Sunday, 31 January 2010

Its a New Dawn .... the final countdown (warning slightly emotional post)

He lies in bed with eyes wide open asking about this and that. Where will I sit? What will I do? Who will be with me? We talk and I smile and I fake it, I fake the enthusiasm as I answer him. He sniggers about the fact that they make rules about shoes. Why do I have to wear them all day? He asks with a voice so sweet my heart melts a little more, Why are shoes so important that they need to make rules about them? thats so silly! and I laugh with him, true happy laughing and again my heart melts a little more.

So we talk about what is to come when he finally says, with sleepy eyes, I'm so excited mummy!!!

And of course I hold him tight and I say that I am so excited for him as well, excited about what he will learn and play and all the new friends he will make and there is some truth in it, but mostly I am so sad I can barely breathe. I wonder why they get to have him for so much of the week? why do they take him so young? where did the time go? please can't I have a little more time?

I know what you'll say. It's a good thing. He will be alright. He will love it. Its very normal to feel this way. You'll be fine ... and I know your right, but for tonight I don't feel fine. I will go and pack his bag and lay out his uniform and let all of my emotions pour out because tomorrow he deserves a mummy that is standing by his side beaming with excitement as he walks off to start his big adventure. Maybe tomorrow I will be fine ...

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