Saturday Cheezburger

Jammed

Cars rush hurriedly along busy roads
Beeping and winding
Bobbing in and out of traffic
Never seeing what they pass
Then quiet unexpectedly
It stops
To a slower pace
In our metal boxes we are prisoners
Is it the universe
Getting us to slow
Hoping our minds will follow
But there are no rose to stop and smell
On the motor way
Except in my mind

Ideas and Imaginations

Driving in the car yesterday we had the following conversation

Jack - blah blah blah and that's cause my bones are rainbow
Me - (finally listening) hey babe what are you talking about
Jack - my bones are rainbows and that means I can turn rainbow colours like the aliens
Me - and what does that mean
Jack - it means that I can turn all colours with my rainbow bones, and you can't cause you don't have rainbow bones

Not much you can say to that really

The Madness

Hamish wanted me to take photos of him today, this is my favorite.

Sumo vs Karate

My Stepmother sent this to me years ago, I saved it for times when i needed a laugh. So I'm sharing it for times when you need a laugh. Ive also seen it called Boxing vs Wrestling but i think Sumo Vs Karate is more apt

An Early Morning Thought

There are times when watching my children do something completely ordinary encapsulates both the innocence of their childhood and my wonder at watching them grow.  I often wish at these times that I had a video camera or some way of capturing the moment so I can remember the amazement I felt at these simple things, but how often does one have the camera poised at 7.30am in the morning.

There is no way that words can explain how it looked watching Hamish run naked down the path in the early morning sun to do a wee in the garden. Or how he looked as he stood there trying to get the hang of position and flow. How when he turned around the look of pride on his face out shone the sun and how his little wet feet tripped and stumbled as he ran back into the house.

I hope I remember some of these times when I am old and looking back at my life, they are the joyful parts of my day.

I Thought the Meek Inherit the Earth

After my post about Jacks heart I have been thinking what is the 'one' main thing that is wonderful about Hamish. There are loads of bits of his complicated personality that are amazing but he is a far more complexed character than Jack and its harder to pick just one, But as I thought about it I realised the one outstanding part about Hamish is his tenacity.

Hamish was conceived on my first ovulation after having Jack, completely unplanned and we thought fairly impossible. The more I think about it the more I realise what that means. He was without a doubt meant to be here on his terms, in his time. Again I say that I am totally biased and will lay that on the table but I think that Hamish is here with a purpose, I don't know what it is but I'm starting to think that he might just save the world.

Remember the movie Bill and Teds excellent adventure? Well in the movie two pretty normal guys get a visit from someone from the future to help them complete a history report so that they could both graduate and form the band Wyld Stallyns. The reason for this is that the music that the band create ends up saving the world. I know, your wondering where I'm going with this, I don't really think that Hamish 'will' save the world although its totally possible but I often wonder if he was given this tenacity for a purpose.

There is no doubt that when he uses his tenacity for good (instead of evil) he is able to accomplish amazing things, and i think that this will be part of the path his life will take. Maybe he will write a song that will touch someone, maybe he will cure cancer or maybe he will help someone in need and that will butterfly effect its way across the globe ....... and potentially save the world. I don't know but I'm sure his tenacity will be the thing in his life that shapes who he is the most.

By the way some other amazing things about Hamish are;

- he is totally quirky, watching his stinky bottom dance is one of the highlights of my life.

- he also has a wonderful heart and shows it every day in his actions especially towards his dad and i.

- its amazing and awe inspiring how people are drawn to him, they often seem enchanted with him. (actually that will also help him in his quest to save the world)

Sunrise in the City

Quietly in this big city
The sun rises
Its a new day,
People walk their dogs
A baby is born
Shopping to be done
Someone dies
Life turns
The city wakes
Dragging us into the throng

The Most Beautiful Heart

When it comes to ones children its easy to be biased.  I'd like to think that I see my childrens challenges as well as their wonders but I am undoubtedly skewed in my perception. So with my bias laid on the table for all to see I want to say that Jack has the most beautiful heart of any person, child or adult I have ever met.

