Motherless Mothers

I was driving to the supermarket today and I saw a woman in her early 60's walking to the shops with her basket on wheels, she had her hair up in a bun and a flowing skirt on and she reminded me of mum. Today I really miss mum, I think she would have loved where we live, I know that she had talked about wanting to live in the city and I think about how cool it would be if she lived near. Then while I was in the supermarket there was a 6 or so year old boy talking to a woman in her 60's, I watched their happy banter about school and friends and got the feeling that I was watching a weekly catch up of sorts. It made me miss mum even more, I started feeling quiet melancholy and sorry for myself, and for my kids, I started thinking about all the parts of my life I would like to be sharing with mum and all of the support she would have given and I got very melancholy indeed.
Then a beautiful friend of mine who has had a very bad week was telling me about how in the middle of said bad week her mum didn't make her feel supported or helped in fact her mum was too close and made an already hard situation harder. Now don't get me wrong, her mum is awesome but I think sometimes mothers and daughters are to close and mothers say what they are thinking and without meaning to they do the opposite of what is needed at the time.

I often come to realise that I would not feel the same way about mum had she not died, once she had died I realised how important and special and missed she was, but when I watch other women's relationships with their mums I realise that I would not truly have realised this unless she had died.
Isn't that how the song goes, you don't know what you've got till its gone. (I think Janet is talking abouther lover but its a beautiful song anyway)

So mum I miss you, today more than most, I love the dream I have of you as a grandma and the mother of an adult, realistic it may not be but that's fine as well.