photo isn't me

About 13 years ago Andrew and I were wandering around a park after dark. We were talking and holding hands as we walked barefoot onto this huge lush green field of grass. Suddenly I had this overwhelming urge to do a cartwheel.

I used to do cartwheels all the time. There is something I love about the feeling of defying gravity and doing something slightly extreme with your body.

Anyway, this night as it was dark I didn't notice all the tufts and divots in the field. I landed on one with my first hand and promptly fell on my back. My wrist hurt for the rest of the date. And then really hurt as I tried to drive home. Then became excruciating as I tried to sleep. But in the way of so many early 20 year olds I ignored it.

Six months later I realised it was still hurting. I went to the Doctor and was told it was broken. I needed to have an operation to put in a bone graft and a pin. It has never been the same since.

That was the end of cartwheels. Or so I thought.

Last week after Rollerfit I looked at the huge open space and felt that feeling again. I must do a cartwheel. So I did. And it was awesome.

The next class coincidently Stacey mentioned that you could do a cartwheel on skates and then promptly got one of her friends to do one. One of the other rollerfitters and I looked at each other and said 'we can do that'. But we didn't, we giggled about it and kept skating. But then she looked at me again and said 'do it', and I knew I was going to try.

I was terrified my wrist wouldn't cope, or that I wouldn't be able to stick the landing with wheels on my feet. But I really, really wanted to try.

And Taa-daa I did a cartwheel on skates.

Life is to short to say no to things just because they are scary. One day in the not to distant future my body may not be strong or nimble enough to do a cartwheel ever again. Damn if I am going to let today be that day!

When was the last time you did a cartwheel? or whatever your version of a cartwheel is. Maybe you haven't ridden a horse for ages cause once you got bitten, maybe your too nervous about traffic to drive, maybe you don't want to tell someone you love them even though you do.

How would you feel tomorrow if you realised you had missed your chance to do that 'thing' one last time!

So stop reading this and go and cartwheel!!

Reading - a science fiction best of annual the name of which I can't remember.

Listening - The Foals

Watching - Still on a horror movie kick. The last was 100 Ghost Street (spooky but not good) and Don't be afraid of the dark (good but not spooky).

State of mind - AB is away for a few days and I feel like I have a million things to do. So I have that slightly frantic put of stomach feeling going on.

Someone Turns Six

Yes that's right my baby turns six tomorrow! It's almost
unbelievable. How did time fly this fast. I look at photos like this
from when he was three and think 'yeah that's my little boy' and then
he walks past and I barely recognize him.

As I have mentioned many times before he is one of the strangest kids
I have ever met. It is exactly what makes him so damn endearing. It's
like he sees the world with purple skies and absolutely no
limitations. And god help anyone who tries to convince him otherwise.

He can be incredibly hard to mother, so full of desires and
willfulness. And as much as there are days where I'm at my wits end. I
truly wouldn't swap or change anything about him (although sometimes I
wish the universe had blessed me with more patience and some skills
that would help me guide him better).

He is creative, incredibly loving and caring, so funny that he
constantly has the family in stitches, his laugh can infect a room, he
still loves a massage, to run and climb at any opportunity, he can
never ever sit still, gives and wants hugs and kisses at every
opportunity. He makes my heart melt daily.

My baby, every year he is less and less baby, but no less mine. We are
so similar, even all of the crazy bits, people say come from me. He
has my exuberance for life, my emotionality, my eyes, and yes
sometimes I think the sky is purple as well.

Six years ago tonight I fell asleep with him in my tummy, wondering
when I would meet him. And by this time the next day he was in my arms
and as I held him I wondered who he will end up being. This tiny
innocent little thing. Everyday I still wonder and the more I get to
know, the more I am so amazed that I made this and helped guide this
little man into the strangest and unique little person I have ever
met. I am so proud!!