At only 3 1/2 his words and actions so often show a caring and sweetness that makes my heart skip a beat, in just the last few weeks these are a few of things he has said or done

- Woke up early, jumped out of bed to go and see his dad looked back at me came back pulled the covers over my shoulder kissed me on the cheek and ran off again
- When getting himself water he often gets Hamish or I a glass as well
- Looked at me after I got out of the shower and said 'mummy your tummy is so beautiful' something he often says about my boobs as well
- When asked who is the best Dad in the world he said 'Antony but daddy you are the coolest and that's better'
- Even though he had just woken up and wanted to snuggle on the lounge with me when Hamish woke he told me that I have to go and give Hamish a cuddle and he would wait
- running past me on his way to play with his friends stops dead in his tracks says 'mum I love you heaps' and keeps running

These are just the ones that I can remember at this moment but at least once a day he does says or thinks something that makes me so amazed at the beauty in his heart. 

What a lucky mummy I am.

PS. My Hamish rave will come soon xx

IM SICK

Well the picture says it all really, I'm feeling sick, my throat hurts my body aches and I'm so physically tired that I feel drunk.  I had wanted to talk about the politeness of drivers or about romantic songs or about something crazy the boys did.  Unfortunately sickness has stopped my brain working.  So once I come out of my sickness veil I will endeavor to post something more interesting than a plea for sympathy

Just Like L.A. Story

Do you remember that movie L.A. Story? where a billboard via written messages talks to Steve Martin helping him sort out the craziness in his universe.

Well the billboards are talking to me as well and I guess its the perfect message to help me sort out the craziness in my universe.

Dying Day

I seem to always have a pile of clothes that need to be dyed, singlets that are boring, T-shirts that are stained, pants that are covered with paint and bits of my clothing that I'm just bored with.

Clothes dyes are expensive and hard to find so I don't dye the pile very often.  Yesterday I found that the chemist near here that sells little pots of dye for much less and so 'LET THE DYING BEGIN'

I brought a green and an orange, the green didn't work out so well, my skirt is cool but I added to much water and so the rest is a watery greeny grey (if I was dying over a colour) or minty (if it was over white) the orange was great, watching the first item come out a fire orange and the later ones came out much softer, plus I got creative so they have tyedyed dots and stripes or are intentionally mottled looking (truly it was intentional)

Hmm now to ransack our wardrobes and go on a dyeing spree !!!

Spring has sprung

Spring arrived with a bang yesterday and it couldn't have been a more perfect day for a picnic in the park. 
We had a 1st birthday celebration sitting under the fig trees by the harbour.  The breeze was warm and the grass was cool, the food was yummy and the kids happily played for hours in the park.

Everyone had wardrobe malfunctions because for the first day in months we needed to find short sleeves and it was to warm for the regular layer effect.

We dusted off our hats and sunscreen blankets and picnic baskets, we drank to much champage forgetting that in the heat you really need to drink more water or the next day your more hung over.

We sat there till the sun went down and the air cooled, all in all the perfect spring day.

Daily Beauty Regime

I was talking to a friend the other day about beauty products (yes it has occupied a bit of my brain recently) she asked me how many beauty products I use daily. I said that everyday, i only used 2; face wash and moisturiser.  She said that she used 5 but her sister was using 18.

So I googled it and apparently, according to a dodgy website the average person uses 9 products everyday. Another forum had asked the same question and it looked on there like most of them used about 10 so maybe the dodgy website had it right.

I started to think about it further, how many products do I put on my body?

Daily (mostly)
+ Face wash (I now use two because the jurlique woman said I should wash my face twice a day using different products for day and night but they are samples and I don't know if I'm going to continue with them both)
+ Moisturiser
+ Toothpaste
+ Lipgloss (winter is hell on my lips and this is used in a medical way to help them heal)

Weekly (give or take)
+ Shampoo and conditioner
+ Deodorant (when did I get so feral)
+ Eyeliner

Fortnightly (or longer)
+ Almond oil (as a body moisturiser)
+ Nail polish
+ Soap (to shave my legs or use with exfoliating glove)

I think that's it .....

It didn't look like people were thinking of toothpaste or soap so unless everyone is as smelly as me I'm thinking they were just so used to using them that they didn't think of them as beauty products anymore.

So now I'm wondering how many products do you use?
I know my Dad stopped using hair products and toothpaste a while back, his body reset its needs for cleaning etc and now his teeth and hair have never been better or cleaner.

