Gifts in all Shapes

Lately I've been feeling sad and empty about my aunt and her illness, watching her in the hospital none of us with any control.  Watching the other women around her feeling disowned and unloved.  It was all starting to feel like such a heavy burden to be a part of.

Part of me wanted to run away, but I would think of Libby and her laughing when I tell her she said something a bit crazy and muddle headed and the fact that whenever you ask her how she feels today she would answer 'I'm alright darling' and keep on driving down there.

Today I remembered what a gift it is to have this time with her and to be able to see this part of myself.  As I shaved her legs, did her nails and rambled on about the kids and my daily flotsam, I felt more peaceful about the process.

I'm not scared of her dying, because I know that she isn't, and I'm so glad I have been able to love her and help care for her these last months and weeks.  It is something I will be able to take through my life and watching her walk this path towards death with so much inner strength and grace.  She should inspire us all.

I might not feel this tomorrow, maybe it was the rainbow that I saw or the full tummy laugh Libby and I had about something muddled she said.  But I write about it and remind myself no matter how tired I am of this path, I am lucky to be able to be in it with her, for now.