A Good Week For Firsts

The last seven days have been pretty damn groovy. Most of these
groovy bits have actually been accomplishing small firsts, mixed with
sunny weather and a generally chilled out life vibe. So far (and at
this time of night) these are the best bits:

- At Friday training we had our first derby scrimmaging. Talk about
mind blowing awesomeness crossed with complete carnage. I could talk
and talk and talk about it. About the feeling you get when you find
that gap that gets you through the pack. When you make a spot for
someone else. When you see your team work together in a way they
haven't before. Every time we do something new (no matter how messy
and crazy) I'm filled with such joy. And exhaustion. Did I mention
exhaustion!!!
- Cooked my first white sauce. Which I then, like a true mum, made
into cauliflower with white sauce (I know I don't recognize myself
either).
- I conquered front to back transitions in the opposite direction. I
also started to feel comfortable jumping from back to front as well.
Completely terrifying but also so damn cool.
- Hung out with my lovely, funny and slightly mad derby girls.
Watching derby, eating chocolate Guinness cupcakes, drinking wine, and
laughing loudly.
- I made mushroom sauce. And it was so delicious that I ate the
leftovers by themselves ... And now I feel sick ;)

This week has been filled with moments of awesomeness. Mostly skating
and cooking related but hey, they are the two things I do the most in
my week ... Beyond cleaning and no one ever had a moment of
awesomeness whilst cleaning.

Reading - World WarZ
Watching - Nup
Listening - The Foals
State of Mind - Tired, happy, tired, lucky, and very very full.

City Skating Beginning

Tonight I went on my first night city skate. It's something I have been wanting to do for a while but a mixture of cold, rain, timing and fear meant that I had been able to put it off.

We met at a park in Prymont and skated through darling harbour, up (and down) George street, through Hyde Park, down Martin place, across The Rocks ... pretty much everywhere.

I was pretty nervous to start with, the surfaces varied, there were cars and people to dodge, but mostly I was scared of the hills. And for good reason. I mean when your on skates and you find yourself going out of control you can't just jump off. It's a matter of stop, hit or fall. Hopefully falling with some grace and no injuries. The highlights were: (other than just making it finally)

- Getting the hang of skating up and down kerbs.
- Shooting the duck through Hyde park.
- Falling in front of the pub as I tripped over my toe stop that had fallen off.
- Carving down Martin Place.
- Knee sliding to a stop so I didn't cross a busy driveway.

I'm a new and complete fan of outdoor skating and what better place than to do it through the city. And it was all made even better by the fact that everyone was so friendly and helpful. They even ordered us after a particularly bumpy bit of road to check our wheel nuts and stoppers.

I hope this was the first of many. I hope that next time I'm a little smoother, a little more confident, and a little braver.

And once again, I'm so thankful for finding skating against. It's bringing so many amazing challenges, lovely people and ways for me to really see what I'm made of.

Some Love and Excuses

Firstly, my blog isn't dead!  I promise it truly not. It's just the same old excuse though.  The spaces that used to be reserved for blogging, reading, TV watching and any other general down time activities is now taken up with skating. 

I'm not upset about that at all of course.  Except that I occasionally have this pang of longing for blogging.  But then I'll look at the clock, or the weather and realize that it feels like the time could be better spent on wheels.  So yes I'm still excitedly obsessed about skating and derby but no my blog isn't dead, just quietly and patiently waiting for my return. 

So now that that has been said I wanted to share two things. First is this photo of Jack taken a few days ago by a neighbour (ain't he just the cutest!) and the second was a conversation that I had with Jack this evening before bed. 

A few months ago I saw a link to an idea for kids. Basically it was about giving kids the beginnings to old proverbs, ie a bird in the hand is..., and then seeing what they would add as the ends of the proverb. Tonight we talked about a few and I thought I would share his answers. 

- It's always darkest before ... I go to bed

- Don't bite the hand that ... is Hamish's 

- Children should be seen and ... not be seen at night

- The pen is mightier than the ... pencil

- Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry ... but don't cry with me

- Don't put off till tomorrow ... what you should do

- If at first you don't succeed ... you'll succeed the next time

- You get out of something only ... what you do

- When the blind lead the blind ... the unblind should lead them as well

- A bird in the hand ... of its nest

So cute!  I had a few more to ask him but he was about to fall asleep and figured it would be cruel and unusual punishment to keep him awake for my own amusement :)

I'm planning on giving him a print out of the others and see what he writes. And then asking Hamish the same questions. And if the weather is bad, or I find some better extra curriculum balance I hope the I will remember to blog them as well ... If I don't you'll know where to find me!!!

Watching - I have just started episode 2 of 'The Fades'. So far so good. 