How much would we all save of we just let it all reset? And what would the beauty industry do if we all cottoned on.

Interestingly I have cottoned on and I totally believe that there is for need for soaps, shampoos and toothpaste, and there is definitely no need for eyeliner and nail polish (no matter how pretty my toenails look in their hot pink and sparkles) without to much pushing I could get rid of the almond oil deodorant and soap (except I like my legs without hair so I would need another shaving lubricant)

So why do I keep buying them? Damn you social conditioning !!!!

Breast feeding the Older Child

I was sitting at the Magic Yellow Bus yesterday. Hamish wandered over and asked for 'boobie', he lay on my lap and had a feed.  I continued chatting with two of my friends with one was feeding an 8 week old and the other feeding her 1 year old.

While I was chatting away I looked down watching these three babes laying calmly in their mothers arms and I noticed, for the first time, that mine was no longer such a baby, he's a little boy.

By two Jack had stopped feeding at night and he was down to 3 feeds in a 24 hour period, one when he woke, one for naptime and one to sleep.  The nap time feed by this stage only happened at home because if we were out he either wouldn't sleep or would fall asleep in the car.

Hamish on the other hand now that he is night weaned is having around 4-5 feeds in a 24 hour period and usually 1-2 of them happen while we are out and about.

So what I hear a few of my crunchy friends thinking and up until I was sitting there yesterday so what is what I had been thinking as well.

The crowd at the magic yellow bus is primarily a fairly mainstream crowd and yesterday I wondered if I was pushing these peoples buttons, were they looking at us and wondering 'how old IS that child?'

I fed him in public again today, and didn't think on it at all but its important to note that the first light bulb moment has been had, he is getting older and if he feeds for as long as Jack he will be done in just over a year.  I can't even imagine life without breast feeding these days, but I am looking forward to commemorating it with another tattoo (the only thing I haven't been able to do for the last 4 years)

I will survive !!

I accidentally sent this through to blogger when I meant to be emailing to Andrew. When I realised my mistake I hit the delete button and to my horror it deleted the photo off my phone and then told me that the email I was trying to send to blogger was corrupt.

By some miracle (or lucky event maybe miracle is to strong a word) it wound up here anyway and I managed to get a copy of this beautiful photo of my happy boy playing at preschool today.

Its perfect because just after this photo was taken i went and spoke to his main carer and she had such beautiful words to say about him, calling him a delight to teach and such a gentle, smart, funny little boy. I just smiled and said "thank-you, I know I'm his biggest fan"

Thank god for TimTams

When Andrew goes away I buy myself a packet of timtams.  Once the boys have gone to sleep and I make myself a cup of herbal tea open the packet of timtams and sit in my recliner.

I then do the timtam suck, aka the timtam slam.  I bite the left corner off one side and the right corner off the other and then using the timtam like a straw suck my tea (slightly cooled to avoid a burnt tounge) up though it and then pop the entire timtam in my mouth as it falls apart melting in a sweet goey mess.

I often complain about Andrew going away, I miss him the kids miss him and being with the kids on my own means I do all the night wakes and the early morning on my own.  The timtam suck makes it all worth while

To the Woman who Yelled at me at the Park Today

If you wanted me to apologize for the fact that my little BOY hit your child, then yelling at me from across the park was probably not the best way to start.

I am aware, now that you have yelled at me, that my child hit yours and I do not think that it was ok but seeing that you were being so aggressive with me I saw no point in pointing this out.

I hope that one day when your child hits another, as 95% of children do, the person who confronts you does so with a bit more tact and does not the go on to berate you about the fact that you were not attending to your child sufficiently enough in their eyes.  Truth be told I could have been standing right next to my child and he still could of hit yours.

I think it is good for the development of self that I do not follow my children around continually and I feel that by you following yours around without giving them a chance to make mistakes and be self sufficient could well harm them more that the knock my child gave them, but I digress.

Unfortunately by attacking me at the park it did not give me the chance to have a conversation with my child and yours and to hopefully get my child to apologise to yours as would have been optimal for both children.

In the end I'm sure that both of us left the encounter with a bad taste in our mouth wishing that we had though of some witty comeback  I know I wish I had said more than 'whatever love'  hence this post.  On the up side I didn't call you any of the expletives that I though of.

Its time to stop looking at P platers

How old do you feel? How old do you think people who don't know you see you as?  When I was about 7 months pregnant with Hamish I went in to buy a present for Andrews cousin. While the girl who was probably barely the legal working age was wrapping the present she asked me what was the present for and I said an 18th birthday, she then said "your daughters really lucky to get this"

I stared at her blankly as I signed the receipt and walked out of the store thinking over and over, she thinks I'm old enough to have an 18 year old, she thinks I'm old enough to have an 18 year old OH MY GOD!!! she thinks I'm old enough to have an 18 year old.

I was blown away and looked at myself very critically when I got home, sure I had crazy hair and my clothes were fairly unflattering (I promptly put the top in the bin) but she must have been mad to have thought I was old enough to have an 18 year old daughter.

Peoples perception of age is a funny thing, and I laugh about it now, but it was a reminder to myself that I am getting older, I can no longer check out P platers, something that I only realised a few years ago.

Getting older is great don't get me wrong, I love the small amount of wisdom and freedom that comes with age and my life these days blows me away.  But it also reminded me that a little effort is needed if I don't want to be shocked with peoples guesses when they are trying to figure out my age.  Maybe my cousin had it right and its time to pull out a few stops to halt the aging process, I'm not about to get botox or buy $200 anti aging products but moisturising twice a day might help.

Nursing Home Thoughts

My Aunt moved into a nursing home today.  It is everything I thought it would be and hoped it wouldn't be.
+ It smells
+ the other patient in the room with her had dementia and screams loudly
+ the staff are ok but not great
+ its sparse
+ unless you are able to look after yourself you are at the mercy of bad food, rough staff, dodgy bus trips and childrens choir visits.

Maybe I shouldn't blog about this tonight I'm too overwhelmed. These days life seems to be filled with being with Libby and then catching up once I get home and blogging along with so many things seems to be getting left behind. 

Hmm time to go back and read that last post 'grin'

Time for a Cheezeburger

I couldn't resist :)

Gifts in all Shapes

Lately I've been feeling sad and empty about my aunt and her illness, watching her in the hospital none of us with any control.  Watching the other women around her feeling disowned and unloved.  It was all starting to feel like such a heavy burden to be a part of.

Part of me wanted to run away, but I would think of Libby and her laughing when I tell her she said something a bit crazy and muddle headed and the fact that whenever you ask her how she feels today she would answer 'I'm alright darling' and keep on driving down there.

Today I remembered what a gift it is to have this time with her and to be able to see this part of myself.  As I shaved her legs, did her nails and rambled on about the kids and my daily flotsam, I felt more peaceful about the process.

I'm not scared of her dying, because I know that she isn't, and I'm so glad I have been able to love her and help care for her these last months and weeks.  It is something I will be able to take through my life and watching her walk this path towards death with so much inner strength and grace.  She should inspire us all.

I might not feel this tomorrow, maybe it was the rainbow that I saw or the full tummy laugh Libby and I had about something muddled she said.  But I write about it and remind myself no matter how tired I am of this path, I am lucky to be able to be in it with her, for now.

My Beautiful Cervix

I know I have passed this link onto some of you, but it popped into my path again and so I will place it in your path again as well.

My beautiful cervix is a 25 year old midwifery students journey to getting to know her cervix better by photographing it every day for a month.

It an interesting peek into part of our body we don't get to see but that once we are pregnant or when we have pap smears we often think about.

http://mybeautifulcervix.googlepages.com

Enjoy ..

Feedback

Last week I submitted another book review and my second birth review for my course. Today I got a page long response from my trainer (Sandy Meadow ..... seriously) and it was great, she liked what I had written and how I had thought about it.  Its so cool to feel like the work I am doing is filling the requirements and maybe (just a little) surpassing them. 

But enough about me and my big head :) I'm just glad that I am now 36% of the way through of one and 0% of the second, feeling very inspired at the moment so in between everything else I am hoping to power though a bit more, wish me sleep and a clear mind, the nexts bits are the hard stuff, I need to actually think !!!!! Its been a while since my brain has been on alert