Listening - ...

Reading - I'm so tired at night I'm mostly reading old favourites. At the moment it's Neil Gaimans Neverwhere. 

State of Mind -I am almost always these days content, exhausted, a little sore in the body and generally happier than I have for a long while. Thanks to my friends new and old, family especially AB and the kidlets for being so very very supportive and mostly thank you my beaten up ever fiddled with skates. You rock my world!!!

Inner West Roller Derby League

Yesterday I woke up and felt completely relaxed. Then I remembered 'oh
god, today is tryout day'. Now if I'm honest, after running through
the whole test twice I felt pretty confident that I could pass but
there were a few things playing on my mind;

- What if I fall and can't complete the test?
- What if I freeze up?
- I want to do more than pass, I want to do my best (nah screw it I
wanted to do more than my best, I wanted to feel great about the
results)
- What if the girls that I have been training with and adore don't pass?
- What if I'm not as capable as I think I am?

I'm such a what if girl. It wouldn't have been me if I wasn't racked
with worry before something like this. But what I did realise was just
how damn much I wanted to be a part of this.

So I anxiously drove across the bridge. And asked 5 different people
for directions before I finally rocked into the court with my enormous
bag, sweaty palms and an intense need to pee (turns out I have a
nervous bladder).

We geared up and generally bantered around while we waited for the
coaches and their friends to set up the track. They put us into
groups, I was put into group two. And we started to skate around for
20 minutes or so to get used to the surface and warm up. The surface
was lovely except for one major flaw. There were 4 big cracks within
the track. One in particular was almost big enough to loose a wheel
in!

And then it started. All of those nerves became focused on these
cracks. I felt my heart start to race and my palms become sweaty
again. I was completely freaking out. I ended up seeking out one of
the girls that always seems to say the right thing and told her I was
starting to focus too much on the cracks. She agreed they were bad,
bless her, but said we should both do a few laps together in different
styles to get used to them and help us stop freaking out about them.
It did help though it didn't allay my fears completely, but there was
no time to keep fixating, it was time to skate.

We watched team one which had both some good friends in it, but also
some old hat derby skaters who blew my mind. I was caught between
watching them with internal horror that I had ever thought for a
second that I was a decent skater. And with such inspiration that I
wanted to keep pushing myself until I could, one day, keep up with
them. Once they finished and it was our groups turn. The world
quietened and I thought 'Ah hell, this is it and I'm going to be ok'.
And of course I was.

I'm not going to go through the whole thing. Mainly cause it took us
three hours to complete and it would probably take me that long to
type it. But needless to say I felt confident by the end that I had
indeed done my best.

In the end we had done;

- 20 in 5
- X overs in both directions
- Skated on one foot
- Stops
- Pace lines
- Jumps and hops
- Weaving
- Backwards skating

Although there were lots of breaks between, everyone was exhausted.
Mostly I think it was mental exhaustion. As soon as we were done we
all rushed to take our gear off and most of us headed to the pub to
await our results.

It was a long wait. The coaches had to add up, average out and do all
sorts of things with the numbers. So we drank beer, ate chips and
talked loudly to hide our nerves.

Finally they arrived, and handed me my results (well they handed
everyone their results but I only noticed my own). I wanted to jump
into the car and read them in the safety of my home when they
announced "you all passed".

Picture me, grinning like the Cheshire cat, and then going around
kissing and hugging everyone. Lots of cheering and happy smiling and
then we all finally let our exhaustion shine through and headed home.

Once I got home I really started to take my results in. I was so happy
with them. They were better in almost every area than they had been
when we did the mock test earlier in the week. Sure I definitely have
areas that I need to work on (more than just the general all over work
that needs doing) especially in the jumps and hops area (where I
scored the lowest both in the mock test and on the actual day) but
generally I'm completely chuffed.

And not only that, everyone that tried out made it as well. We will be
a team together! All of my beloved rollerfit girls. Even those
amazing girls who I hate to love. I'm excited at the idea of using
their awesomeness to inspire me (if I can keep my awe in check:)

So that's it. I'm member of the Inner West Roller Derby League! I am
officially a derby girl. Sure I'm in training, we have quite a few
months of training before we are ready to bout. We have to learn how
to fall like a ninja, hit like an ultimate fighter (if ultimate
fighter were only allowed to use from their shoulders to their knees).
And once I have learnt to do those in the safest way possible, we have
another test similar to the one we have just had but bigger and
badder.

To be honest I kind of can't wait, because after that we start having
friends and family bouts. Where we invite our (you guessed it) friends
and family to come and watch us actually compete.

For now I'm just jazzed that I made the team. My friends made the
team. We have awesome coaches who will push us and have fun with us.
And I will keep on rolling ;)

I Don't Do Sports

I am probably the least sporty person I have ever met. I don't and
have never played any regular sports. In fact I used to fein injury
and illness to get out of as much high school sports as possible. I
have practically never done any sort of physical activity, and
certainly never with the idea that I was trying to win. I never watch
or think about sport in any way. I have also never been a part of a
team, well not on purpose. I haven't been in the school play, or
joined a band, or been part of a social group that required us all to
work together to reach a certain goal.

Actually I guess I have. But again never on purpose. I am actually a
good team player, as long as you don't use the words team player. I
work with couples and hospital staff or midwives as a team during
pregnancy and labour. When I worked for companies with multiple staff
I like to think I worked well as a 'team'. But I wasn't thinking of it
as team work, just as doing my job.

So here I am today thinking about next Saturday. Derby tryout day.
Where I am actively going to try and be one the member of a team. And
not just any team. A sports team.

I don't do sports!

It's easier for me if I think about it as an active social group. Or
a bunch of friends with wheels on their feet. Or just playing. My
sense of self is so tightly wound around the idea that I am
un-athletic and innately lazy, that I just can't seem to think of it
that way. But it's not. It is sport. It's exercise. I'm going to have
to be team player...

I'm so filled with nervous excitement that I can barely contain
myself. I wish it were Friday already so I didn't have to wait out
the week. Because on Saturday I will not only be fearful of trying
out, hoping desperately that I make the cut. But I will have to
overcome another fear. Being judged on my performance.

You see a big part of why I never joined a band, or the school
performances, is my fear of auditioning. The idea of people watching
and judging me on something I love doing and want to do well at, fills
me with such a huge sense of dread that it's been too terrifying to
even try.

What if they tell me I'm terrible! What if I don't managed to do what
I know is my best and let myself (and others) down! Or worse, what if
I do my best and I'm still not good enough! All of my quite real
blood sweat and tears will literally be put to the test.

Just a few months ago I put on my skates for the first time. I didn't
think of it as exercise. Just playing around. But then someone asked
if anyone was interested in derby and I tentatively put my hand up. I
couldn't skate but thought, what the hell I may as well stay in the
loop.

Because I've been loving skating, it's been fun to practice. These
days I train three times a week with others and lots of little bits a
pieces on my own. And I'm slowly but surely getting the foot work.
And my stamina is improving ... although lets be honest the only way
was up. But it's my stamina that still needs the most work.

On Saturday, one of the many things we will be tested on is how many
laps can we do in 5 minutes. Doesn't sound like long, but for me
skating at full speed in large circles for that long feels like enough
to give me a heart attack, or at least make me vomit. I've done it
twice over the last weeks during our derby training (we've been
working with our coaches before we get in just because we and they
couldn't wait for the official tryouts ... which of course is
brilliant but it will be hard to give them up if I don't make the
cut). And I do manage to exceed the minimum amount of laps to make the
cut. But what if I'm extra tired on Saturday? What if I fall? What if
the fear of being judged takes over and I just can't make it?
Argh!!!!!!!

Stamina!! I'm starting to regret being such a lazy bint all these years.

Anyway, I'm going to be spending the week not letting my nerves run
away with me. I'm going to think positively about it and try and make
myself believe that the point of the day is to overcome my fear of
being judged and if I actually make the team, well that's just gravy.
If I make the moment of awesomeness be about overcoming the fear and
just doing the tryouts then in a way I have already won 1/2 the battle
by turning up. I'll set my goals small, and then take anything after
that as an added bonus.

Just as long as no one starts telling me it's sport I should be fine *grin*

Watching - Whatever has been recorded on our IQ

Listening - New favourite is In for the kill by La Roux

Reading - Same

State of mind - like I should get my skates on and practice that 25 in 5.